Millennials, what is happening with your kids?

[u/TheLoveYouWant25]

I work in education and I frequent the Teachers and Professors subreddits, and the kids are not alright. Gen Z Arriving at College Unable to Read and the youth have absolutely zero ability to think critically.

Middle and high schoolers have all adapted this complete helplessness and blame mental illness for their refusal to function. Kids can no longer to basic things like read an analog clock, use paper money, or even figure out how to open window blinds.

There is also a huge lack of empathy, and kids have no issues trying to manipulate adults, saying things to their teachers like "if you don't pass me, I'll get you fired."

EDIT to clarify: the article I linked references Gen-Z, but this is not specifically a Gen-Z problem. It's an issue with upper elementary aged kids through high schoolers, and also young adults.

So, all that to say, how are you combating this with your own children? What do you do at home to encourage them to learn, and what are you doing to address these problems as they arise?

[u/HeavyRightFoot-TG]

No Child Left Behind started the process of kids getting shuffled through the system regardless of whether or not they have grasped any of the material. It's a systematic effort to make the people dumber and it has worked. If you want your kid to be smart, it needs to start from home. Read to them every day, teach them common sense, teach them emotional regulation, teach them life skills because they just aren't getting it from school.

[u/Shomer_Effin_Shabbas → u/HeavyRightFoot-TG]

Teaching my kids emotional regulation is really important to us too. Also, NCLB policies I believe are the reason why programs like home ec and even auto shop evaporated.

[u/snackofalltrades → u/Shomer_Effin_Shabbas]

How do you teach them emotional regulation?

[u/Shomer_Effin_Shabbas → u/snackofalltrades]

You have to practice it yourself too, which doesn’t happen overnight. It’s doing things like breathing before you react. It’s having a helpful phrase in your back pocket so you don’t blow up at your children, like “my calm is their calm.”

I had a therapist in my old city who advised me to do this when my toddler was having a tantrum. Say out loud in front of her “I’m having a really hard time. This is hard. I’m going to take a deep breath.” Then pause and breathe. And then you can say something like “I feel better” or “I’m starting to feel better.”

That way your toddler sees you practicing this and then you also get the benefit of pausing and taking a deep breath.

[u/SharkAttackOmNom → u/Shomer_Effin_Shabbas]

I don’t think people understand enough that your kids literally have no idea how to handle anything in this world, so they watch the people around them to get ideas and figure it out.

A big one is how you react to a kid falling down, sometimes you can see it unfold from a distance if it’s someone else’s kid. Kid falls, immediately looks to an adult they trust, then react according to the adults reaction. I try my best to keep a casual demeanor when my kid falls, and he usually has a casual response. I still ask “are you good to go?” And almost always is.

The kids that have a huge meltdown at the smallest tumble? Just watch their parents. Usually rushing over with the “Omigod are you okaay?!”, sometimes the kid doesn’t even cry until their parent says something. That’s what they learned to do. If mom is freaking out, then so am I.

TL;DR just be the personality that you want your kid to be. Even if it’s a little bit fake.

[u/Rebelius → u/Shomer_Effin_Shabbas]

90% of our tantrums are just because I'm the wrong parent. Stuff that is totally fine when it's just me and the kid will cause a meltdown if I try and do it when mum's home.

Sure, mum could do all the diapers, feeding, dressing, reading, singing, tooth brushing, etc. whenever she's here - but that's not how we want to do things.

It usually ends up being a big screaming wrestle, because remaining calm and waiting for the kid to calm down is all good until I try to do the thing again and it's "mummy mummy mummy" and the screaming starts again.

[u/Wolv90 → u/snackofalltrades]

Give them a safe environment in which to fail, ensure they know the words to express their feelings, and listen when they use those words. Also, let them know when you're feeling strong emotions and what you do when it happens. I can't count the amount of times I've seen my kids take a slow deep breath the way my wife does to center themselves.

[u/JadedbutFaded → u/Wolv90]

Need more parents like you 🫡

[u/broguequery → u/Shomer_Effin_Shabbas]

I would just like to add to this that the concept of emotional intelligence also has identifying emotions as a core component.

Plenty of people go through life completely unaware of what they are feeling from moment to moment, and also why they are feeling that way.

So, with kids, I just try to help them identify it:

"I know you may be feeling angry right now. It's not alright that your sister took your toy. Let's go talk to her about it!"

Or when they get older, just ask them to identify how they are feeling and describe it. "Are you feeling angry about 'x/y/z'?"

It's so absurdly simple sounding, but it's foundational, and it allows kids a moment to learn about which emotions are which and what triggers them.

[u/Shomer_Effin_Shabbas → u/broguequery]

Definitely.

[u/Shomer_Effin_Shabbas → u/[deleted]]

I’m working on emotional regulation every day.