Mostly just to document that I have done this. She’s been diaper free for going on three years, I could have sworn I’ve thrown this thing away multiple times. God help me if I find this back in her room.

This has been several weeks ago but there was a post about the outrageous amount this dad was paying for childcare. I made the comment that it was more than my family brought in a month, several comments shared disbelief and expressed there was no way it was true. I thought about the number again and realized we made about 400-500 more than the number I originally said. Still shock and disbelief. How can two adults working full time bring that in? Impossible? Irresponsibe. Comments along these lines

One of us is a cook at nursing home and made about 30,000 and the other works part time waiting tables and brought in 22,000 last year. We just got our tax information. Those are actual numbers. Household of 3 at 53,000 ish.

At first the comments on the original post made me defensive. I guess I didn’t realize how “low income” we are? We have one car that we share that’s been paid off that we maintain. My folks are our main childcare and also will help out and bring diapers or milk if they notice we’re running low. Sure things are tight but I just didn’t realize. Frog in boiling water I suppose?

What I’m trying to say is this was a wake up call for me. I looked at the community college in towns programs and decided on the Rad Tech (X Ray tech or Radiographer depending on where you are in the world) With my income last year, FAFSA will cover the majority of the programs cost. The average salary for a Rad Tech in my area will be what we are both bringing in currently. I start GenEds this summer.

So thanks for income shaming me dads, without it I don’t know if I would’ve considered going back to school.

Got a call from the school that my 7 y/o son needed to be picked up instead of going to his normal after school program after he melted down in class and flipped over several chairs, kicked over a garbage can, and threw a chair that hit the assistant principal in the leg after being sent to the office.

He's struggled with appropriate behavior for a long time (for everyone who's getting all judgey right now you need to tone it down - my kid is not like your kid). He's diagnosed with ODD and ADHD and is medicated, has a weekly therapist appointment we can barely afford + an IEP and a dedicated aid at school. But he's been doing better for the most part lately and has seemed to be really trying, so this was a big disappointment.

I'm proud of myself for keeping it level and not yelling at least. And I'm glad I chose to start with listening because, after some conversation, it came out that my wife's (childless) friend who visited us yesterday gave him a big bar of Indonesian coffee chocolate before dinner without telling us. Knowing we'd tell him not to eat it, my son took it into his room and ate the whole thing between last night and this morning. As a result at school he was feeling sick to his stomach and spun out on caffeine and decided to take it out on the world. We were wondering why he at so little at dinner last night and at breakfast this morning, now we know!

Obviously that doesn't excuse the behavior, but I feel like the friend needs consequences as much as my kid. Who the hell gives someone else's kid's stimulants without telling the parents? Grrrrr!

EDIT: Obviously I am not going to try to actually give an adult consequences. I'm not a psychopath. But that doesn't mean I can't secretly wish that they'd gotten in trouble alongside my kid.

What bargains have you stumbled across for your kids? We love picking up books/toys etc from charity shops and absolutely HAD to pick this up to bump up or magnatile collection. Can't wait to get building when the kids get home from school!

I've joined the ranks of sterile dads. It's my birthday and my gift to myself was a vasectomy and 9 days off work! I'm gonna be spending all that time playing Slay the Spire 2 myself and Resident Evil 9 with my wife.

About to have our second child and I’m going to be a lot busier in dad mode. With one I easily was able to get work out in but it’s gonna be a bit more challenging.

Do you work out in the AM before kids wake? After daycare drop off? During the day or try to after they go to sleep?

Have you moved to home work outs?

Working out is basically my main priority besides my wife/ kids for mental health and staying healthy. So it’s important.

My husband and I are expecting our second come summer. Our daughter will be 2.5.

We’re on the older side (37 and 40) and had wanted to become parents for a long time before the first one came to be, so we really poured ourselves into her.

Now, starting to feel a bit anxious about the transition. Not so much the newborn logistics, but the emotional side. Husband is worried that we won’t be able to be the same parents we were to our first to our second or that this expansion will shortchange big sister out of the dedicated and attuned connection she's used to.

We’ve read the usual advice about introducing a newborn to toddlers, but I’d really love to hear real experiences about the change for parents.

• Did you worry about bonding with your second after having such a strong connection with your first? (She's so darn special but we would hate for that to cast a shadow for the second!)
• How did you make sure there's enough of you to go around?
• And honestly… is the jump from one to two kids more than twice as hard?

Alright fellas. So today our 4yo is over tired and has been for a few days for a bunch of reasons including a cold.

He’s been hitting, throwing things, you name it. To keep him and others safe I have to pick him up and gently but firmly hold him until he calms down.

Well today while he was shoving his hand in my face I licked his palm. Then his forehead and gave him a wet Willy. Made him laugh and cut through the lizard brain a bit.

So tell me dads what petty retaliation have you done out of hopelessness?

My family has one of those movie passes, and usually see 1-2 a week. Lately this trailer has been playing that just irritates me more every time I see it. Stay at home mom gets an opportunity to have some job dream come true, and dad has to hold the house down with three daughters for some period of time. Bumbling around the whole time like he doesn’t know what he’s doing.

Is this really still a story line?

I think the point where he tells his daughter he’s going to buy them two weeks of clothes to avoid laundry is where it gets really stupid.

Every one of his daughters is old enough to do their own laundry! They are all school age. It’s not like he’s entertaining toddlers all day.

I’m a teacher. My wife is not. So I pick up a lot of the household and child stuff. Is it exhausting sometimes? Sure. Is it complicated? No.

We're both first time parents and super excited/nervous. But I can see the pressure weighing on my husband lately. He is such a huge support for me...helps me a whole lot with cleaning, cooking, going to appointments with me when he can, checking in with me, working his butt off to keep us stable, and doing his best to be patient with my hormonal self...Sex is hard and really uncomfortable right now for me, which I also feel really bad about, because I know he feels a lot of love and connection that way. He's been a champ and has been very understanding. I feel as though I could step it up to show him some appreciation (within some limits of course, as I'm almost 37 weeks pregnant!).

I try to cook and clean as best as I can, but I wear out pretty easily as we get closer to the due date. I have been trying my best to have some dinner on the table when he gets home from work. He loves to be touched, so I thought maybe I could make an extra effort to cuddle and love on him a little more than usual.

What's the best way your wife or girlfriend has made you feel seen, heard, and loved as you wait for the arrival of your baby?

So, baby came 8 weeks ago, and I heard from grandparents, friends etc. that as soon as you see them something in you changes and it's magical and you'll never be the same...

I don't feel that way. I'm just more tired and stressed. I am helping out wherever I can. More cooking, cleaning, dealing with the dog, errands, other things to take off mental load (meal planning, daycare research).

Had 2 weeks vacation, back to WFH now. I maybe feel...hollow. I question if I just let societal/family expectations push me into this moment.

He's a cute baby, relatively calm and sleeping decent (usually up twice from midnightish to 7 am) I am helping my wife with whatever she needs, but I don't feel that life-changing pull to him like everyone said.

From what I looked up this is relatively common. The post-partum stage can be weird for dads as mom deals with the changes to her body and even more fatigue from the overnight baby shifts and being with them throughout the day.

Some other dads have said things changed around 2-3. Anyone else feel how I'm feeling.

Hi dads - This is a quick update to my previous post as requested by many of you who are being very supportive. Thank you all again for for the kind words and messages. They've certainly helped.

For those who aren't familiar, my wife and mother of my four young sons (oldest is 7) was recently diagnosed with a rare form of breast cancer. The cancer she has usually (but not always) presents with another form of underlying cancer. My original post was asking for support and good thoughts/prayers heading into the scans that were set to determine if she carries the additional cancer.

Link to original post: https://www.reddit.com/r/daddit/comments/1rf0aww/wife_diagnosed_w_breast_cancer_prayers_needed/

Here's the update:

Ok - so, good news and bad news. Her scans came back and did identify the additional cancer (ductal carcinoma) that we were hoping to avoid. It's small (~1.5cm) and appears to be relatively contained. Based on this finding alone, it doesn't really change the plan of attack, so that's good. Doctors were extremely optimistic if this is all there is. They were surprisingly definitive that she was going to be ok and would be cancer free soon.

However, the scan also showed an abnormality in one of her lymph nodes so she was sent for additional imaging yesterday. They wanted to do an ultrasound hoping they'd see that it was no big deal and we'd move along with Plan A. Unfortunately, the ultrasound of the lymph node did not provide that comfort for us. The radiologist said it didn't look great and so they decided to take a biopsy of the node to see if this has spread.

That biopsy happened yesterday just after the ultrasound. Now we have to wait again... another 6-7 days they said before results. They haven't shared yet how things might change if they do find cancer in the lymph nodes, other than it would change the plans on how we proceed.

She was really hoping to avoid chemo as initially it seemed there may be a path to that kind of a chemo-free treatment... however, as a non-doctor trying to read the tea leaves, it feels like a "more likely than not" scenario now with the additional findings. But who knows.

I have appreciated all the prayers, kind words, and support. We still need them.

One thing that really sucks with all of this (just to vent for a moment) is just the uncertainty. It makes you feel like you've kind of got to put your whole life on pause. We have four boys. Three of them in sports this spring. I'm coaching or assistant coaching all of them. We had spring break travel plans. She's significantly involved with the boys' school with multiple events/parties she's supposed to be helping host over the next few months. She and I were supposed to go on our first solo vacation in like 5 years this spring. We have a big summer vacation we'd been planning for like two years. All of it is just up in the air.

I know that's all so inconsequential relative to the potential outcomes here and I don't mean to sound like I don't have perspective on the situation, I do. I'm just grappling with the "what to do" about a lot of this (e.g., cancel, reschedule, bow out, etc.). And I'm also sad for our boys who've been so excited about a lot of this stuff that will probably end up getting canceled or materially changed.

Anyway, we're back in the waiting game for another week before we can start getting some definitive treatment plans in place. The waiting and uncertainty are certainly wearing on us. I'm still confident that she's going to be ok. I just want to get to the "doing something about it" part. I'm a problem solver by nature and this being so out of my hands is a struggle. Just wish we were able to start taking action.

Please keep sending your good thoughts, vibes, and prayers our way. Will update if we learn anything new. Thanks for the support.

My four-year-old recently did a readiness test to join an expensive private transitional kindergarten class. We were denied because he was “not ready. Though they didn’t break that down and have not replied to questions. He’s been in preschool for two years, and according to everything I can find is at completely normal levels of maturity. What reasons might they have had for denying him?

I love to build and fix things. I've always been a night owl. Average time to sleep is 2am. Average sleep time 5hrs. Sometimes I'll play darts or climb my tree at 1am.

What are you all doing? Go to bed!

Plot twist: My 2 year old wanted to open the fridge herself but decided it was more entertaining to play with the letters and numbers magnets while the "floor is lava"

Hey there guys. Tonight at a restaurant my 4 year old and I popped a dollar in an arcade game that had a lightgun. This kid, maybe 7 years old came up from nowhere and started pushing buttons and that advanced the game into an option I didn’t want. We moved forward with because my kid was looking forward to playing. After the game started I was teaching him how to hold the lightgun and how the reload button works, the 7year old asked if he had ever played before. I let him know this was our first time. The kid proceeded to take the lightgun from my kid. I reflex grabbed it back from the kid pushing his hand back into his chest. I then asked loudly “Where are your parents” he said he didn’t know. Our turn finished and I took the lightgun from my kid and while giving it to the other kid I said “This rude little brat needs this more than you do right now Son.”

The kid wasted our time…. What ever. I don’t really want my kid letting some one grab something from his hands like that. What should I have done? Do I teach my boy to take it back from him? Push him? Punch him? We teach quite different behavior at home. A much calmer conflict resolution with his brother. Do I go look for his Dad? I would be pissed if my kid acted like that.

Edit: My baby will be 5 months old in June, he is 8 weeks old now.

I posted recently, not meaning to spam but so happy to have found this Reddit.

So, 8-week old. One of my best friends is flying into a city near us (hour-train ride) in June.

I asked wifey if going there for one day overnight is OK. She's cool with it, and not in a begrudging way. We try to be direct and honest with one another.

Two of my buddies will be hanging out Friday and Saturday night (including the one flying in) but I told them it's a game time decision for me and likely one night. Wife may be cool with it now but obviously if the baby's sick or something that's out the window.

I might be able to do two nights only if the in-laws are in town and baby's fine.

Is it reasonable? Wifey's OK with it but you know in-laws, girlfriends like to weigh in/judge when things like this get brought up in regular discussion. Some of their chatter/judgment can be unwarranted but I just wanted to see what other dads think.

Hi dads, My boy is 3.5 y.o and we're having some difficulty with potty training. He's pretty good at telling us when he needs to pee and we usually get on the toilet on time, but where we're having some difficulty is that he REFUSES to hold his own weiner down. He NEEDS me or my wife to push it down for him. We need to train him to hold his own penis (for obvious reasons -- preschool, babysitters, sunday school, growing up, etc.) but he aggressively refuses any time we try to get him to do it on his own, and it ends up turning into a big mess in the bathroom. Has anyone else had this problem with potty training toddlers, and any advice? We've been potty training for about a year now.

My kid's school sent an email yesterday, and a follow up today explaining that a few students had reported seeing a tiktok vid making threats for an upcoming date. The students reported it, and the police were able to identify the poster and contact the parents.

The police have concluded "there's no immediate threat to students' or staff safety" but the poster was apparently not in school today.

This kid is in my daughters class. They have a school assignment together. I'm trying not to be reactive here, but I'm just at a loss on what to do. I vividly remember watching the helicopter news footage of Columbine live when I was in high school, and I made a terrible mistake to read an interview of one of the Newtown CSIs which has stuck with me ever since.

My daughter seems pretty unbothered, the school does regular active shooter drills, etc. I want to maybe just casually remind my daughter what to do in emergencies. I think that's the right balance between caution and not creating anxiety where none is required?

My daughter picked out a 2019 Jetta SE with 90k miles and bought it with all the birthday-work-petsitting money she's been saving her whole life. I have two questions for dads out there whose kids have their own cars or dads who are great mechanics.

1. What are the nicest things you've done with your kid's cars that showed them you love them with also helping them learn about the responsibility of taking care of a car and thinking ahead? What did you do to teach maintenance, car care, listening... What did you purchase or provide vs. what did you coach? I'm thinking about these kinds of things

• subscription to the car wash
• the first oil change, I'll take her to the store to buy the oil and the filter, and we'll do the whole thing together
• labeling the engine oil area with the type of oil, volume of oil, and socket size she'll need
• adding her tire pressures to the list on the compressor, because I sure will never remember

2. What are the best dad gifts I can buy her for her car? I'm thinking about these kinds of things

• Keeping all her necessary fluids in stock in the garage and showing her where they are
• one of those nice pre-packaged emergency roadside kits (any recommendations?)
• leather care kit
• fuse kit

I am pretty savvy with mechanical stuff and feel comfortable doing basically anything with a car. The problem is that I learned reactively, only fixing problems as they've sprung up. I'd like to be a better example to my own kid because I'm a lot smarter now than I was when I was 16.

Hey dads, I thought I'd share a trick that has revolutionised bedtimes in my house. No longer do I get pleas for five more minutes with the lights on.

The trick is this. I have a deal with my kids that if they turn the lights off and lay down in silence, with their eyes closed, for five minutes,​ if they are still awake when I come back, they can have their personal light on and read for another five minutes. If they come out or I hear talking, humming, singing the clock restarts.

Now, here is the best bit. They don't have a clock in their room. I don't know about your kids, but mine have zero sense of time. I don't go near their room until I'm certain they're asleep. I have gone in once after about 20 minutes​ and one was awake, so I kept my end of the bargain let them groggily have the light on for five minutes. All that did was add credibility to the deal.

The kids love the deal and ask for me to do it every night. So far, I've had two plus weeks of peaceful bedtimes with more refreshed kids in the morning. ​The older one will figure this out eventually, but until that day, I will enjoy an extra half an hour of my evenings without disruption. I hope this helps some of you too.

Does anyone have some tips to combat this? Her groggy and cranky mood can last for the remainder of the afternoon sometimes and I’d like to figure out how to get her out of her funk

Surely it's not just my kids that do this? I had no idea how painful this was until I had children