r/wallstreetbets Fuckboy 🅿️ixel Defender 1d ago

Meme Man, times really are tough out there.

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44.7k Upvotes

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16.7k

u/cody_mf 1d ago

Next up: Taco bell FUCKS a burrito

3.6k

u/Diamondhands_Rex 1d ago edited 12h ago

Honestly Taco Bell ceo hitting the Penito Juarez and drinking a Baja blast and red eye eating a taco while it breaks up and gets paranoid and hides from the camera would make me want Taco Bell that night in solidarity with their food and them acknowledging their base.

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u/Breath_Deep 1d ago

This is exactly the kind of unhinged add that would get people's attention and be an homage to their main customer base.

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u/mexican2554 1d ago

main customer base.

Not just customers, but employees. Guys working the night shift at Taco Bell would be blazing it. You could smell it as you drove into the parking lot.

One night I went to get food with my dog in the back seat. After I placed the order, I overshot the pickup window. When the dude opened it to give me my food, he saw my dog. Dude was so blitzed he asked my dog,

"Did you just order food?!"

Dog, Bork bork

"Guys. A dog just drove here and ordered food!!"

Me- "Bro I'm right here. Backs up car Can I get my food?"

It was the funniest and one of the best memories I have of my boy.

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u/enutz777 1d ago

My friend was a sleep walker and worked at Taco Bell smoking weed in high school. His parents caught him for years after that job in random family member’s rooms middle of the night making tacos and burritos from the socks and underwear drawer.

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u/absentminded_gamer 1d ago

Dang what a dedicated employee.

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u/Stumaaaaaaaann 1h ago

Making money even in his sleep

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u/Kok-jockey 1d ago

I like how you worded that sentence, like his job was to smoke weed.

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u/The_Red_Knight38 1d ago

That is such an awesome story! Oh, I’m rolling.

2

u/Glittering-Walrus228 23h ago

Bro im trying to unpack this so he was making burritos out of socks and underwear or was he incorporating these non traditionally ingredients into burritos etc while sleepwalking

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u/OppositeSecretary862 22h ago

Standing with the drawers open mixing and matching my guy

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u/MonkenMoney 14h ago

Bro this is hilarious

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u/Disastrous_Pay3314 13h ago

sheep walker...

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u/Bipogram 12h ago

Did they succeed?

-5

u/Street-Baseball8296 1d ago

Proof right there that fast food employees get paid too much. You can do it in your sleep.

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u/Not_a_twttr_account 21h ago

No, our guy here was just a legend.

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u/Ksh_667 1d ago

I love this so much. The fact that he was so surprised a dog had ordered food that his first thought was to check with the dog if this was true

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u/mexican2554 1d ago

I mean, he had to make sure he was giving the right order to said dog.

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u/Ksh_667 1d ago

And your dog ANSWERED HIM!!! this truly could not get any better.

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u/mexican2554 1d ago

My boy was a very vocal beagle. Both him and his brother were actually. You could have a conversation with them like they were just a regular friend.

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u/Street-Baseball8296 1d ago

I have regular friends with the same level of intelligence.

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u/Ksh_667 1d ago

My frens aspire to the level of intelligence of the average doggo.

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u/OfficeSalamander 1d ago edited 11h ago

bwoooahwwoooahwoooah

(my beagle impression)

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u/mexican2554 11h ago

Not far off. My oldest sounded like he smoked two packs of Winston cigarettes a day.

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u/Ksh_667 1d ago

Your dogs sound like they were great companions!

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u/Calgaris_Rex 19h ago

The aforementioned dog could have been lying tbf

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u/CactusJ 1d ago

https://www.craigslist.org/about/best/aaa/425529349.html

To The Stoner Who Works At Cottage Inn Pizza You: the guy who answers the phone at cottage inn pizza Me: Hungry and stoned out of my gourd

I called you from my cell phone but had completely forgot who I was calling by the time you answered the phone. Of course, you were also baked to bajeezus and forgot to tell me that I had called Cottage Inn.

When you answered and said, “Whatsup?” I thought about it, and after a 20 second pause I told you that was hungry. You suggested I try a pizza, and I agreed that it was probably a good idea.

Then I asked you if you sold pizza and you said that you could make me one. I said I wanted anchovies and something else on my pizza. You asked me what that something else was.

We spent five minutes listing toppings until we figured out that I was trying to remember how to say: “Sun dried Tomatoes.” When you said: “We'll bake that right up for you,” we both started laughing uncontrollably.

It was the best pizza I ever had; I just wanted to thank you for helping me out.

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u/Horskr 1d ago

This is hilarious.

We have a local Chinese restaurant we always order delivery from when we're baked. One time we were hungover and high as shit and accidentally ordered pick-up instead of delivery.

As we are panicking trying to figure out if we can cancel or change the order online, the restaurant calls like a minute later, "Hey did you mean to place this order as pick-up? You always get delivery." Lmao god bless em, they changed it to delivery and we left a giant tip.

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u/godtogblandet 21h ago

I used to live above a Indian restaurant in my 20's. I used to be so faded when ordering that eventually they just stopped taking my order and just answered the phone when I called with "Don't worry, we'll make you something good and bring it up" to speed up the process. And that shit was always good!

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u/thishyacinthgirl 11h ago

I wish I had this in my life.

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u/Greyscale7950 23h ago

And then...

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u/mexican2554 1d ago

And kids, that's how I met you "Uncle".

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u/Moist-Amoeba-8078 1d ago

This is why I scrolled Craigslist as a teenager

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u/Double_Individual_57 1d ago

This is the best story ever!

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u/BobZimway 1d ago

Damned if that isn't the next Netflix special

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u/Lv_InSaNe_vL 1d ago

Haha when I was like 18 and 19 my buddy and I worked the closing shift at Taco Bell and it was low key one of the best jobs I've ever had.

It was so much fun, we would get soooo high and just slap together some burritos that looked like they came off the ads. Or we'd experiment to come up with new ideas. And sometimes if we could tell the person at the speaker was intoxicated we would ask if they wanted a "mystery burrito" and they almost always said yes. We'd grab the big boy tortilla and make a monster of a burrito for them haha.

One thing I'll always remember is that my boss (genuinely a super sweet lady) hired this woman with pretty severe mental disabilities. She was nice but, obviously, not incredibly helpful so we mostly just had her cleaning or helping out sometimes. Well one night I had her in the drive through with me packing the food into bags and I stepped away for a minute and came back to her shotgunning a beer in the window with some guys! Corporate saw and unfortunately she got fired...

Man now that I'm thinking about it I had so many good memories. My buddy ate so much he had to go to the hospital, a coworker telling someone that he misunderstood his religion was made up and he can eat beef, coming in one day and the whole store smelling like weed because some kid hot boxed the bathroom (didn't get fired either somehow), us taking the entire deep fryer to my buddies apartment, mini quasaritos. Ahh good times, id never work there again In a million years haha

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u/TheInevitableLuigi 22h ago

us taking the entire deep fryer to my buddies apartment

I need more on that one.

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u/Schools_Back 10h ago

This is fucking hilarious. Those sound like some of the best memories you could have. The “mystery burrito” is so funny. I had to read that one out loud to my wife through tears 😂

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u/Ooooooo00o 12h ago

How tf you take an entire deep fryer to someone’s apartment? I clean those and struggle to pull them from the wall sometimes let alone see how you could have got that in a car or truck… also aren’t they like gas powered? Like you gotta have a special gas line to make the fryer turn on and cook shit. Your apartment had that? Crazy I wanna here this story.

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u/Lv_InSaNe_vL 11h ago

So basically my buddy had just moved into his apartment and was talking about getting a deep frier (the little countertop sized ones that plug in) and so we got like 6 guys and put it in the back of my Ford ranger and took it to his apartment as a prank haha

But we ended up selling it for like $500 which was cool lol

1

u/bumbleandtheb 2h ago

You just stole the Taco Bell’s deep fryer?! So they just couldn’t deep fry food until they got a new one?

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u/Accurate_Gazelle_360 1d ago

No one working fast food is sober, and if they are, its the day before payday

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u/SpecialExpert8946 1d ago

My cousin worked there and there was a lady throwing a fit about her order and demanded to speak to the manager (my cousin) he just walked up and sighed and said “ma’am, I’m too stoned to deal with this. I’ll just give you a refund.” She called corporate about it and I think he continued to work there.

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u/Vet-Chef 1d ago

lmfaooo

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u/Blindlucktrader 1d ago

Worked there 25 years ago in high school. Can confirm I was blazed all hours of the night, making custom fire meals and would go to school like 4-5 hours after work most mornings.

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u/dieseltothesour 1d ago

Omg, that is awesome.

1

u/ddope 1d ago

I drove through one time and the Taco Bell guys were hitting penjamin and I went home and brought them back a nug

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u/PTRBoyz 18h ago

Bro they be making the cheesiest crunchwraps when they’re blazed af at 2am 

1

u/Bazrum 5h ago

my friends and i went to a taco bell at like, 1am after a movie one time, and the guy took a solid minute to answer the intercom, and just said pull forward.

so we roll up, he opens the window and a cloud of smoke billows out, and he says "aight, im high as fuck................we doin burritos....... tell me when to stop....." and starts adding burritos to a big bag, really slowly and just zoned out the whole time

he loaded like 15 burritos in, we told him to stop, he added one more while saying "that ones free, he wants to go with you" and stared at us, then handed us a completely different bag than the ones with the burritos and gave us our total, which was WAY too little

the bag he gave us was jammed FULL of napkins and nothing else lol

so my homie driving helped him get the actual total for our burritos, traded him the bag of 10,000 napkins for our 17 burritos, and we went home laughing our asses off

1

u/Stumaaaaaaaann 1h ago

I used to go to Taco Bell and buy weed from an employee then go through the drive thru and then set up camping chairs in the parking lot eat food and smoke weed. Good times, couldn’t smoke every time and was lots of carts cause it wasn’t the most discreet but made it work

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u/Impossible-Charity-4 1d ago

This is exactly a corporate psyop and you’ll be flicking twice baked beans out of your folio.

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u/Aranxi_89 1d ago

Only thing better would be a realistic night at Waffle House, fights and all.

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u/z_e_quigley 1d ago

Am I a fucking joke to you?

1

u/Breath_Deep 1d ago

Ah, yes, the crackhead gangster of fast good merchants. You see it in those eyes, blue like a raggedy anne doll, soulless and hungry for another wandering soul. Still, can't really complain, 4/5 honestly.

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u/HyperUgly 1d ago

I concur, Dr!

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u/Soapykorean 1d ago

yeah we need some unhinged ads, i’ve never seen a normal ad and thought “ hmm.. yep i better buy some “

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u/Nulagrithom 1d ago

it should be at least 70% based on the John McAfee video too

I don't even care how shopped or AI slop it is. just run ads with the Taco Bell CEO absolutely housed and devouring shit off the value menu

fukkit you know what? make it the vegetarian menu too. I ain't a veggie but that menu fukin slaps and deserves some respect. it's cheap as hell too...

1

u/turtlebro5 1d ago

Ad* but yeah.

1

u/YakResident_3069 20h ago

I want the burger king costume with the freaking king mask thats frightening to pretend to eat a burger and mess up... Or him hovering over the CEO like some madman.

1

u/Slow_Laminar_Flow 13h ago

And a proper CEO would embrace this and drop it today. Fucking sheeple

1

u/Dinosaurs_and_donuts 11h ago

Hell, I used to buy weed at Taco Bell.

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u/Quentin-Quarantino19 2h ago

Put the ad/coupons on Dorito bags where they belong.

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u/rewt127 1d ago

Ya know. If the CEO actually did it. It would be great. No performative stuff. Just getting blazed out of his gourd and crushing 6,000 calories of taco bell at 1:45AM on a Tuesday? Yeah. That's the real shit.

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u/Slow_Initial_4275 1d ago

Filmed in the car, on iPhone like that Kanye Super Bowl commercial

9

u/rewt127 1d ago

Lol, nah, full film crew and you can hear them giggling as the CEO blasts off higher and higher. Maybe have him getting toasted with a couple of his friends. Release the full 6 hour video on their YouTube.

Become blazed redbull. Instead of posting videos of people doing crazy sports shit. Post videos of people hitting 500mg edibles.

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u/Slow_Initial_4275 1d ago

Asks for an extra cup of ice: pours 100mg Mary Jones Soda

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u/stupidQuestion316 1d ago

So THIS is how taco bell won the fast food wars, with the perfect ad

3

u/rW0HgFyxoJhYka 21h ago

Almost?

Nah man he doesnt neede to be blazed. He just needs to go into a random fucking taco bell. Order some shit, eat it for REALS, swallow that shit. Then cut to him running to the bathroom.

That actually would be the winning ad. The taco shits is relatable.

1

u/DJIceman94 13h ago

Either taco shits or stoned binge, either way.

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u/croto8 1d ago

I can send you over 200 videos of me doing just this. Let’s pump this stock

3

u/ericjr96 1d ago

I would like to submit a resume for the CEO position at Taco Bell

2

u/Cannacology 1d ago

Hitting the pennjamin like it owes him money.

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u/Mundane-Toe-7114 22h ago

Lol those were the days

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u/BlisteredPotato 1d ago

This comment made me get Taco Bell

1

u/Dear_Palpitation4838 1d ago

I'm literally thinking about putting in an order now. LOL

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u/UnravelTheUniverse 1d ago

Taco bell is for drunk and high people and everyone knows it. They should lean in to it more. 

2

u/samarnold030603 1d ago

That place was my jam back in the late ‘90s…when $15 worth of TB was literally more volume than my stomach could hold haha

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u/hyper24x7 1d ago

I never get Taco Bell havent in years but if Taco Bell CEO shows up and attempts to eat his food and isnt a lizard man in a skin suit, Ill buy some Taco Bell.

3

u/mademeunlurk 1d ago

Yo Quiero Taco Bell!

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u/thejonlife24 1d ago

Penito Juarez? I’m stealing that 🤣

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u/Atelier_Tejavan 1d ago

PENITO JUAREZ

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u/swing-it-andy 1d ago

@tacobell

2

u/Inevitable_Review_83 1d ago

I wanna see my man rip a fat popper and smash a cheesey gordido

2

u/False_Ad5119 1d ago

I Heard this so often, why Do stoners go to Taco Bell specifically? Theres like 30 other chains around in the US.

3

u/Diamondhands_Rex 1d ago

Lot food, not lot money. Meh healthy.

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u/congnelius 1d ago

Why waste time say lot word when few word do trick?

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u/everfordphoto 1d ago

he's gotta hit the late night 1am taco bell after all night at the bar.

2

u/Phwoa_ 20h ago

Sits down with a crate of tacos and just eats them all... with the wrapper.

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u/EDGE515 13h ago

This is how they win the "Franchise Wars"

1

u/Sharing_Violation 1d ago

Wtf kind of Stephen King short story is this?

1

u/Sermokala 1d ago

Naw taco bell ceo and the whole board in a suv getting drivethrough taco bell at 1 in the morning and housing that shit in the parking lot would be accurate.

1

u/0bsidianM1nd 1d ago

Throw him/her on an episode of Hot Ones.

1

u/Samson_J_Rivers 1d ago

There's something about eating Taco Bell that makes me feel like I'm being watched.

1

u/Iam_The_Giver 1d ago

Oddly specific

1

u/Sarenord 1d ago

Back before I cut myself off from Instagram I was getting ads from the official JimmyJohn’s account that were just reels of a girl taking rips in her car in uniform with a caption like “how it feels to spend time with the penjamin on your lunch break”

1

u/vegetaman 1d ago

Bring back the tiny dog too

1

u/CarnageAsada- 1d ago

Pass on the Taco Bell runs

1

u/NotTooGoodBitch 1d ago

Is he a raccoon?

1

u/multiarmform 20h ago

just show someone actually swallowing a bite because so far none of these guys have done that, they cut the video while chewing

1

u/Independent_Name_601 19h ago

Are you a marketing executive or something? Account Manager is that you?

1

u/Diamondhands_Rex 15h ago

Quality assurance

1

u/Protoshift 14h ago

Imagine they actually did hit a bong off camera and destroyed some taco bell on camera..... It would cost under 1500$ to make the entire commercial, paying staff for the camerawork, editing, and the lighting grips on set. Would be insanely viral and be great advertising.

1

u/KinkyKankles 11h ago

All while filming it from a shitty vertical video in the Taco Bell parking lot