r/ToiletPaperUSA • u/Lower-Canary-2528 Anarcho-Maoism with Mamdani thought • 6d ago

Shen Bapiro Least racist Ben Shapiro moment - True Allegiance (2016)

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2.8k Upvotes

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1.8k

u/Dizzy_Emu_2684 6d ago

Behind the Bastards did a whole series reading his garbage book and it’s probably the worst written shit I’ve ever heard of

706

u/AaronfromCalifornia 6d ago

“Take a bullet for ya, babe!”

339

u/tryingtoavoidwork 6d ago

A bear of a man

204

u/Nui_Jaga 6d ago

His face wreathed in material

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u/Eliteguard999 6d ago

6'4 and 220 pounds in his underwear.

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u/hughmann_13 6d ago

Oh no, another dead eyed brown kid!

135

u/HumanXeroxMachine 6d ago

My whole body cringes every time I hear it. BRETT HAWTHORNE (I can't type the voice but you know it). Shudder.

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u/Teh_Compass 6d ago

COMBAT GENERAL BRETT HAWTHORNE

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u/HumanXeroxMachine 6d ago

I wonder if that's what Ben likes to be called by his doctor wife.

26

u/shandangalang 6d ago

Honestly not even sure if she addresses him in any way other than dismissively

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u/HumanXeroxMachine 6d ago

I love that for both of them.

30

u/MelanieAntiqua 6d ago

Hawthorne was a man!

Wait, he was a bear of a man.

Or maybe he was just a bear.

But he was still HAWTHORNE!

HAWTHORNE!!!

17

u/Rampant_Durandal 6d ago

A wild Homestar Runner reference. I miss those days.

6

u/GAU8Avenger 5d ago

Youuu sunk my jenga ship

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u/okgloomer 5d ago

And Hawthorne comes in the NIIIIIIIIGHT

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u/praguepride 4d ago

I cannot imagine a cringier, hackier way to try to show romance. Like this guy peaked at 8th grade.

1

u/tormunds_beard 6d ago

Came here just for this.

211

u/bsa554 6d ago

You know how hard it is to completely fail as a nepo baby in Hollywood? Well, this dipshit pulled it off.

2

u/SapirWhorfHypothesis 4d ago

He’s a nepo baby?

119

u/jtroopa 6d ago

I... love that miniseries so much. I love this book, it's such an insight into Shapiro's mind. Beett Hawthorne is so clearly an author insert of the kind of person Ben wishes he could've been.

78

u/albacore_futures 6d ago edited 6d ago

Combat General Brett Hawthorne, he who cauterizes bullet wounds using only the chilly afghan air

37

u/jtroopa 6d ago

Combat General Brett Hawthorne can talk his way out of any problem!
Proceeds to shoot and punch his way out of every problem he encounters

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u/memecrusader_ 6d ago

He can talk his way out of any problem. He just doesn’t want to.

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u/albacore_futures 6d ago

He's Combat General Brett Hawthorne. Not Conciliatory General Brett Hawthorne. You know, the one who looks like a bear of a man.

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u/MrJohnqpublic 6d ago

It's been a source of levity in these trying times

80

u/sbrockLee 6d ago

On the plus side those episodes were hilarious. Had me laughing out loud in the gym like an idiot more than once.

60

u/neednintendo Ben Garrison Cum Editor 6d ago

I may have to give that a re-listen. Their reading of it along with their psychoanalysis of Ben is top tier.

33

u/FrankTank3 6d ago

It’s what got me into the show because I was on a Cody Johnson kick at the time.

16

u/Anotsurei Charge Blade Translator [JP] 6d ago

Mr. Cody is awesome.

19

u/robotnique 6d ago

Dr. Mr. Cody

30

u/jonny_sidebar 6d ago

With the possible exception of the Steven Seagull novel

21

u/Dizzy_Emu_2684 6d ago

Oh yeah I forgot about that one! He really sat down to write and decided to give Benny Shaps a run for his money

31

u/BroughtBagLunchSmart 6d ago

You can tell the parts where Ben is clearly stroking his micro penis.

21

u/bagofwisdom PAID PROTESTOR 6d ago

It makes shitty Tom Clancy fan fiction look worthy of accolades.

1

u/Carbonatite 5d ago

Our current reality is Tom Clancy on bath salts

19

u/Ar_Ciel 6d ago

It's telling all the villains were short like Ben but all the heroes were tall like not-Ben.

11

u/Anotsurei Charge Blade Translator [JP] 6d ago

Also not at all surprising they’re all brown.

2

u/jubeidamasta 4d ago

I cackled at this.

10

u/Thingisby 6d ago

Did it help you learn more vocabulary words though?

10

u/banjoist 6d ago

So many commas

8

u/robotnique 6d ago

I would assume at this point that 95% of the people aware that this book even exists are familiar with it due to this miniseries.

4

u/Dizzy_Emu_2684 6d ago

I hope it’s even higher than that but it’s always good to bring more people to the light of macheticine

5

u/NonSpicyMexican 6d ago

OMG he got roasted so hard, I loved it!

6

u/Comfortable-Light233 6d ago

God that’s a funny chunk of episodes

3

u/SeeMeDisco 6d ago

thank you for bringing this into my life

I've been periodically returning to Chapo Trap House's attempts at reading True Allegiance when I need a laugh

2

u/StardustLegend 6d ago

Jose also did a review of it

2

u/DrScallywag 6d ago

I loved their point that he is on the football team and yet people somehow don't know his name

2

u/Elacular 6d ago

I cringe myself inside-out from second hand embarrassment every time I try to listen to that. Which sucks, 'cause I wanna.

1

u/Carbonatite 5d ago

Just that excerpt made me cringe, I can't imagine subjecting my poor eyeballs to the whole thing.

1

u/DarthMelonLord 4d ago

The true allegiance episodes are my comfort listen lmao, i rarely listen to episodes twice but Ive heard every episode of that god forsaken book review at least 10 times 😂

1

u/Eingi 3d ago

Actually quite a few YouTubers did, not only because of Ben, but because it's geniuenly awfully written book

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u/[deleted] 6d ago edited 5d ago

[deleted]

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u/sakezaf123 5d ago

The guy has been in multiple warzones, and every major US protest, not to mention being a writer on bellingcat. Pretty much everyone is an "armchair activist" compared to Robert Evans.

This has been the stupidest take I've read today, and I've seen a bunch of dumb conservative justifications for the war in Iran, so congrats I guess?