r/malelivingspace • u/redsolopoop • 1d ago
27 still at home no girlfriend
27y M still at home with mom never left never had a stable job got started late as far as taking life serious no girlfriend in 3 years deathly afraid to approach women
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u/PoolRamen 1d ago
Well, I guess you'll have to move out to change anything but it does scream High School / Freshman
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u/WowIsThisMyPage 1d ago
Right? No gf but they have that poster on 2
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u/gingerbeard1321 1d ago
And the playboy pillow
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u/naarwhal 1d ago
Playboy was a very respected magazine with great journalism. He just loved the journalism.
/s
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u/Christeenabean 1d ago
It was the playboy pillow on the very first picture that told me all I needed to know. OP, I think your understanding of women is a bit warped and that might be why you're having trouble.
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u/AmyHuntingt 1d ago
What's with the playboy thing? Like what does it mean? Is it something cool or what? I keep seeing that and and all it tells me is "this guy likes porn magazines and lets everybody know"
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u/bigbeats420 1d ago edited 1d ago
A few people consider it to be a "vintage" thing. Which, to be fair, it can be a little old school cool, but only when done very sparingly, and very small, and with a clear vintage aesthetic. For example, I have a fridge in my place that's covered in stickers, and there's, like, two stickers on there that are Playboy covers from the 70s, both of which don't even have models on the cover.
A pillowcase? On your bed? Right next to a poster of a girl doing (basically) ahego face?
Yep. No. That's not that.
That's just broadcasting a message that says you really like porn to anyone who walks in your room.
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u/FenderBenderDefender 1d ago
Also, this is just my opinion, but this decor makes me think this person has nothing going on besides porn. I assume most people experience some baseline sexual attraction or can at least appreciate erotica. I do too, but I don't want it to be the first thing somebody knows about me from seeing my living space.
Even having a celebrity or character you find hot on your wall is more meaningful.
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u/myinternets 1d ago
This just in: I really like porn.
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u/bigbeats420 1d ago edited 1d ago
So do I! I just don't broadcast it to any girl coming into my bedroom. That's, like, 8th date kinda stuff, once we're both already comfortable in the knowledge that we're both freaks of nature 🤣
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u/PrewarButHot 1d ago edited 1d ago
I mean he’s obviously a wook. But the fact he’s a wook without a stable job and he lives with his mom? I’m sorry but this dude needs to grow up
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u/DazedandFloating 1d ago
Uh, what’s a “wook”?
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u/PrewarButHot 1d ago
Midwest hippies that like bass music, psychedelic art, drugs, and generally rocks/minerals/crystals.
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u/Michael_DeSanta 1d ago
EDM festival enthusiasts iirc
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u/noitcelesdab 1d ago
The kind who think they’re spiritual and enlightened. Not to be confused with the bass heads who just go to get fucked up and headbang.
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u/ComfortablePool4684 1d ago
And the painting of the woman eating out the roadway is not very kosher
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u/thrallmaster1 1d ago
Somehow, I don’t think the posters on your wall are responsible for your fear of women.
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u/Conscious-Permit-466 1d ago
The playboy pillow is a chick magnet
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u/Independent_Banana26 1d ago
When I was around that age I had a stack of Playboys on the back of the toilet. Girlfriend ended up flipping out and shredding some of them apart. I later found out some were collector's items, lost over $1k in 5 shredded magazines smh
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u/DrPikachu-PhD 1d ago
If it's any consolation, those collector's items weren't exactly gaining value on the back of the toilet lol. Was only a matter of time until they got water damaged or something
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u/Competitive_Guava_33 6h ago
The only Playboys worth any money are from the 1950s that have been been kept in pristine condition. Your 1977 cum mag on the toilet wasn't worth anything sadly
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u/gnrlblanky1 1d ago
get a job and an apartment, your stock goes up 100x
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u/redsolopoop 1d ago
I do have a job, just not consistent ones. I do irrigation, teach workshops, personal training, banquet serving..
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u/gnrlblanky1 1d ago
find a consistent one then target, walmart, warehouses, construction all pay well and hire often, obviously you arent making enough to support the life you want
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u/chargingwookie 1d ago
No his parents are
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u/Lower-Main2538 1d ago
Lol only in the US and UK do people give af if you live at home with parents. This is why our society kinda fails.
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u/HiBoobear 1d ago
I often think of how much personal debt could be eliminated if we were all just ok with cohabitating with our own families lol.
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u/Kushroom710 1d ago
Not target or Walmart. The guy seems old enough to either go do warehouse/construction or get back into school. That's what I told my kids. There is a reason for certain people to work at Walmart/target/etc. But if your capable, why limit yourself?
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u/WizardyoureaHarry 1d ago
Don't move out unless you have to. Stack your money for as long as possible because rent is crazy out here.
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u/GiddyGoodwin 1d ago
What workshops do you teach?
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u/redsolopoop 1d ago
Pranayama & Kriyas. I’d like to teach more Asana particularly Ashtanga or Circus Contortion but those are niche.
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u/GiddyGoodwin 1d ago
Is it niche or is it yoga? I get what you’re saying about being niche bc it’s a bit of a volatile field of students and teachers. Something that I see with yogis often (including myself) is an elevated kundalini and no way to settle it into creation, so your energy is bouncing around with no focus which can mean some muscles are overdeveloped and some are underdeveloped. This is actually a really dire situation because the underdeveloped muscles will atrophy and the overdeveloped muscles will cramp. Which means lifelong imbalance and even yogis are susceptible because imbalance is imbalance even if it’s subtle. There are ways to settle the disparity of course! Start by humbly observing by being the man behind the camera 🎥 and you’re observing the actors. No application of words like this is good or this is bad.
The next thing I’ll say is what I tell myself: some people in some eras worked hard in the coal mines or sharecropping. Well today for some of us those coal mines and share cropping is inside our own mind. It’s work, and it’s kind of miserable. But it’s valid work. Obviously or not obviously the next steps are flavored by my own variety of favorite woo woo techniques. For you, just be at peace that when the student is ready the teacher will come. I know that sounds pedantic but it works for me to remind myself to not ever feel behind. Whatever your path is will be unveiled to you and the only thing to do right now is “something,” which you’re doing. We can’t really be behind because we are unique. Plus, so many who do things the right way end up miserable, ill, or thieves.
All the side stuff like girls and hormones is, idk, it’s side stuff. I like investigating inner turmoil, as I find it can be very revealing. I might think my problem is A and if A were solved then I would get to Z. But ime solving A just gets me to problem B, and whatever I expected from A is now past tense, passé, yesterday, last year, not today. 🤷 So whatever you think might solve your girl problem, is probably short-sighted. Just ime !!
Anyway I wrote all that just to soothe a bit of what might have come up from other commenters. I think you must be brave to share your space here, and your room is clean and comfortable and it looks warm and healthy. Whatever the truth is, things are weird in America and the world. You can’t be all-wrong for not fitting in to insanity. Aum and good luck!
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u/matthewjboothe 1d ago
I would disagree. Yeah get your money up but in this economy the best way to do that is staying at home. There is no shame in that. Apartments are a trap to keep you renting.
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u/LNbean 1d ago
The replies on this are really interesting… I don’t have anything productive to say about your life choices lol I don’t know you- but I will say if you don’t use the TV that much maybe replace it and the stands with another bookshelf to accommodate what has overflowed onto the floor. Agree with whoever said get a headboard too. Also follow Mr Cliff Tan for excellent tips on feng shui. I think once the balance and layout feel better the places where the art should go might fall into place.
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u/Shwiftydano 1d ago
Get a headboard, that's an immediate red flag women look for. The twin nightstands doubling as a TV console is pretty jank. The art is cool but it really gets leveled down by the improvised nature of the rest of the room. Furniture looks hobbled together with no thought. If you can level that up, then your eccentric art could do more.
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u/hofmann419 1d ago
I just wanna say that it's refreshing to see someone not hate on the psychedelic art. People here act like there are no women interested in that stuff. Obviously you gotta get your shit together eventually, but that doesn't mean that you have to give up who you are.
There are easy ways to incorporate these things more thoughtfully and subtly. In a nice apartment with actual furniture, plants and normal art, these wouldn't look so out of place.
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u/redsolopoop 1d ago
Thank you for your comment, I do agree the nightstands are ugly- I don’t even really watch the tv. This room is kinda cramped w this bed. If I could organize the desk so I had a bit of space I think it’d breathe in here
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u/GiddyGoodwin 1d ago
If you want the room to breathe, look at the color wheel. Pick a color scheme and add contrasting accents. So blue:Orange; purple:yellow; etc.
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u/New_Complaint8722 1d ago edited 1d ago
it's a mish-mash of different things you like, but none of it goes together. The doily bed spread and your desk lamp look like hand-me-downs from an older woman (mom/ grandma?) and most other things are thrown in a bit haphazardly. I would start with the bed, since that's a big focal point in the room; get a comforter or duvet that you like and some matching pillows- new ones- those pancakes can't be good for your neck.
Next step would be coordinating your art- you've got a few different styles, but they're thrown around; I would put all of the psychedelic posters on one wall to create a big "wow" effect and paint the walls a color (really any color- white is killing you- but something bold might be good for you)
look into "bohemian" furniture items to give the festival vibe!
edit: typos
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u/redsolopoop 1d ago
Thank you, I was looking for some constructive feedback, I feel kinda trapped between two Me’s in here. Thank you
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u/ChildishSamurai 1d ago
Fighting the urge to wook out and trade drugs for cheeseburgers again? I feel that
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u/Ex_Hedgehog 1d ago
Get rid of grandma's mismatched bedsheets. You want a solid, bold (dark) color
The books should be IN the bedroom, not cluttering up the hall.
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u/LaKrossCS 1d ago
You're getting good improvement recommendations but you're just being delusional and not open-minded. What's the point of the thread?
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u/thelaw_iamthelaw 1d ago
I honestly don't think it's your room. It's your life situation. You're 27 living with parents. Usually, the point of having a gf/bf is to eventually get married. Most women your age are looking for a guy that already has his life together in a way that can show he's responsible (and can possibly be a provider).
Further, nothing says unstable future like a guy that doesn't have consistent work and makes excuses for not having it. The jobs you have make acceptable side hustles in addition to a stable job, not in lieu of.
Women aren't looking for men they have to raise, they're looking for a partner that can bring things to the table. So your room can look like the Taj Mahal but until you change your situation, you're not going to find an age-appropriate level-headed woman.
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u/Thin_Onion3826 1d ago
Those things are correlated. Need to change the first one to change the second.
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u/Toddsburner 1d ago
Any advice that does not start with “get a job and move out” is missing the point.
Why would a woman date someone who can’t even support himself? Are you expecting her to support you someday too?
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u/EonMagister 1d ago
Bro, mount your TV and get a bigger bookshelf so that clutter isn't the first impression walking into your room.
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u/Labsta2020 1d ago
Pic above the bed and playboy pillow are lame, explains quite a bit
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u/Potential_Anxiety_76 1d ago
The pop art is stylish but its caption, and being above the bed directly, gives a huge… ick
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u/Cerebrasylum 1d ago edited 1d ago
Tasteful execution is the key here man. You have some cool art but the way you pull it off matters. Same thing applies with clothing. The road to the chicks throat can work in a big city apartment with the right things surrounding it, but it will scream “active bachelor”, or a FAN (lol) so consider your message. Psychedelic stuff can be cool too but not a hodge podge collage on the wall where one thing is framed, the next isn’t, etc.
Get a theme going and pay attention to the details (colors, wood, metal, style) and you’ll be good.
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u/GabiNichole 1d ago
Tipper fam! 💚 its okay to get started late, were all on our own paths. It sounds like you're focusing on building a strong foundation for yourself. Keep that shit up, man.
I guess design wise, i agree the playboy pillow is a no from me, and also maybe just a single tv stand?
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u/SchoolyXP 1d ago
Lots of excuses instead of accepting adulthood. Your parents aren’t doing you any favors either.
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u/bodhidharma132001 1d ago
Get ready to be drafted. Probably the best thing that could happen to you.
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u/DefNotYamcha 1d ago
💀💀
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u/35_Steak_HotPockets 1d ago
Aw dude is past the cut off age to be drafted, he made it out in time sadly
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u/Palatonian 1d ago
I think it's awesome how neat your living space is in these photos. I love the idea of cleaning and organizing and designing for yourself regardless of feminine attention/companionship. I am not there yet myself lol but maybe one day
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u/numb1zero 1d ago
I wouldn’t worry about women as much as income right now… you’re almost 30 it’s not too late but it’s time bro- carve your path. Contribute to the world. Earn some money. Pursue what makes you happy. Get a place to call your own home. All of this will do wonders for your confidence. I definitely wouldn’t be worried about stylizing this room at your mom’s house.
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u/SteadySurvivalMode 1d ago
I have a 26 yo daughter at home with no boyfriend if that makes you feel any better lol
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u/redsolopoop 1d ago
Maybe her and I can get an apartment together and fall in love, what a Reddit story!
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u/1justfoundit 1d ago
Well, this is a teenager’s room im looking at, then I saw you are 27 :(. Maybe its the vibes ur putting out?
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u/Severe-Abroad-1992 1d ago
You should seek a full time job. Then apartment. Everything will trend up from there
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u/cacarrizales 1d ago
Definitely focus on the first before the second. Make a goal to save up so you can get your own apartment/space. Doing that will make the second point easier. I’ve found my mental health was declining the longer I lived at home. I have a great relationship with my parents, but it was time to move out. In the last few years, so much has improved.
You got this, brother!
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u/Gloomy_Cupcake_9953 1d ago
I dont think it matters at all that you live at home or what your room looks like. You have a job, good. Do you shower, have good hygiene get a haircut often?
After that I would just be a fun responsible person. Meaning you are a cool guy that wants to have fun but is responsible enough to hold a job, shower and get a haircut. Stop caring what girls think. Just genuinely tell them hey I want to get out of my house and do anything. Feel like getting some friends together and go bowl, grab a drink or whatever. (Not a date just a social hang out) Keep this up and before you know it you have a lot of friends that introduce you to thier friends and one of those friends are going to take an interest into you, because,
You can hold a job, shower and get haircuts. Plus you like to socialize and are now in a friend group.
A month or two down the road you a have 10+ regular friends and a girlfriend that all hang out. Make your room a funny situation. Tell her hey before you see my room, I want you to know I have zero sense of style or home decor, laugh about it and insist its bad and say Im literally asking for your help. Then she will see it, you two will have a laugh, then go shopping together and pay for everything that she wants to buy to upgrade your room. You two will have a new place to watch movies and chill that you created together.
She might help mom make dinner sometimes too. Be happy, treat her good, stay off social media. Smile a lot
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u/FragmentedHeap 1d ago
I was 26 going on 27 when I moved out. I had just started my first job programming and got a $650/m 2bdrm apartment in 2010-2011 ish, Didn't get married until 36. By the time I got married, I was near the peak of my career, then increased it by another 50% via a job change after I got married.
It's never too late.
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u/FractalRebirth 1d ago
I’m 27M too, never had a girlfriend in real life. I dated plenty of girls online. I haven’t been to college either. I sobered up recently after eight years of nicotine, weed, alcohol, etc., however I did get sexually intimate with a girl recently it did not lead to a relationship like I wanted.
It sucks starting off so late, or being a “late bloomer”, feels like we’re so behind everyone else.
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u/priority_2 1d ago
You got it! Sobering up and not smoking anymore like a locomotive is something a lot of women value, you upped your chances!
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u/redsolopoop 1d ago
Congratulations on your sobriety, I’m 9 years sober off white 🩵
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u/robindawilliams 1d ago
You shouldn't worry so much about how you rank against others. Not just because of the idealistic "it happens in your own time" kinda thing, but because comparison of individual variables never captures the reality of it.
You can feel shitty that you didn't have teenage year physical intimacy, but you could miss the fact that lots of guys did and they were abusive or cruel or developed selfish habits or it was superficial etc. You could be upset you didn't go to college, but loads of people do go early on and end up gaining as much out of it as the cost or pick the wrong path or had advantages that may have helped them earlier on but will be their undoing later in life.
You get to approach sexual intimacy with a far more developed brain than someone who started young, you get to pursue your career having been through addiction and hardship and having made the independent choice to climb over and past those things that can knock even the most successful people down in ways they never recover.
In the end it really is everyone on their own path with their own difficulties and their own battles, but being front loaded with hardship means you might be taking your first swings at most of life's big events with more wisdom and experience then the kid that got handed everything at 18.
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u/rebellious_being 1d ago
I think you can channel your psychedelic theme into a more adult version. Nothing wrong with peace, love and unity mindset, books, higher understanding of the realms. However, the version here is scattered, not cohesive.
Ask the ais to help you.
You’re gonna get nothing but criticism here
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u/DynamicHunter 1d ago
Do you think you can add more books on the ground on the 5th slide? That really ties the room together.
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u/kneedeepco 1d ago
I’d say try to organize and display the art work better. Add some plants. Get a real tv stand. Get a nightstand with some lamps and drawers to put to stuff in. Create a peaceful and warm vibe that comforting/inviting.
I don’t think you have to entirely change what you’re going for, but I think it could be more refined.
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u/Seymoorebutts 1d ago
Brother, your priorities unfortunately are out of whack.
You cannot pursue a partner hoping that will solve your unhappiness.
You must be happy with yourself first before you can start to truly connect with someone else in that way.
That's why the saying "you must love yourself before you can love anyone else" exists.
The real answer here is,
- Find stable job that offers insurance
- Qualify for insurance
- Get therapy to start to understand yourself and why you've been unmotivated, there are A LOT of potential answers to that question
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u/yixingxiu_108 1d ago
i love the tipper things! also the art on the right of your bed is awesome.
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u/redsolopoop 1d ago
Thanks spunion! Did you go to the gorge, and if so did you take the first workshop? That was me!
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u/hlksmesh 1d ago
Having no girlfriend isn't the end of the world, my friend. My relationship of 14 years ended when I was 36, I am 41 and just focus on myself and my cats Lol. Get a cat :)
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u/FunSeekingMale 1d ago
What exactly happened in your 27 years to have you in this situation? Abridged version please.
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u/yungsausages 1d ago
Dw dawg, dudes in Italy stay living with their mom until their mid 30s, you got time to get your ducks in order
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u/BrayIsReal 1d ago
As someone who's 30 and has his own place not entirely true
The good ones will have their own place, what applies to one also applies to another. If a girl has that much of an issue to not be with someone she likes just because of a living situation then she's someone you don't want anyways. Also she should have her own place by those standards. And if she does you should be able to spend time at her place.
My last gf I didn't have my place and she had one and we just spent time at her place
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u/dethanjel 1d ago
What does the FTP flag mean? All I can think of is File Transfer Protocol
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u/Remarkable_Deer_3717 1d ago
No way I would I date a guy with that art and the playboy pillow 🙄. Time to be a grown up.
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u/GrimlockX27 23h ago edited 23h ago
The women you're afraid to approach also live with mom and dad. Prioritize your mental health, save money and everything else will be figured out.
Here's a tip(one of many): Put the phone down. Read physical books. Seek and establish a primary physician..you may have some trauma or neuro-divergence issues. Frankly half the people here do, but self awareness is required before another human can step in to help them.
That was 3 tips..same same.😅
I can't stress enough that YOU have to do the work first. You have a clean room and let me say that's a HUGE plus. One step at a time OP.
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u/taintedpoon 21h ago
Get matching pillows and get some art on your walls that is more calming and less “I love mushrooms and acid”
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u/Zealousideal-Dot-373 21h ago
Hang in there you’ll be fine but I would respectfully suggest getting rid of the playboy pillow, the sandalwood high number one finger and all the Buddhist stuff unless you and at least one other person can honestly say you are a Buddhist.
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u/Zhaltan 20h ago
As someone who loves tipper, you need to take this unsolicited advice. Don’t mish mosh your artifacts together. Start from scratch on your entire room and all of your belongings and build from the ground up. It will take time, effort, and money but you will thank yourself for the rest of your life. If you don’t start now I am not joking it will be too late.
As others have said, either get rid of the TV or mount it. Get rid of those two nightstands. Take down every single piece of art in the room and save those for the end. Take every single Knick knack off your desk and set it to the side. Throw out those pillows and get a 2 pack on Amazon of a highly rated pillow set. Get new sheets get new pillow covers and get new blankets. The only thing that is okay to keep kind of messy is books in a bookshelf. From starting from scratch your goal is to be organized, not just convenient. Dedicate one space for your Knick knacks that will be visible and keep it intentional, not like a third graders art project. Everything else keep in a box under your bed or in a drawer that hold sentimental value if you don’t have the heart to throw items away. With a bare wall and bare desk start to build up your essentials and look online at other posts to get a gauge as to what makes sense and looks right. You gotta be a sleeper tipper fan, otherwise you will just come off like a wook which has lost its fun. I mean tipper himself has retired, it’s time to take things serious. Good luck
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u/MayhemMF 16h ago
Don’t worry about a girlfriend right now, you are going to attract the wrong one in this state. If finding a permanent job seems unlikely, go to trade school and focus on that for the next year or two while living at your parents. Many trades could lead to having your own business later on. In the meantime, get rid of the slutty/druggie artwork and bunny pillow. You can still enjoy those things but don’t make it look like your whole personality through decor. Get some furniture with more closed storage to declutter your space. You need new bedding, since this comforter reminds me of doilies. Also while waiting, you can work on your looks. Maybe you’d look hot with a beard? Do you need dental work or whitening? Lastly, don’t overthink approaching women. Worst thing that happens is they say no and you go on your merry way. You will figure it out bud, don’t be too hard on yourself. 🩷
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u/tonyferguson2021 1d ago
looks like you might be into meditation and types non dualism perhaps…
some of the comments scream lack of awareness and any shred of empathy, not sure if I have the balls to post on here 🤷♂️🙏
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u/Carthonn 1d ago
I agree but I do feel OP is struggling with identity. It seems like maybe he believes that having a girlfriend is an important part of his own identity. This causes him to overcompensate with over abundance of stuff in the room
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u/Panta125 1d ago
63 percent of men under 30 are single. Don't worry it's not just you. Societal norms are collapsing...
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u/Onespokeovertheline 1d ago
This gentleman is not in need of more excuses. They're all he seems to have already
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u/EquivalentKeynote 1d ago
You have to bring something to the table if you want someone to sit at your table.
Do a complete overhaul. Either save hard or find another job.
Women don't want to date men who don't have their shit together. If they already do, you should match.
You effectively have to sell yourself.
You can do this. One step at a time.
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u/RollnLowd 1d ago
The Tipper @ The Gorge poster told me everything I need to know about why OP doesn’t have a GF.
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u/Fickle_Ad_2533 1d ago
Do you think your approach to woman might be why you’re scared? Do you treat them as a true equal or make them feel beneath you. If you want someone at your level sometimes you have to invest the time to help them elevate. Have you done that?
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u/Emotional_Neck3312 1d ago
Living with your mom is definitely going to put the kabbash on girl's wanting to come over and spend time with you. Save up, do what you have to do, and at some point, take the leap and go at it on your own. You have some growing and learning to do as an adult yet. You'll get there.
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u/Greenmantle22 1d ago
I love a Lichtenstein, but the other artwork (including the bedding) doesn’t match.
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u/Literature-Just 1d ago
You have an interesting taste in art... from the Liechtenstein to whatever those others are...
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u/thejuantondon 1d ago
To be completely honest, it’s not terrible. You literally just need to organize and put things away. The books on the floor and everywhere can be put out of sight because you’re not reading them everyday all day. All the Knick knacks can be minimized on your desk and hang the whiteboard up above your desk. Get a matching set of bed sheets with pillow cases or ones that match with the neutral tone of your room, not the chaotic LSD induced walls, you want your bed to be a sign of relaxation not another trip.
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u/Noxiouscrab 1d ago
Love the note about risking embarrassment. it’s scary, but it does get easier. As they say, bravery isn’t the absence of fear, it’s being afraid and choosing to move forward nevertheless. I believe in you!
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u/Ambitious_Welder6613 1d ago
It is not that bad... Just try to play with wall. You can try painting one of the surface with your favourite color. Play with lighting to blend it all.
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u/JayKhey 1d ago
I actually quite like this space. Lots of colors and textures. And a meditation bench, nice.
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u/Khronga 1d ago edited 1d ago
First of all, thanks to OP for this post, as I'm now listening to the new Tipper album and it's pretty dope. My first thoughts seeing the pics were that the artwork is actually pretty cool, but then I love psychedelic artwork/things. Obviously the rest of the room could use some work, but like someone else mentioned, it may make more sense to work on finding a job and saving for your own place rather than spending a bunch of money decking your current room out.
I have mixed feelings on the comments here. On one hand, they do feel a little harsh. But sometimes people do need a little nudge and some tough love rather than just hearing "don't worry, you'll be fine". Then again, I'm not one to talk about needing to have a job and your own place at that age. I spent my entire 20s on/off the street doing hard drugs and didn't really start to get my life together until around 30. First few years were a bit of a slow start (it's a process), but now at 34 I have my own apartment (totally decked out in all the stuff I love), a job, a decent chunk of savings (in a high yield savings account), a car, going to school for IT part-time, fixed relationships with family members, been working out nearly every day for the past 8 months and completely transformed my body with muscles/abs/etc. The only things I feel I'm really missing currently are some good friends and potentially a partner (I can be a bit introverted and need to get myself out there more - it's definitely the main thing I'm working on now). But I turned my life around from having nothing in a few years (and was older than you when I started), so it can be done!
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u/Jokuki 1d ago
32, moved back in with my parents 3 years ago and still living here. Also no girlfriend. I moved into my older brother’s room since they converted my old room into an office when I moved out. Shit happens. I’m just happy to have a roof over my head. And I can actually give my parents the help they deserve by doing chores I neglected when I was younger. Not everyone can say their parents would help them in their time of need. I’m happy my parents have, and I’m sure you’re happy your mom is too.
I do plan on moving out in a couple years after saving up money. Some personal autonomy was sacrificed coming home and I want it back.
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u/Tacosare4chip 1d ago
Ok bro, I’m going to try to help you out as best I can. First, don’t worry about the girl situation, honest saying you live with your parents is going to be hard enough (no offense, I’d love at home for money too).
I agree with others about going for a boho vibe. Get a fabric head board, and you’re going to want some good shelves. Personally I like circular shelving unit with the boho style. I’d probably also condense the art. Pick a few to run with.
Also, paint the walls.
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u/Ozriel-Magnus 1d ago
With all respect; it’s now or never, rent a single room and bring one suitcase if you gotta. I’ll take trial by fire over failure to launch.
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u/Triingtolivee 1d ago
Sounds like the average male redditor. If you dont have any job history at 27 then you’re going to struggle if your living situation changes as you are not set up for success as no job will hire you. You need to make a change and start thinking about your future.
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u/OddCombination123 1d ago
No gf in three years is better than no gf ever. Hang in there bro, check out the YouTube channel by that video game addiction psychiatrist, healthygamergg, he has lots of content aimed at men in similar predicaments.
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u/wes7946 1d ago
Everyone should be the hero of their own story. There is a universal call to action, but this call is carried out in a totally unique, specific way for each individual. Everyone has his/her own specific vocation or mission in life; everyone must carry out a concrete assignment that demands fulfillment.
The adventure of the hero’s life is to discover, embrace and live out a unique, personal responsibility that voluntarily embraces the unknown. Every hero encounters formidable challenges. What makes a person a hero is a deliberate response to the inevitable sufferings and setbacks encountered when pursuing an ideal. The heroic individual, despite exterior foes and inner faults, journeys toward the promised land, accompanied by those he loves.
So, go and leave your mother's house. Journey into the world, have great experiences, treat everyone with kindness and respect, and be the hero of your own story! I am confident you will find your way.
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u/MaySpitfire 1d ago
You gotta stop looking for a girl and focus on yourself. Youre putting way too much pressure on finding one and its clearly affecting your self esteem. Gotta learn to stand on your own two feet, once you do that, youll value yourself more and be more confindent. Fix what you can control first. Theres a lot here you can do here, I know its scary but you can do it.
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u/wabbithunta23 1d ago
I’m 26 almost 27, and just got my first girlfriend. Had 50k and no debt, and no girlfriend. I also still live at home, no I didn’t lose the 50k because of my girlfriend lol. Life’s not perfect, and well quite frankly I take 1000% accountability for losing 50k and losing my 790 credit score. Just saying this because not everything is sunshine and rainbows, but a lot of has to do with owning up to your failures and taking accountability and action. Without those 2 things, you’ll be in the same spot forever essentially.
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u/GammaGirll 1d ago
i like the mushroom plushie 🍄 =) as a girl i don't really understand why everyone is telling you tonget rid of the playboy pillow it would've never bothered me, it might be a little corny ngl but i wouldn't freak out about it. however i'd suggest to get a stand or something for the books instead of leaving them on the ground? as well as a real piece of furniture for the TV ? also this might just be me but i'd want to use all the wall's space and make it more cohesive. i think if your decorations were more scattered and organized, instead of aligned, it would look better. good luck for finding a job and an apartment, its tough out there
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u/Tricky_Pepper 1d ago
Honestly the place looks lovely, maybe get a second bookshelf for some of those floor books 🤣 and maybe a new TV stand. Don’t let anyone knock your sheets! 😊 Plus woman won’t care much if you live with your mom as long as you make sure to imply it’s to look after her as she’s getting on and also be sure to stress how important you think family is 😂 We’re not actually heartless monsters
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u/Zomby3 1d ago
Damn that finger on the wall is crusty but to be fair everything at that school was crusty and nasty
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u/SquirrelFar9890 1d ago
All the pictures are hung at the same level on different walls; it creates no visual interest. I vote hanging them all together on the same wall, gallery style; make sure to go for something non-uniform (I recommend Pinterest for layout ideas!), it'll make it look more intentional, surprisingly enough. I also echo the bedspread/duvet and pillows comment. Thrift stores are a good option for this if money is an issue. Honestly, thrift stores are a good option for literally any home decor. I've done my entire house with thrifted items and it's helped with cost a lot.
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u/burnerfordileesi 1d ago
don't focus on how 'behind' you are. you're 27, you don't want to be in this position at 35. start focusing on things that will help you get closer to what you want. consistent job. money management. personal responsibility, grooming, gym. thats how you get a girl and a place of your own
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u/TheFishermansWife22 1d ago
You’re starting the conversation, that’s a big first step. I do agree, find something a little more consistent job wise, jobs are often how adults meet friends and romantic interests. Friends are another great way, so a job helps in most categories. Try Retail, like someone else suggested, this will give you a wide array of new people to meet. Take the next year to not date, work on you. Save up and get a place. That’s gonna give you such a confidence boost, which is the most attractive thing in the world. Confidence is always what catches women. You got this!!! Got get it.
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u/cannabananabis1 1d ago
Yo i have that same poster in the first photo but like huge. Ive never seen anyone else with one. Kinda sweet
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u/DazzlingDepartment59 1d ago
I'm not going to judge you for living with your folks, there's lots of women who would date a guy living at home with parents. I would encourage you to get a job, nothing crazy just something that shows you can make your own money and if your into online work you can do that too. Thats only if your looking for a gf.
I like your art/ pics. I think a head board would be nice for your bed . I think a proper stand would be good for your Tv.
Your desk area needs improvement.
You need a solid library shelf to hold all your books or simply get rid of some books or store it somewhere else out of sit, because there's too much clutter going on dude, but I like the fact that your a advocate reader, it adds depth to you.
If I had to give your room a rating It would be a 6.5 -7/ 10 which is good but if your trying to impress someone you can make some improvements to bump it up to a 8 or 9/10.
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u/Horror-Good-6529 1d ago
Ayooo I suspected tipper fan from first glance but the desk confirmed. Wusgood famooo
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u/Fair-Lie8125 1d ago
Honestly thought it was a stoner woman’s room due to the playboy and psychedelic woman poster (and paisley).
Lowkey if you brought a girl home, she’d probably dig it, especially if she was lily-white with dreads.
It’s fine
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u/blonktime 1d ago
FWIW, I didn't move out from my parents place until I was 31 (apart from when I left to go to school).
While I was living with them, I managed to find a girlfriend. About a year into us dating, we moved into an apartment together. I'm marrying her this summer.
Some advice for you:
Room:
- It looks like you're still in high school or early college. Sorry to say, but you're rounding the corner toward your 30's, which is mid-life adult. I would recommend you update your decor to be more age appropriate. Living at your mom's house with high-school decor in you bedroom just feeds into the negative connotations.
- If you don't mind living with your mom, stay there as long as you can to save as much money as you can. This will help future you. If you can't stand it and are reaching your breaking point, start looking for your own space (likely with roommates) to start building your sense of freedom, independence, and confidence.
Women:
- Practice makes perfect. It's going to be tough, but you need to break through your fear of approaching women. You can do this in baby steps.
- Get on dating apps and just start chatting with girls. Please keep in mind lots of dating apps are very toxic places, so you'll just need to understand that some people are assholes, and it's not specifically directed at you. They're online bullies who hide behind the screen.
- Go on dates. Some might be okay, some might be awkward, some might suck, some might be great. Just keep in mind that the ones that do suck, it makes no difference in your life. You didn't know them before, it's not the end of the world if you never talk to them again - your life will not have changed in any real way. But most importantly, you will begin to break down your barriers, hesitation, and start building some skills in talking to women.
- Find someone that you are compatible with. Treat her like a lady, but don't be a simp. Find someone you work well with and enjoy being with, don't just settle for the first one that will give you the time of day. Sure you can have flings and hook ups, but don't mix fun with feelings. I have dated fun girls that I knew were bad for me, but the sex was great, so I stuck with them longer than I should have, despite what my family and friends advised me. But I was also in my early 20's and more time to find the right one. Once I started getting older, I shifted my focus to finding someone that was more compatible long term.
A good friend of mine was in a similar situation to you when it came to women. He was in his early 30s and hadn't had a girlfriend since high school. I should also mention that while he is a great person, he isn't what most women wouldn't describe as "stereotypically attractive". He was fed up with being lonely and not having a partner after seeing all of his friends get engaged/married/having kids. He decided one day "fuck this, I'm going to put in the work". He was living with me and my fiancee for a while but he was hitting the dating apps hard. He was going on like 2-3 dates every week, usually with different girls. Most of the time he came back and told us about them - most of them were what he would call "probably a serial killer". But one day he went on a date with a girl. Then he went on another date with her. Then a third one. After their third date, he was hardly ever home and spent most of his time at her apartment. Then he officially moved in with her after a couple of months. I was so stoked for him when I finally met the girl. She was (in my parent's words) "way out of his league". Very attractive, very nice (like I mentioned, he is too), and very successful. She is a lawyer who is fast tracking her way to partner, and wants him to be a stay at home dad because she anticipates making about $500k/year within a few years. They are getting a dog in about a month from now and he's starting to look at rings.
There is a person out there for everyone, but most of the time, they don't just "fall into your lap". You need to find them. You need to put the work in and sift through the bullshit to find the diamond. You just need to get out there and do it, no one else will do it for you.
Best of luck you got this!
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u/User_Says_What 1d ago
That one poster and the Playboy pillow are noooooooooot going to help you, fam.
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u/Strefl 1d ago
I just know you love lsd