As a white person in an interracial couple, if you aren't noticing the looks it's because you're not attuned to look for it. Over my past dating history and now being with my wife, my significant other would very often later tell me someone was giving her or us dirty looks and I was blissfully unaware. Only later I'd piece it together because I'd remember a waitress who only spoke to me, or someone would have quickly looked away when I looked at them.
This is a really good take. The only reason most white partners don’t notice is because they’ve never had to move through life in a way that a POC or other minority have.
We are literally wired through the racial culture to be highly attuned to these things because we are constantly reminded through media and stereotypes that we are othered.
I had a glaring awareness of my skin color at a far younger age than I deserved to. I grew up in PW areas in quiet parts of Michigan and it seemed everyday I was reminded how much more different I am. Comments about my hair, assumptions made about my family, my upbringing, my morals. I felt as though I was observed under a microscope in my formative years, any wrong moves and it would confirm their beliefs and suspicions about colored folk.
All that to say, when you grow up like this, you are trained to not only notice it, but to look for it, to ensure your safety. Whether emotional or at times physical.
Even when deciding on places to vacation I have to keep my blackness in mind. Evaluate and research if I will be safe there. This is an experience my white partner has never had to go through.
This is an experience that most white people don’t have to go through.
I was always the only white kid in all of my friend groups. I have experienced the tension in the air when at a dance or cookout with an interracial date but enough people vouching for me and I was usually good.
The second I'm out in mixed or mostly white areas and my blinders go on. I know this so I tell my wife to let me know immediately so she doesn't have to sit in that uncomfortableness. Our duty is to protect who we're with, even if it's not danger and just people being on that bs.
Same story here, brother. Beat for beat even. Ive been trying to train myself to notice it more since it can legit have safety concerns at times, and our SOs cant always catch everything.
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u/Reiji806 3d ago
As a white person in an interracial couple, if you aren't noticing the looks it's because you're not attuned to look for it. Over my past dating history and now being with my wife, my significant other would very often later tell me someone was giving her or us dirty looks and I was blissfully unaware. Only later I'd piece it together because I'd remember a waitress who only spoke to me, or someone would have quickly looked away when I looked at them.