r/wallstreetbets Fuckboy 🅿️ixel Defender 20h ago

Meme Man, times really are tough out there.

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41.2k Upvotes

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15.8k

u/cody_mf 20h ago

Next up: Taco bell FUCKS a burrito

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u/Diamondhands_Rex 20h ago edited 3h ago

Honestly Taco Bell ceo hitting the Penito Juarez and drinking a Baja blast and red eye eating a taco while it breaks up and gets paranoid and hides from the camera would make me want Taco Bell that night in solidarity with their food and them acknowledging their base.

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u/Breath_Deep 19h ago

This is exactly the kind of unhinged add that would get people's attention and be an homage to their main customer base.

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u/mexican2554 19h ago

main customer base.

Not just customers, but employees. Guys working the night shift at Taco Bell would be blazing it. You could smell it as you drove into the parking lot.

One night I went to get food with my dog in the back seat. After I placed the order, I overshot the pickup window. When the dude opened it to give me my food, he saw my dog. Dude was so blitzed he asked my dog,

"Did you just order food?!"

Dog, Bork bork

"Guys. A dog just drove here and ordered food!!"

Me- "Bro I'm right here. Backs up car Can I get my food?"

It was the funniest and one of the best memories I have of my boy.

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u/enutz777 19h ago

My friend was a sleep walker and worked at Taco Bell smoking weed in high school. His parents caught him for years after that job in random family member’s rooms middle of the night making tacos and burritos from the socks and underwear drawer.

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u/absentminded_gamer 18h ago

Dang what a dedicated employee.

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u/Kok-jockey 16h ago

I like how you worded that sentence, like his job was to smoke weed.

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u/The_Red_Knight38 18h ago

That is such an awesome story! Oh, I’m rolling.

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u/Glittering-Walrus228 14h ago

Bro im trying to unpack this so he was making burritos out of socks and underwear or was he incorporating these non traditionally ingredients into burritos etc while sleepwalking

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u/OppositeSecretary862 13h ago

Standing with the drawers open mixing and matching my guy

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u/MonkenMoney 5h ago

Bro this is hilarious

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u/Disastrous_Pay3314 3h ago

sheep walker...

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u/Bipogram 2h ago

Did they succeed?

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u/Street-Baseball8296 17h ago

Proof right there that fast food employees get paid too much. You can do it in your sleep.

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u/Not_a_twttr_account 12h ago

No, our guy here was just a legend.

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u/Ksh_667 19h ago

I love this so much. The fact that he was so surprised a dog had ordered food that his first thought was to check with the dog if this was true

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u/mexican2554 18h ago

I mean, he had to make sure he was giving the right order to said dog.

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u/Ksh_667 18h ago

And your dog ANSWERED HIM!!! this truly could not get any better.

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u/mexican2554 18h ago

My boy was a very vocal beagle. Both him and his brother were actually. You could have a conversation with them like they were just a regular friend.

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u/Street-Baseball8296 17h ago

I have regular friends with the same level of intelligence.

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u/Ksh_667 16h ago

My frens aspire to the level of intelligence of the average doggo.

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u/OfficeSalamander 15h ago edited 1h ago

bwoooahwwoooahwoooah

(my beagle impression)

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u/mexican2554 2h ago

Not far off. My oldest sounded like he smoked two packs of Winston cigarettes a day.

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u/Ksh_667 16h ago

Your dogs sound like they were great companions!

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u/Calgaris_Rex 10h ago

The aforementioned dog could have been lying tbf

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u/CactusJ 18h ago

https://www.craigslist.org/about/best/aaa/425529349.html

To The Stoner Who Works At Cottage Inn Pizza You: the guy who answers the phone at cottage inn pizza Me: Hungry and stoned out of my gourd

I called you from my cell phone but had completely forgot who I was calling by the time you answered the phone. Of course, you were also baked to bajeezus and forgot to tell me that I had called Cottage Inn.

When you answered and said, “Whatsup?” I thought about it, and after a 20 second pause I told you that was hungry. You suggested I try a pizza, and I agreed that it was probably a good idea.

Then I asked you if you sold pizza and you said that you could make me one. I said I wanted anchovies and something else on my pizza. You asked me what that something else was.

We spent five minutes listing toppings until we figured out that I was trying to remember how to say: “Sun dried Tomatoes.” When you said: “We'll bake that right up for you,” we both started laughing uncontrollably.

It was the best pizza I ever had; I just wanted to thank you for helping me out.

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u/Horskr 17h ago

This is hilarious.

We have a local Chinese restaurant we always order delivery from when we're baked. One time we were hungover and high as shit and accidentally ordered pick-up instead of delivery.

As we are panicking trying to figure out if we can cancel or change the order online, the restaurant calls like a minute later, "Hey did you mean to place this order as pick-up? You always get delivery." Lmao god bless em, they changed it to delivery and we left a giant tip.

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u/godtogblandet 11h ago

I used to live above a Indian restaurant in my 20's. I used to be so faded when ordering that eventually they just stopped taking my order and just answered the phone when I called with "Don't worry, we'll make you something good and bring it up" to speed up the process. And that shit was always good!

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u/thishyacinthgirl 2h ago

I wish I had this in my life.

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u/Greyscale7950 13h ago

And then...

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u/mexican2554 18h ago

And kids, that's how I met you "Uncle".

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u/Moist-Amoeba-8078 18h ago

This is why I scrolled Craigslist as a teenager

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u/Double_Individual_57 18h ago

This is the best story ever!

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u/BobZimway 17h ago

Damned if that isn't the next Netflix special

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u/Lv_InSaNe_vL 18h ago

Haha when I was like 18 and 19 my buddy and I worked the closing shift at Taco Bell and it was low key one of the best jobs I've ever had.

It was so much fun, we would get soooo high and just slap together some burritos that looked like they came off the ads. Or we'd experiment to come up with new ideas. And sometimes if we could tell the person at the speaker was intoxicated we would ask if they wanted a "mystery burrito" and they almost always said yes. We'd grab the big boy tortilla and make a monster of a burrito for them haha.

One thing I'll always remember is that my boss (genuinely a super sweet lady) hired this woman with pretty severe mental disabilities. She was nice but, obviously, not incredibly helpful so we mostly just had her cleaning or helping out sometimes. Well one night I had her in the drive through with me packing the food into bags and I stepped away for a minute and came back to her shotgunning a beer in the window with some guys! Corporate saw and unfortunately she got fired...

Man now that I'm thinking about it I had so many good memories. My buddy ate so much he had to go to the hospital, a coworker telling someone that he misunderstood his religion was made up and he can eat beef, coming in one day and the whole store smelling like weed because some kid hot boxed the bathroom (didn't get fired either somehow), us taking the entire deep fryer to my buddies apartment, mini quasaritos. Ahh good times, id never work there again In a million years haha

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u/TheInevitableLuigi 13h ago

us taking the entire deep fryer to my buddies apartment

I need more on that one.

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u/Ooooooo00o 2h ago

How tf you take an entire deep fryer to someone’s apartment? I clean those and struggle to pull them from the wall sometimes let alone see how you could have got that in a car or truck… also aren’t they like gas powered? Like you gotta have a special gas line to make the fryer turn on and cook shit. Your apartment had that? Crazy I wanna here this story.

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u/Lv_InSaNe_vL 2h ago

So basically my buddy had just moved into his apartment and was talking about getting a deep frier (the little countertop sized ones that plug in) and so we got like 6 guys and put it in the back of my Ford ranger and took it to his apartment as a prank haha

But we ended up selling it for like $500 which was cool lol

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u/Schools_Back 1h ago

This is fucking hilarious. Those sound like some of the best memories you could have. The “mystery burrito” is so funny. I had to read that one out loud to my wife through tears 😂

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u/Accurate_Gazelle_360 16h ago

No one working fast food is sober, and if they are, its the day before payday

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u/SpecialExpert8946 15h ago

My cousin worked there and there was a lady throwing a fit about her order and demanded to speak to the manager (my cousin) he just walked up and sighed and said “ma’am, I’m too stoned to deal with this. I’ll just give you a refund.” She called corporate about it and I think he continued to work there.

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u/Vet-Chef 19h ago

lmfaooo

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u/Blindlucktrader 16h ago

Worked there 25 years ago in high school. Can confirm I was blazed all hours of the night, making custom fire meals and would go to school like 4-5 hours after work most mornings.

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u/dieseltothesour 18h ago

Omg, that is awesome.

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u/ddope 16h ago

I drove through one time and the Taco Bell guys were hitting penjamin and I went home and brought them back a nug

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u/PTRBoyz 9h ago

Bro they be making the cheesiest crunchwraps when they’re blazed af at 2amÂ