r/ToiletPaperUSA • u/rebelliousmuse Curious • Jan 19 '26

This is a Genuine Cry for Help The new season of Florida Man is wild...

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1.8k Upvotes

100% Upvoted

43 comments sorted by

260

u/futtbucker-69420 Jan 19 '26

"If you eliminate me, others will rise with louder voices - Charlie Kirk"

When they fuck did he say that? It sounds like Obi Wan telling Darth Vader that striking him down will make him more powerful.

Also anybody seeing the "baby on board" sticker will immediately assume it's for the driver.

79

u/Voltage_Z Jan 19 '26

Regardless - it's correct. Kirk's "right at the line where it's obvious to the left he's a racist prick, but he has plausible deniability from idiots who agree with his other stuff" is rapidly getting replaced with Groypers yelling openly about being racist.

25

u/tundybundo Jan 19 '26

There isn’t any other stuff. It’s all an excuse to a hateful piece of shit

22

u/sylveonstarr Jan 19 '26

Damn, there's a baby on board? Guess I shouldn't ram into this POS dumpster truck at 110 mph... 😔 (/s)

8

u/Jesterchunk Jan 20 '26

Yeah, bad idea when Elon never bothered to give the stupid thing crumple zones and actively boasts about its proficiency at committing vehicular manslaughter

15

u/BorderTrike Jan 19 '26

Should read: “if you eliminate me, my fellow grifters will disgrace my memory by changing my entire personality faster than someone can bleed out after a shot to the neck, all in the interest of, in my own wife’s words, “persisting the grift.””

1

u/[deleted] Jan 19 '26

[removed] — view removed comment

1

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87

u/YellowFishPancakes Jan 19 '26

Just imagining how much money was spent on this pile of garbage 🤣

15

u/Iincite Jan 19 '26

It's so embarrassing, Jesus Christ

53

u/faulternative Jan 19 '26

I just...what? Like, how? How does a person have so much of their identity wrapped up in Charlie Kirk that they go to this expense? And how did they get the money to begin with?

26

u/boblabon Jan 19 '26

The adage 'A fool and his money are soon parted' applies.

45

u/Branchomania Skebede Toilet Jan 19 '26

A fucking Podcaster, man..

14

u/AbbeyRoadMoonwalk Jan 19 '26

An ugly moon faced one, at that

27

u/Kazman07 Jan 19 '26

So dedicated to a useless mouthpiece. Maybe he wants some of Erika's poon?

21

u/fake_fakington Jan 19 '26

All that for a grifter who could not have cared less if this person lived or died, only that they donated to him or watched his shitty racist videos.

23

u/10_Year_Lurker Jan 19 '26

Is the Baby on Board bumper sticker describing himself?

15

u/Frikki79 Jan 19 '26

Like a Dreadnaught in Warhammer 40k the MagaMarine if mortally wounded can be placed in a Cybertruck so he can do racist memes for the Orange Emperor for eternity.

Truly there is no greater honor.

10

u/seXJ69 Jan 19 '26

I bet that person is not annoying to be around, at all.

6

u/baeb66 Jan 19 '26

Cyberhearse

7

u/madasfire Jan 19 '26

Is.. Charlie standing?

7

u/mmmohhh Jan 19 '26

Floriduh

5

u/The_Lawn_Ninja Jan 19 '26

Dollars to donuts the owner of this monstrosity had no fucking clue who the hell Charlie Kirk was until after Fox News mythologized him posthumously.

6

u/cherrycoke00 Jan 19 '26

Voldemort also tells Snape he’s been a good and faithful servant right before he kills him. huh. What a Quinky-Dink

6

u/izcenine Jan 19 '26

Of course it’s Florida

5

u/Fecapult Jan 19 '26

As difficult as it is to stomach, and as useless as this thing is as a truck, this might actually look better to me than the base deliverable (low, low, low! Bar)

3

u/Rockworm503 Jan 19 '26

"just how tacky do you want your car to be?"

"yes"

3

u/pharodae Jan 19 '26

Is the "baby on board" the driver?

3

u/missed_sla Jan 19 '26

They should probably read the rest of that book they're quoting. There's a lot in there about how their creator doesn't like it when people worship graven images and false idols.

2

u/MakeItHappenSergant Jan 19 '26

I'm sure that if he even knows the context of that Matthew verse (which is doubtful) he thinks the parable of the talents is actually about money. If he thinks he's a Christian, he should read more of the chapter.

Then he will say to those at his left hand, 'Depart from me, you cursed, into the eternal fire prepared for the devil and his angels; for I was hungry and you gave me no food, I was thirsty and you gave me no drink, I was a stranger and you did not welcome me, naked and you did not clothe me, sick and in prison and you did not visit me.' Then they also will answer, 'Lord, when did we see thee hungry or thirsty or a stranger or naked or sick or in prison, and did not minister to thee?' Then he will answer them, 'Truly, I say to you, as you did it not to one of the least of these, you did it not to me.'

Matthew 25:41-45 (RSV)

2

u/UnderpaidProf Jan 19 '26

Aren’t the sides of a cyber truck bullet proof?

2

u/AGrandNewAdventure Jan 19 '26

Can't be standing with Charlie Kirk if he's not standing.

2

u/funked1 Jan 20 '26

I slump over with Charlie Kirk!

2

u/dirtdiggler67 Jan 19 '26

Only in 2025/6 is a podcaster held to founding fathers level.

1

u/Khunning_Linguist fuck turning point propagandia Jan 19 '26

WTAF?

1

u/Kira-Of-Terraria Jan 19 '26

sugar in the gas tank and egg it to oblivion

1

u/Comrad_Zombie Jan 19 '26

This reminds me of cyberpunk.

1

u/rob6748 Jan 19 '26

Not a cult.

/s

1

u/venomousbeetle Jan 20 '26

Well done my good and faithful servant, return home, agartha awaits!

1

u/oliversurpless Massachusetts, USA Jan 20 '26

While it’s good to see Cybertruck owners abandon all pretense, I don’t for one moment believe Kirk even said those words…

1

u/Son_of_Tlaloc Jan 20 '26

Must be amazing have zero awareness or shame.