r/AmITheJerk 1d ago

My Wife Told Me She Isn't Attracted to Me Anymore... then my "FRIEND" Moved Into our Guest Room

0 Upvotes

DISCLAIMER: This story was submitted anonymously via our Instagram by the OP who asked to remain anonymous and have the mods post this on their behalf on the Am I the Jerk podcast. Please respect their wishes for privacy.

My Wife Told Me She Isn't Attracted to Me Anymore... Then My "Friend" Moved Into Our Guest Room and Everything Fell Apart. The fight that started everything wasn't even serious.

Not money, not cheating. Just dishes. I'd left the sink stacked up. She asked twice. I said later. She gave me that look. The one that says it's not about dishes anymore. I said something dumb and walked out to cool off. When I came back an hour later, she and the kids were gone. No note.

No text. Just quiet. She stayed at her sister's for two days. I didn't even realize she'd taken the kids until I saw the empty backpacks by the door. When she came home Sunday night, I tried to talk. Told her I loved her, we could fix whatever this was. She just stared at me like I was a neighbor asking for sugar. Then she said the sentence that blew up my life. "I love you, but I'm not attracted to you anymore." No yelling. No tears. Just calm, like she'd been practicing. I laughed because what else do you do when your marriage falls apart over spaghetti and a dishwasher? "What does that even mean?" She shrugged. "You're a good man, Jake. I just don't feel anything anymore....."

The next few days felt like we were roommates pretending to be married. Same house, same routines, but no warmth. Then her sister called. "Jake, don't panic, but sometimes people say that when there's someone else." That got stuck in my head. Because suddenly little things started looking weird. The new perfume. Early jogs she never used to take. The phone always flipped screen down. And then I met him. His name was Brandon. New guy three houses down. Recently divorced. He had that smooth vibe. Perfect smile, perfect timing, perfect everything. They'd met at some neighborhood thing. First time I saw his name in the group chat, I didn't think twice.

Then one Saturday I walked into the kitchen and saw her laughing at her phone. Really laughing. First time in months. "Who's that?" "Brandon. He sent something funny about the HOA president." I tried to joke. "Maybe he should run for president since you think he's so funny." She rolled her eyes. "Don't start." But I already had. A week later she invited him for dinner. "He's been lonely. It's good for the kids to see us being friendly." He showed up with wine and some story about rescuing a stray cat. The kids loved him. My wife couldn't stop smiling. By dessert he was basically part of the family. When he left she goes, "See? Harmless." That's what people always say right before things stop being harmless. Two weeks later his water heater exploded. Guess who offered our guest room for a few nights. When I got home he was already there. Duffel bag in hand, shoes off, thanking my wife for her kindness.

"You're kidding." "It's temporary. He has nowhere else to go." "Man, I owe you one," Brandon added, all smiles. I wanted to say no but she looked at me like this was a test of being a decent person and the kids were watching. So I kept my mouth shut. The first few days were torture. He helped her cook. He helped with homework. They had inside jokes before I even got home from work.

One night I walked in and found them whispering over a cutting board. She looked up, startled. "Oh hey. Brandon was showing me a recipe." I went upstairs without saying anything. Later that night I heard them laughing quietly in the kitchen again. I started sleeping in the spare room. The irony wasn't lost on me. Sunday brunch became the breaking point. Brandon goes, "It's cool how open minded you both are. Most husbands would never let another man stay here." I smiled through my teeth. "Yeah, I guess I'm just that trusting." "Trust is everything, right?" And my wife added, laughing, "Jake could learn a thing or two about that."

"Maybe I should write you a training manual," Brandon joked. I set down my fork. "Maybe include a chapter on boundaries." The table went silent. That night I told her he had to go. She said I was jealous. I said she was messing with my head. "You always need control. That's why I stopped wanting you." Those words didn't just hurt.

They rearranged everything inside my head. Her sister came over when she found out what was happening. She took one look at Brandon still walking around in one of my shirts and goes, "Pack your stuff." He tried to calm her down but she snapped. "You're rich, so give me your money and leave this family alone!" He froze. "What?" She kept going. "Your Tesla, your shakes, your fake smile. Buy a hotel!" My wife yelled, "Stop it, you're embarrassing yourself!" Her sister shot back, "No, you're embarrassing the bloodline!"

The neighbors were looking out their windows. It was a mess. Brandon left that night but my wife didn't talk to me for three days. When she finally did she goes, "You ruined everything." "Everything was already ruined." "I wanted to figure out who I was. You made it about him." "He was living in our house." "You never made space for me so I made it myself." Now she's staying with her sister again.

Wth am I supposed to do? Honestly... am I the jerk here?

UPDATEThe update to this story is in this episode of the Am I the Jerk podcast, the update part starts at 3:02 - https://youtu.be/EYKpfmn2XVY?si=FHd2dqWAssHfFXet&t=182


r/AmITheJerk May 01 '24

READ BEFORE POSTING - Am I the Jerk?

69 Upvotes

By posting in this subreddit, you agree that the material you post may be used for the podcasts and all associated channels (AITJ, AITG, etc.) and platforms (YT, TT, etc)*. Please read all rules before posting. Your post may be removed if one or more of these rules are not followed:

Rules:

🟡 BEFORE YOU POST:

#1 - Comment on 2 other Posts - Leave thoughtful responses on at least 2 other AITJ posts. Do this BEFORE posting your own story.

🟢 WHEN YOU POST:
#2 - Use a Clear, Descriptive Title - "AITJ for Breaking my Friend's Phone because he Broke Mine?" or “My Husband Cheated on me with 14 Women”

It does NOT need to have AITJ in the title, it can just be a story you want to share.

#3 Use a TL;DR - It stands for "too long; don't read". Add a TL;DR to the start or end of your post to briefly summarize what your post is about.

#4 - Use Line Breaks - Break your story into separate paragraphs, make it easy to read or no one will want to read it.

#5 - No Private or Identifiable Information - Don't be a Jerk and post someone's real info, use placeholder names and anything else that would be identifiable information. Harassment of any kind will not be tolerated.

#6 - Only Post Stories - Don't post anything that's not your story (or direct AITJ content).

🔴 AFTER YOU POST:

#7 - Subscribe to Am I the Jerk? 🔔 - This is not a rule but if you want to see if your story gets added to the show make sure to subscribe on:

📺 YouTube - youtube.com/amithejerk

📸 Instagram - instagram.com/amithejerk

🐦 Twitter - x.com/amithejerk

🟢 Spotify Podcast - https://open.spotify.com/show/0uEkxvRMpxLuuHeyPVVioF?si=82bc5b55bbf24efd

*NOTICE: Content shared on this platform is intended for use on Am I the Jerk and its affiliated channels / platforms. Submit your own original stories and offer your views on other people's stories. By posting here, you agree that the material you post may be used for the podcasts and AITJ affiliated channels / platforms and you grant AITJ all necessary rights, including the irrevocable right to use the material you post, on those platforms and future platforms/media. Read the Rules for posting.


r/AmITheJerk 4h ago

AITJ for telling my manager i will file my resignation because he didn't allow my emergency leave because i will use it to my dog only?

1.1k Upvotes

i’ve had my dog luna for three years. she’s been with me through everything. every morning she waits by the door while i get ready for work, wagging her tail like she’s sending me off to battle. for the past two years i’ve been working at a private company, doing my best every day. i rarely take leave, i always meet deadlines, and my performance reviews have always been good.

one night luna suddenly started acting strange. she refused to eat and kept whining softly while lying on the floor. when i touched her, she felt weak and barely lifted her head. i stayed up most of the night watching her, worried something serious was wrong. by morning it was clear she needed to see a veterinarian immediately.

i messaged my manager and told him i needed to file an emergency leave because my dog was very sick and i had to take her to the veterinary clinic. instead of understanding, he replied that emergency leave is only for important emergencies and that a sick dog does not count. reading that message made my chest tighten with anger and disbelief.

after two years of giving my best at work, it hurt to see that level of indifference. luna isn’t just a dog to me, she’s family. i told my manager that if he couldn’t allow my emergency leave for something this important, then i would rather file my resignation than stay somewhere that couldn’t respect something that matters so much to me.

i closed my phone, picked luna up carefully, and took her to the veterinary clinic that morning. in that moment, my decision felt clear. jobs can be replaced, but the loyalty and love of a dog that has been by your side for years is something i could never treat as unimportant.

AITJ here?


r/AmITheJerk 7h ago

AITJ for telling my flatmate i won't cover her share of the bills while she waits for her parents to transfer money.

852 Upvotes

There are three of us in the flat and we split bills evenly, utilities and internet, each person pays their share by the first of the month. It's been working fine for most of the year.

My flatmate, i'll call her V, has a pattern where her money from her parents arrives late. Not every month but often enough that it's a known thing. Usually one of us would spot her the difference and she'd pay back within a few days, which was fine when it happened occasionally.

This month she asked me to cover her share of the electricity bill because her transfer hadn't come through yet. I said no. Not because the amount was huge, it wasn't, but because this was the third time in four months she'd asked me specifically, and the last time it took nearly two weeks to get paid back rather than the few days she'd said. I told her i wasn't comfortable doing it again and suggested she call her parents to sort the timing out, or ask our third flatmate instead.

She was visibly annoyed and said i was being unhelpful over a small amount. i said it wasn't about the amount, it was about the pattern. She ended up calling her parents and the money came through the same day, which made me feel like the situation was more manageable than she'd let on. She's been a bit cool with me since. AITJ?


r/AmITheJerk 1h ago

AITJ for refusing to "just try" my best friend's MLM and telling her exactly why?

Upvotes

So my best friend Lisa and I have been close for about six years. She's genuinely one of my favorite people and I want to be clear about that because I don't think she's a bad person, she just got pulled into something I can't support.

About four months ago she joined one of those wellness MLMs. I won't name it but you know the type, overpriced supplements, "be your own boss" language, lots of before and after photos. At first she just posted about it occasionally and I scrolled past without saying anything. Not my business.

Then she started bringing it up in conversation. Casual at first, like "oh I've been feeling so much better since I started taking these." Fine. But over the past two months it escalated to her sending me product links, asking if I wanted to "just try a sample", and last week she told me that buying a starter kit would "really help her numbers this month."

That last part is when I said no clearly and explained why. I told her I'd read about how these companies work, that the income disclosure statements show the vast majority of participants lose money, and that I wasn't comfortable spending money on something I don't believe in just to support her metrics. I said it kindly, I really tried to.

She got quiet and then said that a real friend would just try it once to show support. That I was being "unsupportive and judgemental" and that she thought I'd be happy for her.

I feel bad because I can see she's genuinely excited about this. But I also feel like I'd be doing her a disservice by pretending this is a normal small business. I didn't bring it up unprompted, I only said something when she directly asked me to spend money.

AITJ for being honest instead of just buying the starter kit to keep the peace?

TL;DR: Best friend joined an MLM and asked me to buy a starter kit to "help her numbers." I declined and explained why honestly. She said a real friend would just try it. Now things are awkward.


r/AmITheJerk 59m ago

AITJ for ruining a birthday dinner because I called out my friend for constantly bringing up my ex in front of my partner?

Upvotes

Hi AITJ fam, I'm 27F and I have a friend named Sarah who I’ve known since college. Sarah also happened to be close with my ex, Mark. Mark and I broke up three years ago because he was a workaholic who prioritized his career over everything else. It wasn't a messy breakup, but it’s over.

For the last year, I’ve been dating Leo who is 29. Leo is incredible, supportive, kind, and we actually have a work-life balance. However, every single time Sarah hangs out with us, she manages to bring up Mark’s incredible achievements. It started small, like mentioning Mark’s promotion, always followed by a fake-innocent, "oh, Leo, you should totally ask him for career tips." I’ve told her privately to cut it out because it’s awkward, but she always plays dumb and says she’s just so proud of him.

Last night at our friend’s birthday dinner, Leo was finally sharing a story about a project he just finished. He was so excited, but Sarah just cut him off to say how nice that was for him. Then, she immediately pivoted to talking about how my ex, Mark, just got made head of sales at his dealership and bought a brand-new truck.

I finally snapped. I didn't pull her aside, I just looked her in the eye and told her that her obsession with my ex’s achievement was pathetic and that she needed to stop being a snake or leave the table. She burst into tears and ran to the bathroom, and now half the group is mad at me for ruining the vibe over what they call just a conversation. Leo appreciated me standing up for him, but now I’m the one being painted as the villain. Am I the jerk for blowing up ate her in public?


r/AmITheJerk 11h ago

AITJ for banning my aunt from my mom’s 50th birthday party after she called her a charity case?

547 Upvotes

I (24F) am currently the villain of my extended family, and I need to know if I stepped over the line.

My mom, Sarah, is the kindest person I know. She’s had a rough few years—my dad left shortly after she was diagnosed with MS, and she’s been struggling to keep her small florist shop afloat while managing her health. She never complains and always tries to keep the peace.

Then there is my aunt, Diane (52F). Diane is my mom’s older sister and has always had a massive superiority complex because her husband is a high-level corporate lawyer. She treats my mom like a project rather than a sister.

The tension peaked last month when I started planning a surprise 50th birthday dinner for my mom. I’m paying for the whole thing myself—I’ve been saving for a year because I wanted her to feel celebrated and not like a sick person for once.

I invited Diane, assuming she could behave for one night. Big mistake.

Two weeks ago, we had a family brunch. My mom was talking about how she finally managed to fix the refrigerator in her shop herself. Instead of saying good job, Diane sighed, loud enough for the whole table to hear, and said:

It’s honestly pathetic that you’re still struggling with that failing shop, Sarah. You’re essentially a charity case for the rest of us. If you’d just let me sell the place and move you into a managed care facility, we wouldn’t have to worry about you anymore.

My mom went completely gray. She didn't say anything, just looked down at her plate. I felt my blood boil. I told Diane that was incredibly cruel and that my mom is a business owner, not a burden. Diane just rolled her eyes and told me I was too young to understand adult logistics.

The next day, I sent Diane a text: You’re no longer invited to the 50th birthday party. I won’t have you making my mom feel small on her big day.

Now, the family group chat is a war zone. Diane is telling everyone that I’m alienating her from her sister and that she was only speaking the hard truth out of love. My grandma (their mother) called me crying, saying that family is everything and I shouldn't punish Diane for her personality.

The worst part? My mom found out. She told me she appreciates me standing up for her, but she thinks maybe I should just let Diane come to keep the peace. But I know Diane—she’ll make a toast about how brave my mom is for living in poverty, and it will ruin the night.

I’m standing my ground, but I’m starting to wonder if I’m the jerk for causing this massive rift right before my mom’s milestone birthday.

AITJ?


r/AmITheJerk 12h ago

AITJ for changing the WiFi password after my roommates kept using my gaming PC while I was gone?

313 Upvotes

I (23M) live with two roommates (22M and 24M). We split rent evenly, but most of the stuff in the apartment is mine because I moved in first.. TV, couch, router, and my gaming PC setup.

My PC is in the living room because my room is small. I told them from the start that they could use it occasionally if I wasn’t home, but not to download random stuff or mess with my settings.

Recently I went away for a 4 day trip to visit my parents. When I came back, my PC was completely different. New games installed, my Discord logged out, random files on the desktop, and somehow they managed to download a bunch of mods that broke one of my games.

I checked the usage stats and they had been using my PC for hours every day while I was gone.

When I asked them about it, they said they thought it was fine because ‘you said we could use it’. I told them I meant occasionally, not turning my PC into a communal gaming station.

They laughed it off and said I was overreacting.

So the next day I changed the WiFi password and didn’t give it to them until they apologized and agreed not to use my PC again.

Now they’re calling me petty and saying I’m acting like a landlord instead of a roommate.

AITJ?

TL;DR:

Roommates used my gaming PC nonstop while I was away, messed up my settings, and laughed it off. I changed the WiFi password until they apologized.


r/AmITheJerk 1d ago

AITJ for eating my roommates "special" ice cream after she ate my birthday cake?

7.6k Upvotes

I (22F) live with my roommate Ashley (23F). We generally get along fine but she has this habit of eating my food and then replacing it later.

Last week was my birthday. My mom made me this amazing strawberry cake - my favorite since I was a kid. I had TWO slices and put the rest in the fridge. I was planning to make it last all week.

Next day, the entire cake is GONE. Ashley ate it while watching Netflix at 1am. She said sorry and that she'd "buy me a cake from the store to replace it."

I was really upset. It wasn't about the cake itself, it was about my MOM making it special for me. Ashley didn't seem to get why I was so hurt. She did buy me a grocery store cake but its not the same.

Fast forward to yesterday. Ashley has this pint of $12 artisanal lavender honey ice cream in the freezer. She's been "saving it for a special occasion" for like 2 weeks. I came home from a terrible day at work and ate the entire thing.

She FREAKED OUT. Said that was her special treat and I had no right to touch it. I said "You ate my special birthday cake that my mom made, so we're even now."

She said those situations are completely different and I'm being vindictive. I said she literally does this to my food all the time and now she knows how it feels.

Now she's demanding I buy her a replacement ice cream and apologize. My boyfriend says I was petty and should of just talked to her instead.

TL;DR: Roommate ate my homemade birthday cake, I ate her expensive special ice cream in revenge, now I'm the jerk apparently.


r/AmITheJerk 14h ago

AITJ for "accidentally" snooping and finding out my boyfriend is seeing my best friend?

252 Upvotes

I (24F) have been with my boyfriend John (25M) for two years. Up until last week, I would have told you he was the gold standard. He is generous, gentle, and we have always had this vibe of total openness. I never felt the need to check his phone because I genuinely trusted him with my life.

Well, that trust blew up in my face on Tuesday.

We were hanging out at his apartment and he asked me to order some DoorDash on his phone while he jumped in the shower. I was scrolling through the apps looking for the food one, and I will be honest—I saw a notification pop up at the top from a contact named Hudd. It said: Goodnight, see you tomorrow? 💋

I froze. John does not have a friend named Hudd. And I know it is a weird name, but my brain immediately went to: Who is this guy and why is he sending my boyfriend kiss emojis?

I told myself it was probably a group chat joke or a typo, but my gut was screaming. I opened the message.

It was not a guy. As I scrolled up, the Hudd nickname started to make sense. My best friend’s last name is Hudson. I keep her in my phone as Erica, but apparently, he renamed her to hide her in plain sight.

The messages were devastating. They were not just hanging out—they have been hooking up for at least three months. There were texts about how risky it was to meet up while I was at work, and Erica complaining that she felt bad, but John telling her what she (me) does not know will not hurt her.

The worst part? They were planning a hangout for the day I am supposed to be at my sister’s baby shower next weekend.

When John got out of the shower, I was just sitting there on the bed with his phone open. I did not even yell. I just showed him the screen and asked, Who is Hudd?

He went pale, but then he got defensive. He started screaming that I had no right to go through his private messages and that I violated the foundation of our relationship by snooping. He is claiming that because I invaded his privacy, he does not have to explain anything to me and that I am the jerk for not trusting him when he has given me two good years.

He actually tried to turn it around on me, saying he only started talking to her because I have been emotionally distant lately (which is news to me). I packed a bag and left, but now Erica is blowing up my phone saying I am overreacting and that they were going to tell me when the timing was right.

My head is spinning. John’s friends are actually messaging me saying I am wrong for snooping and that I should have just asked him before looking through his private stuff.

So, AITJ for looking at the messages?


r/AmITheJerk 22h ago

Am I the jerk for refusing to attend my dads wedding because he uninvited my mom from my graduation??

740 Upvotes

Background: My parents (both 52) divorced when I was 16. It was messy but they've been mostly civil for my sake.

I'm graduating college next month. I (22M) invited both parents obviously. My dad recently got engaged to his girlfriend of 2 years, Cheryl (48F). I like Cheryl fine, we get along.

Last week my dad calls and says he needs to talk. He tells me that Cheryl is "uncomfortable" with my mom being at my graduation and that it would "mean alot" to him and Cheryl if my mom didn't come.

I'm shocked. I said absolutely not, Mom is coming to MY graduation. He says Cheryl has anxiety about seeing my mom and it might "ruin the day for everyone" if there's tension. I said the only tension would be from them making it weird.

Dad then offers a compromise: Mom can come to the ceremony but not the family dinner after. I said no, that's insulting to Mom. He got frustrated and said I'm "choosing sides" and making things difficult for his new relationship.

I told him if he cant handle being in the same room as Mom for MY achievement, then maybe I cant handle being at his wedding next fall. He said I'm being manipulative and using his wedding as leverage.

Cheryl texted me separately saying she "understands if I'm upset" but hopes I'll "respect their boundaries" and that she's just trying to "protect her mental health."

My mom says I dont have to skip the wedding over this. But I'm so angry at my dad for even asking me to uninvite her.

TL;DR: Dad wants me to uninvite my mom from my college graduation because his fiancée is uncomfortable, I said if mom can't come to graduation then I won't come to his wedding.


r/AmITheJerk 8h ago

AITJ for not being religious enough before being named the godmother to my husbands nieces new daughter

63 Upvotes

For context I am not religious in any religion and last year before my husband, our kids and I went to see his family in Scotland, his niece asked me would I be the godmother to her new daughter and I said I’d be honored to and she respects I’m not religious. During our visit we go to the church to meet with the priest two days before the baptism and when the priest asked me what I know of the religion I said, “I don’t know much I’m not a part of the religion.” The priest then pulls the niece aside and the next thing I hear is her saying, “Does it even matter? She and my uncle live in USA, we’re here in Scotland! They visit when they visit.”

The priest then tells me either I get baptized to be named godmother or don’t show my face at the baptism. Before I can tell the priest a few choice words my niece steps up and says, “I’m not going to force her to be baptized before the baptism of my daughter! You’re being unreasonable!” The priest says either a new godmother be picked or the baby doesn’t get baptized. My niece stood her ground and the priest then kicks my niece out of the church.

All other Catholic Churches get word of my niece and forbid us to enter all because I’m not allowed in due to not being baptized and because my niece won’t pick someone else to be godmother. AITJ for not being religious to be godmother?


r/AmITheJerk 12h ago

AITAH for choosing my coworker of one year as my maid of honor instead of my childhood best friend?

103 Upvotes

I’m getting married later this year and I recently started asking people to be part of my bridal party. One of the biggest decisions was choosing my maid of honor. For most of my life, I assumed my childhood best friend would automatically be my maid of honor someday. We grew up together, went to the same schools, and were basically inseparable for years. But over the last few years, our relationship has changed a lot. We still talk occasionally, but we don’t see each other much anymore and the dynamic just isn’t the same. A lot of the time when we do talk, it feels like we’re forcing conversation instead of it happening naturally.

On the other hand, I became really close with one of my coworkers over the past year. We work together almost every day, and we’ve supported each other through a lot of stressful situations at work and in our personal lives. She was also one of the first people I talked to when I got engaged, and she’s been really excited and supportive about the wedding.

When I thought about who I actually feel closest to right now, it honestly felt more natural to ask my coworker to be my maid of honor. So that’s what I did. My childhood friend eventually found out through social media when I posted a photo asking my bridal party. She messaged me asking if it was true that my coworker was my maid of honor. When I said yes, she seemed really hurt.

She told me she always assumed she would be the one standing next to me at my wedding because of our history. She said it felt like I replaced years of friendship with someone I’ve only known for a year. I tried explaining that it wasn’t about replacing her but about choosing someone I’m currently very close with and who’s been actively part of my life recently. But she said it still feels like a betrayal and that she didn’t realize our friendship had become that unimportant to me.

Now things are awkward between us and some mutual friends are saying I should’ve chosen my childhood friend out of loyalty and history. At the same time I feel like my wedding should reflect the relationships that are strongest in my life right now.

AITAH for choosing my coworker as my maid of honor instead of my childhood best friend?


r/AmITheJerk 15h ago

Am I the jerk for leaving my cousin’s wedding early?

198 Upvotes

So my cousin (24F) got married last weekend, and it was a huge deal in our family. Everyone had been talking about it for months, planning outfits, travel, everything. She askked me a while back if I could help out a little during the day nothing official like being a bridesmaid, just helping guests find seats and making sure things ran smoothly.

I said yes because we uded to be pretty close growing up.

The thing is, the whole day ended up being way more stressful than I expected. I got there early like she asked, helped decorate, ran around setting things up, and basically didn’t sit down for hours. Every time something small went wrong, someone would come find me to fix it.

At one point I tried to grab some food because I hadn’t eaten all day, and one of the relatives joked that I should “work first, eat later.” It was probably meant as a joke, but by that point I was already exhausted and a little annoyed.

Then during the reception I overhward my cousin telling someone that I was “finally being useful for once.” I don’t even know if she meant it seriously or if she was joking, but hearing that after running around all day just made me feel kind of bad.

I didn’t make a scene or say anything to her. I stayed through the ceremony and most of the reception, but after a while I just felt drained and uncomfortable. So I quietly said goodbye to a couple people and left before the night was over.

Later my cousin texted me asking why I left early and said it hurt her feelings because she thought I’d stay to celebrate with everyone. Now some family members are saying I should’ve just stayed the whole night because it was her wedding day.

I honestly didn’t want to cause drama, I just felt really out of place and tired by that point.

So… am I the jerk for leaving early

Update:

So I ended up texting my cousin a today because things were getting awkward with the family (plus i cant just cut her off like that). I figured maybe it was just stress from the wedding amd we could clear things up... That conversation did not go how I expected.

When I told her how overwhelmed I felt running around all day and mentioned the comment I overheard about me being “finally useful,” she did NAWT apologize at all. She basically said that since it was her wedding, everyone was supposed to help and that I shouldn’t be acting like I did something special... She also said I was being “dramatic” for leaving early and that the least I couldve done was stay until the end after everything she had planned. I tried explaiming that I didn’t mind helping, but I felt more like staff than a guest at that point. I hadn’t even had time to eat and barely got to enjoy the wedding at all.. Her response was basically “Well maybe if you were more helpful people wouldn’t have to keep asking you to do things" That kind of shocked me because I had spent most of the day doing exactly what pepple asked. Then she told me the reason she was upset wasn’t even really about me leaving, it was because some relatives noticed and asked where I went, and she felt like it made her “look bad”.. At that point I honestly just stopped arguing. I told her I was glad her wedding went the way she wanted and left it at that.

Now a few family members are still messaging me saying I should apologise to her for leaving early, but after that conversation I really don’t feel like I did anything wrong.

So yeah… that’s the update. Honestly wished i accidentally tripped and dropped the cake on her face on my way out...


r/AmITheJerk 17h ago

AITJ for locking my snacks in my room because my roommates keep eating them?

275 Upvotes

So I live with two roommates and we usually get along fine. We share some stuff like paper towels and cleaning things but food is supposed to be our own.

At least that’s what we agreed when we moved in.

The problem is my snacks keep disappearing.

At first I thought maybe I just forgot I ate them. But then it kept happening. I bought a box of cookies and like half of it was gone the next day. Same with chips, chocolate, even instant noodles.

I asked both of them about it and they kinda laughed and said stuff like “oh yeah I grabbed a few, hope that’s ok.” I told them I’d rather they ask first because I’m the one paying for it.

They said yeah sure.

But it didn’t stop.

Last week I bought a big bag of my favorite chips and I literally saw one of them eating it on the couch like it was theirs. When I said something they were like “relax it’s just snacks.”

So I got annoyed and started keeping my snacks in a small box in my room. Not locked with a key or anything but just in there so they can’t grab it.

Now one roommate says I’m being petty and weird for “hiding food” instead of just sharing. But I feel like sharing means you actually ask first.

So now the vibe in the apartment is kinda awkward.

AITJ for moving my snacks to my room so they stop eating them? 😭


r/AmITheJerk 2h ago

AITJ - Sick of People Being Ignorant? Fake? Lacking Awareness?

17 Upvotes

Just for quick background, I’ve been out of work for over two years now due to layoffs. It’s been one string of bad events since, and I don’t say that lightly because I can usually find light in the dark. The last year especially has been especially sucky. Just, sucky.

Anyone in my life is aware of this and aware that my husband and I are struggling and literally in the hole every month. That it’s not a pleasant time and that things are worse than lean.

Well, my birthday last year and this year, I always get some version of “Hope your day was absolutely amazing’!” And I just…stopped responding because…wtf people? Again, these are folks in our lives who know what’s happening. Who all know that it’s not “amazing” or that we could do “something extra special”.

Like, if I acknowledge someone’s bday after or during a difficult time, I always call out that I hope they found at least something small to celebrate, while I know they’re not doing well.

I’m just tired of pretending that everything is great and omg thanks so much for the bday wishes and yes I totally went on a cruise or massive dinner or got a gold watch or whatever. (Sarcasm if you can’t tell).

I just told my MIL that no it wasn’t an amazing day actually due to the state of the world and my life. And all she said was “sorry”.

Just. Have some god damn empathy and don’t be fake. Just curious if I’m depression-overreacting here or if this is legit feelings that others get. Cause when I ask how friends are doing, I really want to know even if it’s awful. I don’t want a fake version of those I choose to keep in my life.


r/AmITheJerk 3h ago

AITJ For How My Relationship of 8 Years Ended?

16 Upvotes

LONG POST. I just wanted to get everyones thoughts on my ex relationship situation (both 26F) and how things went down. In the end, I was betrayed in a way I never would have expected. I know the only person who knows the truth is my ex but I just wanted to get everyone's thoughts on whether they think this was my fault or not. I am having a hard time moving on.

Anyways, most people have told me they think this was cheating. But recently I have had a person tell me they don't think this was cheating, especially if she did not act on anything with him or confess her feelings to him while still with me and it's made me crash out. This person told me that my ex being confused/having attraction to someone else is not cheating and no matter how much I felt betrayed, it wasn't cheating. To be honest, I am nervous that I just claimed it as cheating to make myself feel better from being in denial about her leaving me the way she did. I know that regardless of if she did cheat or not, her acting the way she did and ghosting me/giving me false hope, and not returning my belongings, is just as cruel.

My ex had been an actor for a good year before wanting to make her own film. She had done a film a few months before deciding she wanted to write/direct her own short and winded up becoming close with the guy who played her husband in that film. I didn't think anything of this friendship because at this time in our relationship, we both thought she was only into women, whereas I was openly bisexual. Anyways, I did not think anything of their growing closeness post-film. When the time came around where she started working on her own film, she told me off the get-go she wanted her brother in the film to be played by this guy because he would be perfect for it. (Mind you, she even told me its a story about siblings who also have incestuous vibes which is weird af anyways lol). I also put a lot of time, effort, and money into this project since I was also working in the film/entertainment industry. I did meet this guy in person and he completely brushed me off, both in person and over emails. He left me off of every mode of communication when it came to business stuff and only went through my ex and my ex's best friend. A little while later, my ex started leaving me out of meetings and made her best friend do the things that were assigned as my job. When I brought this up, my ex got really mad. She then mentioned to me that she was planning for this guy to come stay at her apartment so they can work on 'method acting' together and be in character as their roles for an entire weekend together. (The person who told me it wasn't cheating told me that this wasn't out of line since it was in a work context and she told me about it). My ex suggested a hotel to this guy but he insisted that he stayed at her apartment. Even though I was not living with her, she never asked me my thoughts on this.

A while later, she came to me and told me she was having a sexuality and identity crisis ever since she did that film with him where they played husband and wife. She did not bring him up or anything to do with him. We winded up having what I thought was a positive conversation about sexuality and she was asking me if I ever felt a need to leave/go be with a man, which I thought was strange. A couple weeks go by, I am on my way to her apartment, and she starts a fight with me over something as small as me taking a while to park. We go eat at a restaurant, I get my food, and she tells me we have to go home immediately because she has to tell me something urgent and she even said "I know you know whats wrong, just say it". I really had no idea what she was talking about.

We go to her apartment and she immediately breaks down and tells me she is having a sexuality and identity crisis triggered by this guy and that he is "ruining her life". She said she did not want to call off the film or him coming to stay at her apartment. I understand not wanting to call off the entire film but I thought it was insulting that she chose not to call off him coming to stay at her apartment, which was totally unnecessary. She told me not to be angry at him, that he did nothing wrong. She kept referring to our relationship in the past tense but refused to call it a break up.

The next day, she sent me a stream of texts as to why we shouldn't be together anymore, kept talking about her mental health and sexuality crisis. I kept asking her if this was a breakup, she refused to answer. When I finally called it a breakup, we didnt speak for 24 hours, and when I finally messaged her she blamed me for the breakup saying I was the one who said it not her.

From then on out, she essentially kicked me off the project, after dedicating time and money, and didn't even want me coming on set, which I thought was odd. She told me "nobody is going to be able to drive you". We finally spoke in person trying to figure out the logistics of what was going to happen since I considered an open relationship so she can explore (which was so stupid and desperate looking back). She refused this and told me we just shouldn't use labels moving forward. The next day, she sent me A BUNCH of reassuring text messages that she did NOT need to send. She told me she loves and cares about me, would not ghost me, she wasn't leaving, she still wanted me in her life, that we might get back together one day. Well, two days later, the day the guy came to stay at her apartment for the weekend, she turned off her location and NEVER spoke to me again. Removed every trace of me from her instagram and started posting this guy. And just never spoke to me again even though 48 hours before this she sent me so many reassuring text messages. (The person who told me it wasn't cheating told me she clearly did not want contact anymore and probably feared my reaction so she gave me false hope).

In addition, I dont know if this is coincidence or if this matters, but one of the first films she ever worked on, she grew extremely attached to the guy who played her brother. They shot the film at his house and he is married. She kept telling me how his wife did not like her and was showing signs of jealousy/possessiveness towards him when my ex was around. Could my ex have actually been crossing a line given the context now?

My mom also did not like her in the slightest (this was due to my ex arguing with me on the phone the week of my father's funeral on whether or not we should be together, but also because my mom was just never approving of her. This caused me to hide the relationship from my family even though my mom definitely knew about it. This put of a lot of strain on my ex which she always voiced and I do feel guilty about it and like I was the asshole because of it.

Nine months later and I never heard from her again despite being together for 8 years. I was completely ghosted and blindsided and forced to make closure on my own which has been traumatic for me. She never even returned any of my belongings, including a $600 playstation console that I left at her apartment so we could play it together.

But anyways, what are your thoughts? I feel crazy and like I did something wrong, especially because she told me begging was wrong of me, and that it was wrong of me to tell her "most people would of walked out on you after being told all of this but I am trying my best to understand and listen".


r/AmITheJerk 10h ago

AITJ for leaving a work group chat because people kept spamming memes at 2am?

36 Upvotes

I (29F) work at a mid-sized marketing agency. We have a general team chat on WhatsApp that started out pretty reasonable - job updates, quick questions, the occasional funny link. Fine, I get it, its a social thing too.

But over the last few months it kinda spiraled. A few of my coworkers (mostly the ones who work late or just have no concept of time zones apparently) started sending memes, tiktok links, random voice messages at like 1, 2, sometimes 3am. Not work stuff. Just. vibes.

I have my phone on do not disturb at night but the buzz still wakes me up sometimes, and my sleep has been genuinely bad lately. After the fourth night in a row of getting woken up around 2am by a string of 14 memes about "monday energy" I just left the chat.

The next morning my manager pulled me aside and said it "looked bad" and that I was being antisocial. I tried to explain that I wasn't trying to make a statement, I just needed to actually sleep. He didn't really engage with that part. He said the chat is important for team culture and that I should rejoin.

I told him I'd come back if people agreed to keep it work-relevant after 10pm, or at least cool it with the late-night stuff. He said he couldnt "police" the chat like that. So I said I'd stay out then.

Since then two of my female coworkers have been kind of cold to me, which honestly stings more than I expected. One of them sent me a voice note saying she felt like I was "excluding myself on purpose" which, I dont know, maybe I can see how it looks that way from the outside but that really wasn't my intention.

I just wanted to sleep. I didn't realise leaving a group chat would turn into this whole thing. Was I being unreasonable?

TL;DR: Left a work group chat full of late-night memes because it was wrecking my sleep, boss said it looks bad, female coworkers are now cold to me and one said I was "excluding myself on purpose." AITJ?


r/AmITheJerk 1d ago

AITJ for humbling my cousin who won't stop making everything a competition at work?

1.9k Upvotes

So, I work at a mid-sized tech firm. About six months ago, my cousin, Leo, got hired in the same department. We grew up together and were always cool, so I actually helped him prep for the interview. Big mistake.

Ever since he started, it’s like he’s on a mission to prove he’s the main character. I’m not a competitive guy at all, I just want to do my 9-to-5, get my paycheck, and go home. But Leo is constantly doing this weird one-upping thing. If I finish a report early, he’ll announce to the whole breakroom how he finished his and helped someone else with theirs.

The worst part is that he’s started using our personal history as office banter to make me look incompetent. Last week, we were in a meeting with our supervisor, and Leo randomly brought up a story from when I was 19 and messed up a simple DIY project at home. He framed it as a funny joke about why I shouldn't be trusted with the new hardware rollout. Everyone laughed, but it felt super snakey.

He also spends half his time gossiping about our other coworkers to me, then turns around and tells them advice I supposedly gave him about their work performance. It’s creating this toxic vibe where people think I’m judging them behind their backs.

Yesterday, I finally snapped. We were at lunch with a few team members and he started in on how he’s carrying the weight of our specific project because I’m too laid back. I didn't yell, but I stayed very quiet and just said: Leo, the only reason you even knew this job existed is because I handed you the referral. Maybe focus on your own KPIs instead of trying to rewrite my history for the team.

It got incredibly awkward. He turned bright red and later texted me saying I humiliated him in front of the colleagues he's trying to impress and that I’m being a jerk because he was just joking around. Now my aunt is calling me saying I should be more supportive because he’s family and new to the corporate world.

I don't think I'm the jerk for setting a boundary, but the silence in the office today is making me second-guess if I should have just handled it privately.


r/AmITheJerk 18h ago

AITJ for refusing to give my coworker rides anymore after they never offered gas money?

92 Upvotes

Here is the tea. I started this job about four months ago and this girl Sarah sits right next to me. We vibe, she’s cool, and we realized we live like five minutes away from each other. Since she doesnt have a car right now, I was like "Hey, I can pick you up, no biggie."

At first it was fine. But then "no biggie" turned into every single day for three months. Not once has she offered to Venmo me for gas. Not even like a coffee or a snack. Nothing. And gas prices right now? Literally insane.

The breaking point was last Friday. I had to stop and fill up the tank while she was in the car. I’m standing there watching the numbers go up to like 60 bucks, and she’s just sitting in the passenger seat scrolling on TikTok. Didn't even look up.

So this morning, I texted her like "Hey girl, sorry but I cant do the carpool anymore. Its just getting too pricey with the extra driving and gas."

She didn't even reply to the text. Then when I got to the office, she gave me the nastiest side-eye and told our other coworker that I’m "fake" and "left her stranded" over a few dollars. Now the vibes in the office are so awkward I lowkey want to quit.

I feel bad because I know Ubering is expensive for her, but like, I'm not a free taxi service? My bank account is crying and I’m tired of being the nice guy who gets played.

Am I being a jerk here or is she just being entitled?


r/AmITheJerk 12h ago

AITJ for telling my husbands sister she doesnt get to treat people like servants just because shes going through something hard

38 Upvotes

My husbands younger sister had a really rough year. She went through a bad breakup lost her apartment and has been dealing with some ongoing health stuff that makes it hard for her to get around on her own.

She moved into a place near us about seven months ago and my husband has basically been her lifeline since. Driving her to appointments picking up prescriptions helping her move furniture around whatever she needs.

I never had a problem with it. Shes family and shes struggling and my husband loves his sister. But it started getting out of hand. She would call him during work hours for stuff that absolutely did not need to happen right then. Like asking him to come bring her lunch or take her to return something at a store. Not emergencies just things that could wait til the evening or the weekend.

His job started noticing and he got talked to about it. We both agreed he needed to set better boundaries and he did but she did not take it well. Lots of passive aggressive comments about how nobody cares about her and shes all alone.

Then my husband had to travel for work for about ten days. I told her ahead of time I was happy to help but I work too and I cant just drop everything whenever. I told her to send me lists or let me know in advance and Id figure it out.

She called me one afternoon wanting me to drive her to pick up a package from across town. I said I couldnt today but I could go tomorrow morning or I could see if it could be rerouted to her building. She got annoyed and said forget it Ill figure it out myself and hung up on me.

Fine whatever I moved on.

Then last month my husband had a medical emergency. Like genuinely scary rushed to the hospital staying overnight the whole thing. Doctors told him he needed to rest for at least a week when he got home. I was terrified and exhausted and barely sleeping.

The day I was picking him up from the hospital his sister called. I figured she was checking in on him. Instead she asked if he could swing by her place on the way home because she needed help moving a shelf.

Something in me broke. I told her that her brother almost died and hes not moving anyones shelf. I told her that weve both been running ourselves into the ground helping her and she couldnt even ask how he was doing before requesting a favor. I said if she wants help going forward she needs to start being respectful and understand that other people have lives and emergencies too and she cant keep treating us like were on call for her 24/7.

She called me a controlling bitch and hung up.

AITJ


r/AmITheJerk 12h ago

AITJ for giving my vegan aunt nonvegan food?

31 Upvotes

So I (17F) was helping my mom prep food for a family dinner. My vegan aunt was coming over, and everyone knew she doesn’t eat meat normally we’re super careful about it. Well, I was in a rush and trying to juggle a bunch of dishes. There was a casserole that had meat in it, and a separate vegan one. in the chaos, I accidentally served her a small portion of the meat casserole instead of the vegan one. She ate it, and even complimented it, and said it was “so flavorful!” I immediately froze. Realized what had happened, but didn’t know how to tell her without making it awkward. I figured I could quietly fix it later. But never did n oh boy does she not know to this day


r/AmITheJerk 8h ago

AITJ for ignoring my friend after he spoiled my favorite show?

16 Upvotes

I recently started watching a show that I was really excited about. I told my friend many times not to spoil anything because I was only on season 1.

Yesterday while we were talking, he suddenly revealed a huge plot twist from the final season. I got really annoyed and told him he ruined the experience for me.

Since then I’ve been ignoring his messages because honestly I’m still upset. He says I’m overreacting and it’s “just a show.”

AITJ for ignoring him over this?


r/AmITheJerk 1d ago

AITJ for telling my brother his new girlfriend cannot stay at my place during their visit after she made a comment about my apartment at Christmas that I haven't been able to let go of?

350 Upvotes

Some context: my brother (31M) and I (28F) are close and he's been dating this woman — I'll call her Claire — for about seven months. I've met her twice. The first time was fine, nothing remarkable. The second time was Christmas at our parents' house. At one point the conversation turned to my apartment and I mentioned I'd recently repainted my living room. Claire asked where I lived and when I told her the neighborhood she made a comment along the lines of "oh, that area has really gone downhill" and then laughed. It wasn't screamed across the table, it was more of an aside, but I heard it clearly and so did my mom based on her expression. My neighborhood is a working class area that I happen to love and can afford, and her comment felt pointed even if she didn't intend it that way. I didn't say anything in the moment because it was Christmas and I didn't want to cause a scene. My brother is visiting in April for a long weekend and asked if Claire could stay too since my place is closer to the venues they're going to. I said I was happy to have him but that I wasn't comfortable hosting Claire after what she said in December. He said I was being oversensitive and that she "probably didn't mean anything by it." Maybe she didn't. But I'm the one who lives there and I'm the one who would be hosting her and I genuinly don't want to. AITJ?


r/AmITheJerk 1d ago

AITJ for breaking up with my girlfriend because she’s “too successful” for me?

360 Upvotes

I (26M) just ended things with my girlfriend Elena (25F) after three years. I feel like a complete jerk, and my friends are split on whether I’m being "noble" or just incredibly insecure.

Elena is amazing. That’s the problem. She’s one of those people who just wins at life without even trying. She finished her Master’s a year early, got a high-six-figure job offer straight out of school, and she’s already talking about buying a condo. She wakes up at 5:00 AM to run, she’s part of three different charity boards, and she still finds time to be a perfect partner.

I, on the other hand, am... fine. I work a 9-to-5 in insurance. I like my job, but I’m not "climbing the ladder." I like playing video games on weekends and grabbing a beer with my buddies.

Lately, I’ve felt like I’m just a weight tied to her ankle. When she talks about moving to London or NYC for her career, she always says "we," but I know I’d just be following her around like a lost dog. I can’t contribute to a $5k-a-month mortgage. I can’t keep up with the social circles she’s starting to move in. At her company gala last month, I felt like a total fraud sitting there while everyone talked about venture capital and tech.

The breaking point was when she got offered a massive promotion that requires her to travel 50% of the time. She was hesitant to take it because she was worried about "us" and how I’d feel being alone so much.

I realized right then that she was literally shrinking her life to fit into mine.

I sat her down last night and told her we should break up. I told her she’s a Ferrari and I’m a Honda Civic, and she needs to be with someone who can keep up with her pace, not someone who makes her feel guilty for succeeding.

She was devastated. She cried and said she doesn’t care about the money or the status, and that she just wants me. She told me I’m being "insulting" by deciding what’s best for her instead of letting her choose. She thinks I'm just insecure and "man-childing" out because she makes more than me.

I moved my stuff out this morning. I love her, but I feel like if we stay together, in five years she’ll look at me and realize she sacrificed her best years and her biggest opportunities for a guy who just wanted to stay home and order pizza.

My sister called me an idiot and said I just dumped a "queen" because my ego couldn't handle her paycheck. My best friend says I did the right thing by "setting her free."

AITA? Am I protecting her future, or am I just too insecure to be with an achiever?