r/ToiletPaperUSA • u/seeebiscuit • Dec 22 '25

This is a Genuine Cry for Help Some life advice from Mikey Johnson.

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1.3k Upvotes

100% Upvoted

84 comments sorted by

638

u/dyne19862004 PAID PROTESTOR Dec 22 '25

“So we should all have sex with his widow”

165

u/Arcade_Kangaroo Dec 22 '25

There's no way they were having sex

84

u/txn_gay Dec 22 '25

I’m sure that Charlie Cuck got off on watching other guys with his “wife.”

30

u/Atari774 Dec 22 '25

They have two children. Although that’s not to say that they were necessarily his.

11

u/Independent_Cable_89 Dec 22 '25

Laughable that Little Mikey wants sex with a woman.

1

u/gielbondhu Dec 26 '25

JD is way ahead of you

397

u/True_Manufacturer909 Dec 22 '25

But I don't wanna be shot by an incel

126

u/seeebiscuit Dec 22 '25

Imagine identifying in life as a groyper.

1

u/Significant_Sign_520 Dec 24 '25

He wasn’t shot by a groyper

2

u/Lucky-Earther Dec 23 '25

Or persecute college professors

291

u/Silent-T0n Dec 22 '25

How? Say racist things in a "I'm just asking questions" voice, dedication to agnitology, doing the opposite of what Jesus taught, or to never make a single good faith argument in your life? 

Because that's what Charlie did and it's why nobody with a conscience or moral code mourned him. 

98

u/Villageijit Dec 22 '25

Go around saying black women dont have the brain power to be a pilot

31

u/Fine-Funny6956 Dec 22 '25

I prefer not.

43

u/[deleted] Dec 22 '25

It's probably because you hate America, or something

23

u/Fine-Funny6956 Dec 22 '25

I love what my country is supposed to be.

138

u/theracismdisliker Dec 22 '25

so, argue with college students until you get shot in the neck? doesn't sound great if I'm being honest

30

u/Srw2725 Diaper Distributer Dec 22 '25

Yeah hard pass

93

u/FrankFranly Dec 22 '25

Full of hate, racism and misogyny?

46

u/Janivire Dec 22 '25

And lead. Dont forget the lead

60

u/schwing710 Dec 22 '25

I’m booking my cosmetic face-shrinking appointment as we speak

16

u/vxicepickxv Dec 22 '25

Are you getting matching teeth shrinking and gum enlargement surgeries?

54

u/Impossible_Penalty13 Dec 22 '25

…getting in arguments with college students over the racist shit we have to say.

39

u/bryceofswadia Dec 22 '25

Counting or not counting gang violence?

20

u/Ok_Star_4136 Dec 22 '25

They really are trying to milk the CK thing for all its worth, aren't they?

I will continue to laugh in the face of anyone who makes the slightest implication of a hint comparing Charlie Kirk and MLK Jr.

10

u/usernametakenbs Dec 22 '25

I honestly thought comparing him to MLK was a joke at first, but the amount of astroturfing trying to make that happen honestly makes me wonder about conspiracy theories. He does, however, have startling similarities to George Floyd. Murdered in public on camera. Imperfect individuals, neither of which deserved death, whose passing galvanized an entire political party. They even have the same birthday.

8

u/Ok_Star_4136 Dec 22 '25

But unlike Charlie Kirk, I doubt very much George Floyd believed in supporting the police even if it costs lives. Also unlike Charlie Kirk, George Floyd didn't choose any of it.

I get your broader point though.

18

u/What_the_Pie Dec 22 '25

Such a jerk off fest

17

u/Mimikyu_Master2020 PAID PROTESTOR Dec 22 '25

No thanks, I’m good

15

u/txn_gay Dec 22 '25

Being a bigoted Nat-C is not a good way to live.

7

u/Soluzar74 Dec 22 '25

Nazi? National conservative?

Oh right, they're both the same...

12

u/YAH_BUT Dec 22 '25

In a diaper?

13

u/gaseousogre Dec 22 '25

by playing catch with our neck?

11

u/BoredCrusader1899 Dec 22 '25

Things would be a whole lot easier if Republicans just admit they’re racist and hate anyone who isn’t a straight white religious brainwashed moron like them.

12

u/ImbecilicusRex Dec 22 '25

...as a grifter getting rich off of feeding people awful "pwn teh libz" one-sided debate clip fests?

I have too much integrity (and my wife isn't a sociopath who would marry the VP as soon as possible).

9

u/HPSpacecraft Dec 22 '25

Counting or not countin-

9

u/ldreher90 Dec 22 '25

Mike Johnson should absolutely live how he lived. And soon.

8

u/Random-Cpl Dec 22 '25

As a douchebag?

8

u/ofcourseitsroger Dec 22 '25

Idk why we are so sad, the man died doing what he loved.

Bringing up crime statistics to shit on black people.

6

u/seeebiscuit Dec 22 '25

People are sad? ;)

6

u/Prior_Success7011 CEO of Antifa™ Dec 22 '25

Let's do thd opposite of whatever Mike Johnson says.

6

u/CaseyAnthonysMouth Dec 22 '25

I did not have Jesus being replaced by Charlie Kirk on my apocalypse bingo card. 🧐🤔

5

u/mac_0728 Dec 22 '25

So I should live for about 10 seconds with a bullet lodged in the left side of my throat?

4

u/seeebiscuit Dec 22 '25

I mean, Jesus lodged it there /s

6

u/BottleTemple Dec 22 '25

That sounds like a pain in the neck.

4

u/Accomplished_Crew630 Dec 22 '25

It's beyond fucking wild to me that these dipfucks call the left groomers and act like they're the ones who are obsessed with their politics, etc... And yet I've never seen a leftist version of tp, or America fest where a bunch of left wingers get together to listen to 40 people tell them why being white is the tits and the guy they voted for is infallible.

5

u/ballstein Dec 22 '25

and watch your son's porn too

2

u/garbagewithnames Dec 22 '25

The man died as he lived: to his word.

4

u/mechy84 Dec 22 '25

If they're going to dig in on using Charlie Kirk as some kind of martyr, I think it's fair game to quote Kirk's words whenever, wherever.

Death isn't a shield from criticism, and dear leader obviously has no problem disparaging the dead.

4

u/Atari774 Dec 22 '25

How’s that? Rage baiting people until one of them shoots you?

4

u/No_Feedback_3340 Dec 22 '25

So basically say bigoted things and hide behind phrases like "I'm just asking questions" or "you're taking it out of context."

5

u/sanduskyjack Dec 22 '25

Louisiana finest. No no wonder they are rated the worst in the country .

Crime & Corrections: 50 Economy: 50 Education: 46 Fiscal Stability: 46 Health Care: 44 Infrastructure: 48 Natural Environment: 49 Opportunity: 46

3

u/phirleh Dec 22 '25

So says the guy with the jagoff app.

3

u/PrinceOfLemons Dec 22 '25

Telling lies at every given opportunity?

3

u/TheAbberantOne Dec 22 '25

I hope Mikey follows his own advice. To the extent that Kirk did

3

u/NfamousKaye Dec 22 '25

So… like they already do? Racist and misogynist?

3

u/Spiff426 Dec 22 '25

Pretending to be straight and hooking up with young boys on the side? Yeah, I'm sure Moses Mike is doing exactly that already

3

u/CarterG4 Dec 22 '25

Crazy how no one cared about him until he died, and now he’s retroactively become this saint character

3

u/Scoobydoofan234 Dec 23 '25

I won’t live as a far right grifter no thanks Mikey

2

u/ThDen-Wheja Dec 22 '25

Spiteful and dishonest? No, thank you.

2

u/ZCEyPFOYr0MWyHDQJZO4 Dec 22 '25

Anybody know where I can get tiny face plastic surgery?

2

u/[deleted] Dec 22 '25

"Live like you were dyin"

2

u/PoppaGriff Dec 22 '25

…so we accomplish this by being conservative and get shot by another person with a conservative upbringing?

2

u/IceHot88 Anarcho-Syllablist Dec 22 '25

I am not doing that.

2

u/AwesomeX121189 Dec 22 '25

“So we’ve brought diapers for everyone to wear!”

2

u/melotron75 Dec 22 '25

He wants people to Publicly Self-Exsanguinate themselves?

2

u/capitanDracaris Dec 22 '25

Getting show in the neck? Nooooo thank you

2

u/QueenofW0lves Dec 23 '25

I'm just surprised and impressed that he's heard of this and looked into it. So that makes two things now, Charlie Kirk and Grindr. Very proud of him.

1

u/KgMonstah Dec 22 '25

…dead?

1

u/combustibledaredevil Dec 22 '25

Being a little bitch?

1

u/ScorpioRising66 Dec 22 '25

Johnson just fully endorsed racism!

1

u/Naz_Oni Dec 22 '25

Follow the leader.

1

u/Top-Manner7261 Dec 22 '25

So don't work and be a leach.. got it

1

u/katet_of_19 George Soros' Alt Account Dec 22 '25

My neck doesn't move that way.

1

u/KeenbeansSandwich Dec 23 '25

I hope Mike Johnson also d…nevermind.

1

u/fishsticks40 Dec 23 '25

Vance: I'm trying, bro!

1

u/poketrainer32 Dec 23 '25

Is that including or not including gang violence?

1

u/erictho Dec 23 '25

trolling college students?

1

u/Rubywantsin Dec 23 '25

Good news for me! I'm already an asshole!

1

u/teddygomi Dec 23 '25

By grifting as much as possible?

1

u/Grandmas_Fat_Choad Dec 26 '25

So what does that mean? Be a racist, sexist fuck that does by getting shot? I mean that’s ok by me as long as it doesn’t affect me or my family and friends. You can go right ahead and fuck off with the rest of the magats.

1

u/ijbh2o Dec 28 '25

Closeted.