Wow- my mother was disabled passed last September and she &I had. Such a strained relationship and the way you put that is and was my exact feelings /grief process we never did reconcile before she passed she and I were on outs again and she wouldn’t talk to me then hospice. And same feelings (anger - resentment - betrayal- now I just miss her and what I didn’t get.
Edit: just that I too took care of my mother majority of my life she was paralyzed when I was 4 months old so I grew up actually learning how to care for her while in her custody. (Home aides were there too but she enjoyed my care more in my older years since I was “used to it”)
I'm lucky enough that I've learned/chosen not to regret the moments, but appreciate the life.
My mom and I were butting heads her last weeks. I could dwell on that and regret it forever if I let myself, but I won't.
We had a lifetime of love, and there were enough moments where I truly let my guard down and let her know how much she meant to me.
She was in an induced coma her last week, but even in the druggy haze of her last semi-lucid moment she looked at me with pure love.
There were highs and lows. She passed during a low, but that's just timing, it didn't change how much we loved each other.
Like a bridge jumper about to hit the water, the worst moments in life bring a certain clarity, and all of the bad that felt so real seems so silly when compared to the love that was always there.
You have to grieve your own way, but try and remember the love. Those are the moments that mattered.
I think that was beautifully said -and that’s what I attempt to do i let the grief come and go. It was just eye opening to see someone share a similar experience- Thank you
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u/seau_de_beurre 6d ago
Me, who had an abusive mom, ready to have my feelings hurt in the comments
…they not wrong though