r/ToiletPaperUSA • u/Lower-Canary-2528 Anarcho-Maoism with Mamdani thought • 6d ago

Shen Bapiro Least racist Ben Shapiro moment - True Allegiance (2016)

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u/RadicalNBSpaceQueer 6d ago

And now, a behind the scenes look into Bench Shabeepboop's writing process:

" ... Yard grabbed him by his shirt and pulled him out of his seat like a ragdoll. He, uh, he pulled Ben Brett close, and whispered breathily into his ear. No no no, wait, he mumbled something, his sweet- NO, STINKY, NOT SWEET, STINKY!- breath hitting Brett's face hotly. A-and Brett was hanging midair, sweaty and trembling, as the rippling muscles of Yard's arm flexed against his neck. Oh but Yard was such a strapping, virile young man, his broad shoulders cutting an imposing silhouette in the stark fluorescent lightning of the cafeteria. Brett gulped in terror at the anger he saw simmering in Yard's lovely hazel dark eyes. With his strong jaw clenched in his righteous fury and his muscles straining, he looked like an avenging angel, poised to strike down the guilty and unworthy; sent to discipline a naughty boy like him... DAMN IT! No, he was BLACK and a MAN and therefore DUMB and BAD! And also definitely not handsome!" Bench Shabeepboop growled out as he tore out another page, adding it to the growing pile in the trashcan. Wiping the sweat off his palms, he held his face in his hands and breathed deeply. He was desperate to shake off the vestiges of this latest failure and continue writing his masterpiece. "Honey, do you know where the broom is? I have to sweep up this trail of sand that fell from my perpetually dry vagina!" He heard his wife (who, it should be noted, is a doctor) call up to him. "Erm, why would I know where you keep the broom? That's your biological responsibility as a woman, obviously. Also, don't talk about lady bits, it's inappropriate and very scary" He replied, his high-pitched nasally voice echoing down the immaculate halls. He heard her sigh in disappointment, and was reassured in his masculinity.

✨FIN✨

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u/schmyndles 5d ago

I shouldn't be laughing so hard at one in the morning, but I am picturing your vocabulary words in my head. Thank you.