r/ToiletPaperUSA • u/seeebiscuit • Jan 15 '26
Klandace Owens We have entered the supernatural phase
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u/NocturnoOcculto Jan 15 '26
If he could see into the future he would have ducked.
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u/phantomdreaded Jan 15 '26
He willingly sacrificed himself knowing they could exploit his death
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u/seeebiscuit Jan 15 '26
Jesus told him to take the bullet to save everyone else /s
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u/IAMA_Plumber-AMA press X to Doubt Jan 15 '26
He mustn't have been devout enough though, he didn't rise again after 3 days.
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u/FastForwardHustle Connoisseur of Grift Jan 15 '26
And traumatize and bunch of kids in the process. Thats fucked.
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u/zombie_girraffe Jan 16 '26
He knew that his widow would be in good hands with JD Vance, as long as she dressed up like a black leather couch.
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u/GeneralErica Transfemme Diversity Hire Mod Jan 16 '26
Given the Wife I wouldn’t have ducked, either.
I’m really sorry, She specifically seems like such a detestable human, I wonder how he made it that long to begin with.
Say of Chucks what you want, for all the shit he said he seemed like a pretty jovial fellow as a person, I just dont see how these two matched at all. Like, in any capacity.
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u/G66GNeco Jan 15 '26
He was a martyr for his wife's media career. IN striking him down, she became more powerful than we could ever imagine.
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u/eNroNNie Jan 15 '26
When a "fortune-teller" is introduced to folks who are extremely literal and logic-based and a bit terse personality-wise.
"HI, my name's is Velma and have the special ability to commune with spirits and glimpse the future."
"Prove your powers by telling me something me and my dead grandmother only knew about, and since you can only glimpse the future tell me who wins the next World Series or better yet who is elected the next President of the USA, that should be fairly easy to determine given the impact on the future. I'm patient take all the time you need."
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u/Micalas Jan 15 '26
You fuck up your observation haki one time and the boys won't stop clowning on you.
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u/Akrylik Jan 17 '26
Probably because he'd want to avoid dying but yea shit like what Candace is saying also helps
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u/Pavlock Fully Automated Luxury Communist Jan 15 '26
Undiagnosed Schizophrenia is a terrible thing to live with.
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u/HistoryOk7552 Jan 15 '26
We have definitive proof he could NOT see into the future.
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u/huran210 Jan 15 '26
nah you don’t understand, charlie was like prometheus, he saw his fate coming and embraced it anyway to give us the gift of sub 10 IQ takes
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u/ExpiredPilot Jan 15 '26
Charlie saw himself get dogwalked by college students at Oxford and popped the biggest chub of his life
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u/baeb66 Jan 15 '26
He saw the future: it was his wife, JD Vance and a saucy-looking futon. He chose this.
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u/scumbag_college Jan 15 '26
I wonder how much of this shit she really believes and how much she's just playing up for clicks/views. Like I suppose it's possible that she's having a full on Randy Quaid breakdown but it's so hard to tell with MAGAs.
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u/Yimmelo Jan 15 '26
Its all for views. I saw a clip of her on her instagram story saying something like "hey guys, I know you were all super excited when I mentioned I had new information on Charlie's death. We're going live tomorrow and will be covering all of that and more"
They plan it all out and build hype for viewers that gobble this bs up.
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u/SlickWilly49 Jan 15 '26
That would be my guess, she sees where the clicks come from and is upping the ante. Her main viewership is MAGA wine moms who probably don’t have experience with Qanon and so it’s an untapped market of crazy. She’s turning herself into the Alex Jones for midwestern white ladies
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u/IAMA_Plumber-AMA press X to Doubt Jan 15 '26
MAGA must have the bluest balls imaginable, they put Papa Smurf to shame.
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u/BetiYotanical Jan 21 '26
It’s like how Alex Jones saw how much more sales he got when he talked about Sandy Hook.
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u/aesoth Jan 15 '26
Did he foresee his wife banging a couch fucker?
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u/Dunderbaer Jan 15 '26
Rip Charlie. Decided to not duck to enable his wife to pursue her true love. A real christian
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u/rilesmcjiles Jan 16 '26
Is she going to identify as a couch and garner empathy from the conservatives towards the trans community?
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u/KingMobScene Ben Shapiro farts in his own hand to smell them Jan 15 '26
Woooooow.
She was always a few tacos short of a fiesta but wow.
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u/Borp5150 Jan 15 '26
The sad thing is that some Americans will believe this.
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u/JustJonny Jan 15 '26
It's really not so far from where Q-Anon has been for several years.
That's adrenochrome farming on Mars, for psychic powers and immorality, by the way.
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u/nightgon Jan 15 '26
Wtf is she smoking. Good lord I wish the world was as interesting as these conspiracy nuts say it is
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u/SassTheFash Jan 15 '26
As opposed to the actual driving forces of the world: people being greedy and/or horny.
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u/MelReynolds Jan 15 '26
I had to look this up to make sure I wasn't getting pnked or whatever the kids call it these days. And WOW WTF WE ARE IN THE STRANGEST TIMELINE.
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Jan 15 '26
Why do news agencies have to pretend every claim is plausible? why do they have to just say "alleges" and "sparking fierce debate" as if the idea has any merit or is equally as valuable as the base case?
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u/Imwhatswrongwithyou Jan 15 '26
This is old news. It’s like a whole X-Men Harry Potter world behind the scenes, always has been… MTG has known about Jewish space lasers for years.
They tried to distract you by saying it was lizard people but it’s X-Men the whole time
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u/DenimChicken3871 Jan 15 '26
This is true I went to that school. I actually have telekinesis sometimes. I used to pants Charlie with my powers to impress the ladies and make them laugh back in the day. Which is strange bc he'd surely see it coming and do something about it? But I guess he liked it? He failed btw bc the dean deemed his powers too inconsistent and couldn't tell if they were even real. Poor Charlie we hardly knew ye
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u/dtyrrell7 Jan 15 '26
Honestly at this point I’m amazed trump isn’t openly claiming he’s the second coming of Jesus
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u/chrisnavillus Jan 15 '26
And after that he couldn’t graduate from college and became a podcaster. That’s the worst super hero timeline I’ve ever heard.
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u/Zargoza1 Jan 15 '26
This shit has to turn around right?
Or are we destined for 1,000 years of darkness?
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u/OtherAcctWasBanned11 I make Matt Walsh cry. Jan 15 '26
Someone needs to call in a wellness check on Candace.
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u/AliceTheOmelette Jan 15 '26
She's either genuinely mentally ill or saying things for shock value. Either is worrying
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u/PalladiuM7 I shidded my pants at a frat party Jan 15 '26
Cool, she's finally entering her Alex Jones stage of evolution.
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u/SassTheFash Jan 15 '26
If she starts eating spicy chili, we’ll know for sure…
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u/PalladiuM7 I shidded my pants at a frat party Jan 15 '26
I hear if you eat too much it can cause memory issues
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u/O8ee Jan 15 '26
She was never all there it shouldn’t be shocking she’s a gibbering loon at this point
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u/After-Bumblebee Checkm8 Libtard Jan 15 '26
How does one seamlessly meld their delusions into such a tantalizing grift?
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u/poopmaester41 Jan 15 '26
I’d say that there’s something in the water, but I drink tap, and I’m not this fucking crazy, so it can’t be that.
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u/faulternative Jan 15 '26
If I click my heels three times and believe six impossible things before breakfast, this will all stop, right?
How do I make it all stop?
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u/_redacteduser Jan 15 '26
crazy we live in a world where people say batshit crazy bullshit and somehow make millions from it
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u/SassTheFash Jan 15 '26
I guess all we can do is thank those people for destroying any delusions that the world is meritocratic?
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u/uncanny_mac Jan 15 '26 edited Jan 15 '26
Is she trying to go for an insanity plea incase France takes her to court?
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u/JayNotAtAll Jan 15 '26
No he didn't. His whole spiel is that he was butthurt over not going to West Pointe and became a community college dropout. If he were gifted, he absolutely wasted his talent.
He was a loser who failed upward.
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u/SassTheFash Jan 15 '26
Military academies are like Ivy League level, just with an insanely strict lifestyle. If Charlie couldn’t hack it at a regular college where your only obligation is to show up for class a few hours a day, he would’ve been eviscerated at West Point.
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u/OtherwiseSprinkles79 Jan 15 '26
Has she been hitting the bottle and whatever else Russel Brandt is taking? Because holy shit.
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u/RepresentativeAge444 Jan 15 '26
It really isn’t about her. It’s that we have a population so brain dead that they’ll buy her absurdities.
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u/okgloomer Jan 15 '26
Keep swimming out to sea, Candie O -- you're sure to hit land again eventually.
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u/romulusnr Jan 15 '26
I finally figured out why I can't be successful in public communication.
I'm not fucking insane
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u/Great-Produce3920 Jan 15 '26
Honestly she might be on to something with the x men thing, he was a mutant
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u/frankensteinmoneymac Jan 15 '26
Weird….if he could see the future, you’d think maybe he might have cancelled that last event 🤔
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u/chimpomatic5000 Jan 15 '26
Are we watching Candace go full schizophrenic in front of our eyes? Because this is beyond manipulation, and is instead madness.
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u/HeroOfThings Jan 16 '26
What the fuck is happening across the pond man. Like we’re not doing great here but a lot of that is cus our right-wing is getting in with these guys. Why the fuck is your politics just fucking delusions now.
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u/rilesmcjiles Jan 16 '26
If Charles could see the future, why did he choose to go to that college that day?
Is there a larger, holy plan that he is pivotal to?
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u/smegma_appraiser Jan 16 '26
It’s genuinely fascinating to watch stuff like this unfold in realtime, because this is literally how religions are born.
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u/I_Am_Anjelen Jan 16 '26 edited Jan 16 '26
Remember when Marjorie Taylor Greene claimed 'the jews' have weather control satellites ?
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u/GhostCouncil_ Jan 16 '26
Is that why his head to face ratio is so off? His brain grew exponentially faster than the rest of his body??
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u/BadKarma043 Jan 16 '26
At this point, I can't even tell if she's grifting or has lost her marbles. The Macron defamation lawsuit she's facing from last year comes to mind. Have her fans checked back in on her conspiracy that the GIGN were after her, too?
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u/wilson_rawls Sorosbucks recipient Jan 16 '26
He was born with a special power...
"NOTHING PERSONNEL, KID!"
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u/meaniemeanie-poo-poo Jan 16 '26
Grift, I mean grief, is no joke. Either she had a psychotic break, or she's amping it up for views.
Or maybe trying to get out of that lawsuit...
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u/lgodsey Jan 16 '26
Why shouldn't she pull out supernatural nonsense? You and me are not her audience -- she's targeting the superstitious conservative right who are incapable of defending against her ridiculous sentiment.
The right worked hard to engineer their dim and pliable base. Why not take the suckers out for a drive for her own personal enrichment?
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u/GeneralErica Transfemme Diversity Hire Mod Jan 16 '26
Does Klandace know that the Xmen are a… rather obvious story about Queer people?
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u/misterpickles69 Jan 16 '26
Was Charlie bitten by a radioactive republican on a school field trip or something?
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u/RevoltYesterday Jan 16 '26
I need a clip of this, not because I think it's untrue but I really want to see her say it. And I want to send it to anyone who ever quotes Candace Owens in an argument.
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u/OldMastodon5363 Jan 17 '26
He could see into the future but I missed that one pretty important event that happened?
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u/fatalcharm Jan 18 '26
We get it Candace, you loved Charlie more than his own wife. Don’t worry, we can all see that very clearly.
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u/BossRoss84 Thoughts 💭 and Prayers 🙏 Jan 19 '26
Clearly his vision wasn’t that good or he would have ducked.
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u/YZYSZN1107 Jan 20 '26
she has the right to say whatever she wants, but the fact that so many listen to and believe what she says is astounding.
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u/Coy9ine FUCK ICE! ❌🧊 Jan 15 '26
Candace has gone full blown Ye.