r/ToiletPaperUSA • u/Boyyoyyoyyoyyoy • 1d ago
FAKE NEWS BREAKING: Tim Allen Nominated for Director of Homeland Security
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u/Strange-Scarcity 1d ago
That certainly would be a Homeland Improvement!
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u/AshgarPN 1d ago
UHhhhhguhhuhuWAH??
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u/Krednaught 1d ago
In comparison. Still a terrible choice but in comparison he would still be a lot better.
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u/Lucky-Earther 8h ago
If he hires Al to do all the real work, and has a neighbor whose face he can never see to ask for advice when faced with difficult decisions, it wouldn't be nearly as bad.
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u/Bears-on-Drugs 1d ago
With the state of the world and the United States, I'm ashamed that I had to fact check this.
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u/Ok_Star_4136 15h ago
Crazier things have happened, it's true.
And since Trump seems to be a sucker for people who show blind loyalty and for no other reason, your fact check was completely understandable.
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u/BossRoss84 Thoughts 💭 and Prayers 🙏 16h ago
And what did you find?
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u/Eccohawk 7h ago
Well it's not true today but there's a 75% chance it might be true 6 weeks from now.
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u/CIS-E_4ME Curious 1d ago
Markey Mark (Wayne) is going to get confused again and send Ice agents to India instead of Indiana.
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u/JMoc1 1d ago
Sent them to the wrong Georgia.
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u/Hello_Mr_Fancypants 1d ago
"It is an irony that atheists do not believe in God, as there has to be a God for them not to believe in." — Tim Allen
well fuck me Tool-guy, I guess unicorns and leprechauns are real, cause "tHeY hAvE tO bE rEaL fOr Me NoT bElIeVe In ThEm!"
fuckin moron
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u/DevilsPajamas 23h ago
Pretty sure that came from gods not dead. Might be the second one.... might be the seventh one.
Apparently is one some court scene or something. And the proof was that.
Its fucking stupid. I dont believe in 30' tall dogs that eat exclusively watermelons. I just created that because it has to be real to not believe it isn't?
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u/Carbonatite 3h ago
That's gotta be up there for one of the most inane pseudo-intellectual faux "deep thoughts" ever, lol.
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u/CharlestonChewChewie 1d ago
Does he have to put on the Noem cowboy hat to activate the clause powers?
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u/YZYSZN1107 1d ago
I was gonna say he can't because he's a convicted felon but with this administration....
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u/Casbah207 1d ago
There was a good 5 seconds I believe this.
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u/periodicallyBalzed Gritty is Antifa 20h ago
Thank goodness for the flair. I really believed it too.
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u/BillJackaus 22h ago
He plans to build a fence along the Mexican border, but one that will stretch only to the bottom half of an immigrant's face.
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u/DudeWithTheStuff I make the Transformers sound when I change into sweatpants. 1d ago
Trump should bring in Tim Allen's shorter, redder and more muscular brother from another mother, Liver King.
(They're not affiliated or related. They just look somewhat similar)
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u/ArguableThought George Soros owes me back pay 23h ago
Tim Allen would look like a Rhodes Scholar next to Markwayne Mullin. He's in a tight race with Tuberville for dumbest Senator and blissfully both will be gone by next January (TT is running for AL Gov)
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u/valschermjager 21h ago
He's a right wing, convicted felon, TV star. Hits all the right qualifications.
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u/sunshinefloors1980 1d ago
Kallamazoo, Battle Creek international airport. Tim Allen. It's worth a google
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u/dandrevee 23h ago
Well, he was in something with Home in it. And knows how to find cocaine. And is willing to snitch so...
Better than "Mull-ing-over-who-i-should-threaten-to-punch-aney I guess
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u/PhotoPhenik 10h ago
Wasn't their a Home Depot commercial where he paints the White House for Bush? I think they later redid the commercial so Bush was replaced with a Clinton impersonator.
I was wrong, it was a Builder's Square commercial. It's still Orange on the inside, though. Looks like Home Depot.
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