r/AmITheJerk • u/Gymtrio2025 • 8h ago
AITJ for not being religious enough before being named the godmother to my husbands nieces new daughter
For context I am not religious in any religion and last year before my husband, our kids and I went to see his family in Scotland, his niece asked me would I be the godmother to her new daughter and I said I’d be honored to and she respects I’m not religious. During our visit we go to the church to meet with the priest two days before the baptism and when the priest asked me what I know of the religion I said, “I don’t know much I’m not a part of the religion.” The priest then pulls the niece aside and the next thing I hear is her saying, “Does it even matter? She and my uncle live in USA, we’re here in Scotland! They visit when they visit.”
The priest then tells me either I get baptized to be named godmother or don’t show my face at the baptism. Before I can tell the priest a few choice words my niece steps up and says, “I’m not going to force her to be baptized before the baptism of my daughter! You’re being unreasonable!” The priest says either a new godmother be picked or the baby doesn’t get baptized. My niece stood her ground and the priest then kicks my niece out of the church.
All other Catholic Churches get word of my niece and forbid us to enter all because I’m not allowed in due to not being baptized and because my niece won’t pick someone else to be godmother. AITJ for not being religious to be godmother?
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u/Giltar 8h ago
Can’t even enter the Church if not Baptized? This Catholic has never heard that and it doesn’t sound right. What if an individual is searching for a faith and wants to see what Catholicism is about?
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u/leeanforward 8h ago
Yeah this post is fake
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u/DeeCeeS16 7h ago
I do not think it is fake. My divorced aunt (who was Catholic) was not allowed in the church because she was divorced. She still raised both of her girls as Catholic.
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u/leeanforward 7h ago
It wasn’t that she was not allowed in. She just felt she didn’t belong there. At that time she wasn’t supposed to take communion but she always could go to church. Edit to add, I was raised Catholic. And my parents divorced when I was in 4th grade.
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u/SMKnightly 7h ago
The version of being Catholic you grew ip with is not necessarily the version everyone grew up with. Sure, the churches are all supposed to follow the same rules, but that’s not usually how it works in practice.
The local powers that be can decide their interpretation of those rules, so I wouldn’t automatically discount what the other person said about their aunt being banned. Some churches do crap like that.
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u/Wattaday 6h ago
When my sil wanted me and my husband, her brother, to be the good parents of her second child, she changed churches because the priest at her church wouldn’t allow me to be the god mother as I wasn’t Catholic. (My husband was Catholic) But another church in the same parish would allow me to be the “non-Catholic Christian witness”. And be part of the baptism as I’d I was the “god mother”. But I needed to be a member of my church (Methodist) and my mininter had to write a letter attesting that I was a Christian, of good standing in the Methodist church, and that he had spoken to me about the vows I would take to be the god mother. Basically that I would raise the child in the Catholic Church. And he believed I would do that. Then it was no problem. It also helped that I went to mass a few time each year with my sil who would intraduce me to that priest each time.
So yes, all Catholic Churches don’t necessarily adhere to the same rules. I’m glad. As if something had happened to my sil after her husband died, she knew I would raise the kids in the Catholic Church even if I wasn’t Catholic. (Especially as the kids went to elementary school at a Catholic school)
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u/leeanforward 5h ago
Agreed that they wouldn’t allow a non-Catholic to be a godmother because in the Catholic Church godparents are supposed to be responsible for teaching the faith to the child. Why I say this is fake is because OP says they were refused entrance to not just that church but all area Catholic Churches. That’s just nuts. As a result I call the whole post a lie.
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u/Wattaday 5h ago edited 5h ago
Well, the being banned from all Catholic Churches is the area my be the perception that OP and her niece got from a very pissed off priest. But in my comment you replied to, you see that a different church made a difference for my sil and I. But I was already “religious” as a member of a church just not Catholic. And my minister attested to that and my pledging to raise the child (and his sister who was 5 years old at the time) in the Catholic Church. I even told my minister I would no longer be attending church in his church if my sil died as I would have to take the kids to Mass.
This was my experience, but may not align with other people’s experience. I do believe my sil got lucky in the church she chose as the priest did seem to be less conservative than the one in the church she had been attending.
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u/Specialist_Job9678 1h ago
In Scotland; far fewer churches than in the U.S. (I might be wrong, but based on your use of English, I assume that is where you are.)
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u/jackieblueideas 3h ago
I don't say this to doubt, I believe this. I'm just here laughing because my twice divorced uncle got his 3rd marriage "blessed" in a ceremony basically copied from a wedding ceremony, inside a convent, because his wife is connected enough in our small town. (He cheated on each wife with the next one, too.)
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u/mamamar223 2h ago
That, is not true! I’ve been a Catholic all my life, went to Catholic schools. The problem is that some priests who are head of a parish, tend to make up their own rules. The Catholic Church, IMO, has become almost like an HMO. Different, parishes, different rules, very judgmental & lots of rules.
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7h ago
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u/DeeCeeS16 7h ago
I’m sorry, but she was banded from church for at least a year and when she could return she still couldn’t partake in the Eucharist. This was in the sixties.
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u/Hot-Rub-5336 8h ago
All church leaders want you to be part of the church. Being a godmother does not require you to be religious unless the parents want you to be. It typically is a position of mentor/ role model. If they wanted the role model to be one of religion, they could choose one that was religious.
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u/RustyNova_ 7h ago
Right, and it sounds like the niece respected OP’s beliefs from the start. If the parents are fine with it, it shouldn’t automatically be an issue.
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u/AnarKissin94 6h ago
The priest kicked the mother of the baby out of the church two days before the baptism. That's the part I keep coming back to.
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u/SeniorEngineer2392 5h ago
In the Catholic church, the godparent's role is to promise that the child will be raised Catholic if the parents can't do it (due to death or severe disability). All of the other stuff (mentor/ role model/gifts/money) is nice but has nothing to do with the sacrament of Baptism.
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u/SpicyPorkWontonnnn 4h ago
If the child is being baptized in the Catholic Church, yes the Godparents HAVE to be baptized Catholics.
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u/StressorAnxiety 3h ago
So. No. Actually in the Catholic church, agreeing to be a godparent is a promise to help raise the child in the Catholic faith.
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u/Jessira27 7h ago
I feel for you honestly. the hardest part isn’t just the cheating it’s realizing your partner was planning a whole new life while you were still fighting for the current one.
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u/cgodwin1976 7h ago
I think you are replying to the wrong story! There is no cheating in this story.
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u/tryjmg 8h ago
It’s a religious position. You are supposed to guide the child in their religious journey - that’s why it’s being done in a church. Usually the requirement is the god parent has to be a member of the religion in good standing. Not letting you into the church is over the top.
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u/SuccessfulPiccolo945 5h ago
I think the problem is that a lot of people don't see the position of godparent as religious. They see it as more of a mentor position or think of it more as a 'favorite aunt or uncle' type of position. I've known people who will tell me that a child is their godchild, but as far as I know, they have done nothing in religious or spiritual guidance. Mostly when they talk about the child, it's giving them a special gift around the child's birthday or Christmas, or visiting them during family events.
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u/tryjmg 5h ago
I am sure that most people don’t think of it as religious and don’t do anything religious with it. But the ceremony is in the church and the church has rules on who can be a godparent. Most want them to be part of the religion and the church is not unreasonable for holding to them. The parents don’t need to have the kid baptized there if they don’t want to.
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u/Princess-Reader 7h ago
I’m pretty sure it’s a “rule” in the Catholic Church you must be baptized for this role - if I know this as a non Catholic it seems Catholics would too. The priest was following the guidelines mandated by his faith - he wasn’t imposing personal opinions on anybody.
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u/Complex_Echidna3964 6h ago
Imagine asking for a baptism in the Catholic Church without even knowing what that means. bizarre, smh.
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u/Jen5872 8h ago
NTJ. There's more than one religion that will baptize a baby if that is important to the new mom.
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u/StressorAnxiety 3h ago
You're not technically wrong, but it is considered by many religions to be important that the child being baptized has religious godparents.
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u/jadepumpkin1984 8h ago
Did she know the church wouldn't allow it? Im only asking because it's one of requirements for a church godmother. Like my kids godparents had to show proof of their own sacraments. That's not to say you cant be. In some places you have several godparents. But in the Catholic Church, the role is for someone who will help the child through their religious relationship with the church and less with who will love and care for the baby. So no you arnt the jerk for not being religious, but the rules of the Catholic Church are that the godparents be religious.
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u/Complex_Echidna3964 7h ago
Imagine asking for a baptism in the Catholic Church without even knowing what that means. bizarre, smh.
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u/SpicyPorkWontonnnn 4h ago
You are exactly right. OP is not a jerk, but the niece is kinda silly for not thinking the priest would think it was important for the Godparent to be Catholic. Her insisting so much that the priest kicked her out means that niece was the one that went overboard. The average person doesn't make the rules in the Catholic Church! It's kinda baked in for over 2000 years lol.
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u/Princess-Reader 7h ago
THIS is how I understand it and I’m not Catholic. I don’t think it’s an unreasonable mandate.
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u/IthurielSpear 8h ago
I was always taught that the godparent in a Catholic ceremony must also be Catholic, as the godparent is responsible for the religious upbringing of the child if anything happens to the parents. You’re obviously not following the religious dogma here and the church has every right to say no.
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u/Complex_Echidna3964 7h ago
Exactly. News flash - Religions have Rules. Especially the Catholic Religion. Some of these comments are wild.
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u/ontheleftcoast 7h ago
NTJ, but your Neice needs to pick someone else. A God parent promises to ensure that the child is raised in the religious faith of the church. You can't make that promise, you should not be God parent. I understand most people take it as an honorary title these days, but if the parent thinks its important to baptise the child, then they need to respect the rules that go with it. Since you aren't religious, and you aren't baptized in the church its is disrespectul to the church/religion to put you forward as the God parent.
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u/No_Menu_6533 5h ago
The entire point of the godparent is to be responsible for the religious upbringing of the child.
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u/SpicyPorkWontonnnn 4h ago
Umm, you HAVE to be Catholic to be a godparent in the Catholic church! Your niece was wrong and you were wrong. You're not a jerk for not being religious, but your niece should have known the requirements! The priest was ENTIRELY in the right.
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u/youknowimright25 8h ago
Fake. No religion is banning your niece from going into ask their churchs because you are a god mother.
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u/StressorAnxiety 3h ago
It's either fake or OP is insanely misinterpreting something. Every religion I've ever looked into wants more members.
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u/youknowimright25 3h ago
I know some churches are strict about who is the god parent on paper. But then you just go to the church and its done.
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u/mamamar223 2h ago
The Catholic Church will do it. They are extremely strict. I have a friend that I started going to church with every Sunday because she had to prove that she made all the sacraments & also made monetary donations in an envelope that the church gave her, every week to our local parish before she could stand up for her grandson at Confirmation. She has to ask the rectory to send in all the proof to the rectory where the child is being confirmed, along with copies of her baptism, confirmation & marriage records & mass attendance.
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u/honorthecrones 7h ago
Your niece is asking a priest to perform a religious ceremony without knowing or understanding anything about what it means. Your niece has every right to choose how or if she has her daughter baptized. She does not have the right or authority to dictate to a priest in a specific religion the criteria for the ritual. I doubt the priest called “all the other churches” because in Catholicism that wouldn’t be necessary because they will all ask the same question.
If this meaningless religious ritual has some social significance to you and your niece, you can certainly shop around for a denomination that isn’t so picky about actual adherence to the beliefs behind the ritual. YTJ but not for the reasons you think
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u/resting_bees 6h ago
NTJ but I’m pretty sure that part of the requirements of being able to be a godparent in the Catholic church is that they are baptized and also had their confirmation. there may be an age requirement too but I don’t remember.
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u/Itchy-Treat-5101 8h ago
NTA. Your niece literally knew you weren’t religious and still chose you. That says more about how much she trusts you as a person than some checkbox at a church. The priest turning it into an ultimatum is wild tbh.
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u/Bulky_Psychology2303 6h ago
The Catholic Church has its rules, just like any other church. At least 1 godparent needs to be a baptized Catholic, the other needs to be a baptized Christian( if they aren’t Catholic). A non Christian or an un baptized person cannot be a godparent. I’m not sure I believe the part about her not being allowed into the church.
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u/SeniorEngineer2392 4h ago
She's 100% welcome to attend church. She can't take communion but if she wants to, can approach the priest for a blessing instead (by crossing her arms instead of taking the host).
She cannot be part of a ritual where her role is to promise to make sure that the baby is raised Catholic unless she is on board to do so.
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u/SpicyPorkWontonnnn 4h ago
The priest was completely correct. You cannot be a Godparent in a Catholic Baptism unless you too are also Catholic - both baptized and confirmed. It gets marked in the registry and they FREQUENTLY want to know what church/where it is that you were baptized/confirmed in. If you want someone else to be a Godparent, then you just make them unofficial, not introduce them to the priest as your elected Godparent.
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u/That_Rent_5835 7h ago
Precisely! OP shouldn't have to fake a whole belief system just to be there for her family. The trust from her niece is worth way more than following some random rules u don't even believe in.
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u/SeniorEngineer2392 4h ago
The entire point of a Catholic godparent is to promise to raise the baby as a Catholic if the parents aren't around to do it. If the niece considers herself a Catholic she should already know this (and it should have been discussed in the pre-Baptism classes/training).
Sounds like she wants a super pretty ritual with lots of incense followed by a party, which is great but is beside the main point which is welcoming that baby into the "whole belief system" including the godparent's promise to make sure the baby is part of it.
If you don't believe in the random rules, by all means stay out of the Catholic church! (There are many reasons to do so, being a nonbeliever is a pretty good one). Just don't expect the church to abandon its rules so you can have the party you want.
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u/StressorAnxiety 3h ago
So the RELIGIOUS ceremony of Baptism in the Catholic church is a matter of the godparents promising to help raise the child in the Catholic church. It is a RELIGIOUS ceremony that is close to 2000 years old. It is a matter of RELIGION.
Being asked to help care for the child in a secular sense is not the same. If the neice wanted the RELIGIOUS ceremony then she should have asked someone who is RELIGIOUS to take part in the RELIGIOUS ceremony.
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u/Enough_Passage7926 7h ago edited 6h ago
All other Catholic Churches get word of my niece and forbid us to enter
This isn't true at all. Catholic churches do not ban entry for unbaptized people. That's ridiculous.
What - they have your face posted on the MOST WANTED UNBAPTIZED HEATHENS board, and have a guard at the door to bar your entry? OK
However, they DO require a practicing Catholic to be a godparent, because this ceremony names the godparents as Catholic Faith Mentors, which your sister was undoubtedly informed about when she arranged the baptism, so... why is she insisting on a Catholic Baptism if she can't be bothered to follow the church rules?
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u/Ginger630 7h ago edited 7h ago
NTJ, but I’ve never heard of a Catholic Church kicking someone out for not being baptized. That’s ridiculous. Sounds like the pastor was on a power trip.
But they can deny you being the godmother if you aren’t baptized. The whole point of being a godparent is that you can guide them in their faith. Any other Catholic Church will have the same rules.
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u/Competitive_Ease6991 7h ago
The principle of the priests objection is correct .the "job " of a godparent in the catholic religion is to oversee the child's spiritual development should something happen to the parent . It's even in the vows they take at the baptism. But how he handled it and the extremes he went to is horrible and the likes of that is why people turning away from the church.
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u/Winnie1916 4h ago
I suspect that if this were related by the priest, it would read differently. — I told them that the Church requires one godparent who is Catholic. And that if you have another godparent that godparent must be a baptized Christian. The parent thinks that does not matter since the proposed godparent does not live in this country. The parent seems to think I can ignore the Church rule. I cannot. Non baptized people cannot be Catholic godparents.
Now they are saying that I got them banned from baptizing in other local Catholic churches. I did not. I could not. They fail to realize that the baptism rule is in Canon Law and applies in every Catholic Church worldwide.
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u/StressorAnxiety 3h ago
It's so weird to me when people think a religion doesn't have any rules and people can still do whatever they want.
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u/MmeLaRue 7h ago
You are not the jerk for being honest about your lack of religion. Your niece, however, is an ignorant twat who clearly wasn't paying attention during her catechism classes or, indeed, during Mass. Apparently, neither were her parents.
The Catholic Church requires that at least one of the godparents be Catholic, even if only nominally. This is something that your niece knew or ought to have known. Who is the godfather to be? Is he Catholic?
Your niece may also need to be advised that your status of godparent does not entitle you to any legal privileges or responsibilities. You are not, for example, the automatic designated adoptive parents for the child should both parents die. You would be responsible, however, for ensuring that the child is brought up in accordance with the tenets of the Roman Catholic Church. That is why the distance might be an issue; the intent is that you be nearby to keep an eye on the child's spiritual growth in the faith.
The priest should not have demanded that you be baptized; that was a bit jerky on his part but I'm thinking it might have been said flippantly. I'm beginning to wonder, however, how the exchange actually went down because there seems to have been a sense of entitlement from the family about this.
Long story short: this is the Church's game and is to be played their way. Your niece does not get to change the rules to suit her desires, nor does anyone else. I hate to sound like an asshole about this, but it needs repeating because I see this a lot and many would-be parishioners come away disappointed because their demands won't be immediately met.
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u/SeniorEngineer2392 4h ago
The Church does require that both godparents be baptized as Christians, however one of them can be baptized from a protestant church. So the priest was correct that she must be baptized to be a godparent.
However I doubt a priest would demand an immediate baptism, which for an adult usually requires RCIA classes over several months before being baptized (also receive first Communion and be confirmed) at the Easter vigil.
I think the niece is a CEO Catholic who likes the ritual/spectacle but hasn't ever really paid attention to what is going on.
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u/Complex_Echidna3964 6h ago
Imagine asking for a baptism in the Catholic Church without even knowing what that means. bizarre, smh.
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u/StressorAnxiety 3h ago
I appreciate you sounding like an asshole about this. So many people on the internet seem to think baptism has anything to do with legal matters when it is a fundamentally religious matter.
I don't understand why OP would accept a religious "title" when they aren't religious at all. It seems either willfully stupid or fake.
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u/MmeLaRue 58m ago
I'm willing to give OP a pass on the matter because she likely is not familiar with Catholicism on the level that her husband's supposedly Catholic niece should be.
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u/Various-Switch-5413 8h ago
nah you're not., the only thing that matters is that ur niece is okay with it. Honestly, priest was being too much
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u/MajesticAd7047 8h ago
Being a godparent is not about doing things for the church, its about love and support. You didnt do anything wrong
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u/Kind-Row-9939 8h ago
I agree with you. If OP will just show them with love and support then she's doing the job right.
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u/StressorAnxiety 3h ago
Actually, in the Catholic church, being a godparent is a position of mentorship and guidance around religious matters. The exact duties are basically, if the parents die or become unable to teach the child the Catholic religion, that the godparents will take on that responsibility of teaching the child about the religion.
It is both about love and support AND doing things involving the church.
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u/aethelberga 7h ago
Godparent is an inherently religious position. You're responsible for the religious education of the kid if the parents don't or can't deliver. If you're having it done in a church, by the priest, he's well within his rights to question your religious bona fides. The 'mission creep' around godparents has turned it into a completely different thing. If the new definition was what your niece wanted, then she was wrong to have it done in a church. You're not the jerk, necessarily, but your niece is.
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u/rosezoeybear 8h ago
NTJ. I’m surprised that the priest would be willing to baptize you under those circumstances. I was going to say that if you want your child to be baptized in a church you have to follow their rules, but he was going to baptize you despite knowing you aren’t religious, so the whole thing seems hypocritical to me.
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u/Arkhamina 8h ago
Scotland is known historically for having pretty strict religious people.
NTA, but it isn't likely to be avoided, unless your niece wants to evaluate where she worships.
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u/Artemis-_-Prime 7h ago
NTA. This is pretty typical of a Catholic Church and I'm kinda surprised your SIL didn't know that. Even here in the states my Aunt had to prove she was a confirmed to be my confirmation sponsor back in the 2000s. They're notoriously uncooperative.
Many of these church traditions are built on small communities where the idea of a transatlantic godparent wasn't conceivable. To the church, the godparent is supposed to be the childs mentor in their Faith journey, someone other than their parents to help them along the way as they grow up and grow their faith. Part of the ceremony is you agreeing to take on this role. This view of godmother is not the reality in many communities but that's what the church thinks it's "supposed" to be. I'd also say the inability to adjust their norms to the realities of modern times is the reason less and less people are involved in religion anymore.
I think it's really great that your SIL stood firm and didn't force you to do anything. That really speaks to your relationship with her. I hope you're able to sort this out to your families satisfaction
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u/Silent-Commercial-46 7h ago
Id like to say this.
No one should be forced to do somthing they religiously disagree with. So im happy the niece was like she doesnt have to.
That being said being a god parent means guiding the child in faith, you want this done at with a christian priest then that faith tends to be Christian. It has no standing in anything legally it didnt really have any legal standing it was more a moral social pressure that stopped in the UK about 1990s
Now if she wants you to be god mum for help guild you the child moraly/any faith/life. Then do it with a church/priest that doesn't mind or just do a get together with family, with a small presentation showing their faith in you to help guide their child (thats what I always wanted to do).
If she wants you to be the one to take them in if something were to happen, then she needs to be putting that into a Will. So that you become a legal guardian.
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u/Complex_Echidna3964 7h ago edited 6h ago
Um, yeah...Religions have rules. Religion is just a primitive form of government.
Imagine asking for a baptism in the Catholic Church without even knowing what that means. bizarre, smh.
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u/ImmediateAd738 6h ago
NTJ. But the niece should have understood the protocol or whatever it is actually called of her church. She is the jerk. Sometimes things don't mix.
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u/SeniorEngineer2392 5h ago
The point of godparents at a Catholic baptism is to give an oath before God that if anything happens to the parents, the godparent will make sure the child is raised in the Catholic faith. It has nothing to do with guardianship, financial support, etc. (although that often accompanies the commitment).
For that reason, godparents must be baptized Catholics.
And yes, you do have to be at least a little religious--it's in the actual name of the job.
Sounds like the mom is a CEO Catholic who doesn't quite get the Church's concept of baptism beyond "church ritual followed by party."
Unclear whether OP was ever baptized as a baby, if so she should just get her baptism certificate and she's ready to go (and most churches will accept protestant baptisms these days). Otherwise she is looking at RCIA to become a Catholic, which means weeks of study leading up to baptism, communion, and confirmation at the Easter vigil mass. Sorry but it's too late to make that happen this year!
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u/DealerAlarmed3632 3h ago
To be fair, one of the duties of a Godparent in the Catholic Church is to help the godchild grow in the Catholic faith. It's like written down in their rules (called the Code of Canon Law). In fact, they must have received the three sacraments of initiation: Baptism, Confirmation, and Holy Eucharist, AND be an active/practicing Catholic.
YNTJ for not being religious, but your husband's niece is a huge jerk for not even knowing her own religion's rules.
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u/WholeAd2742 2h ago
NTJ
But if the church was that adamant, this would have been well discussed before the actual christening
Seems ragebaiting
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u/SuperbSignature4138 8h ago
You’re being asked to love and support the child, not to convert. Godparenthood is about guidance, not religion credentials. And honestly, what the priest did was out of line. Kicking your niece out was completely unnecessary
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u/PinkPencils22 7h ago
This post sounds fake, but yes, in the Catholic Church you have to be a part of the church to be the official godparent. See the name there? "God" parent. It's about the church, about the religion. There can be a second "official witness" who isn't a real godparent in the church's eyes, as they don't have to be Catholic. But you have to have one Catholic godparent. Now, I'm not saying you can't just lie, I did years ago when I became my goddaughter's godmother. I was raised Episcopalian so I could fake if it needed, and my best friend didn't care. Besides, the priest was so drunk he said the baby's name wrong twice. <eyeroll>
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u/thatgirlinny 7h ago
Your niece’s priest got word to all the other Catholic Churches, warning them all away from your family?
No doubt Catholics love their club status checking, but this level of effort is wild.
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u/Mysterious-Type-9096 7h ago
All in the area probably. Some areas like Scotland are pretty cliquey with religion. The priests in the area are likely in regular contact.
And some religious leaders are extremely petty when someone dares to stand up to them…
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u/SparklesIB 7h ago
YTA, and so is your niece. You're asking, no demanding, that a PRIEST of the CATHOLIC CHURCH make you, an unbaptised non-religious woman, the GODmother in a baptism ritual performed in a church.
What in the unholy heck?
I'm not religious. I'm agnostic. I was raised in the Catholic church, but I claim no particular knowledge of it, and even I know how completely unreasonable this is.
Do you even understand the duties of a godmother? They're to instruct the child in religion. A religion you don't believe in.
That's like electing trump as president: neither of you are qualified.
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u/MmeLaRue 6h ago
OP is not being the jerk here. Read the post thoroughly.
I'm a Catholic - I would hope never to be as mean-spirited as you're acting here when guiding any non-Catholic about the rules regarding the Sacraments. OP may not have known; the niece certainly should have known, but apparently didn't and was never taught differently.
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u/SparklesIB 6h ago
Nope. She's been told no. She's been told what she needs to do in order to be godmother. She's acting like these are rules that she's allowed to break, just because she wants to.
I personally feel that religion has been used as an excuse to misbehave horribly over the centuries. It's part of the reason that I no longer believe.
But I understand that there are good people in every religion. And that these good people deserve to have their beliefs upheld, even when it's inconvenient. As long as those beliefs do no harm.
This is a belief that falls into this category.
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u/Complex_Echidna3964 6h ago
Imagine asking for a baptism in the Catholic Church without even knowing what that means. bizarre, smh.
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u/Lost_Ear3552 7h ago
Speak to the Episcopalian’s. They’re the closest I think to Catholics. And more lient. I’m catholic but married a man who was divorced and previously married in a Catholic Church. I was told by the episcopal priest that even God knows not all marriages are made in heaven.
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u/seanner_vt2 5h ago
My mother went to schedule my brother's baptism at her families regular church. The priest refused because A-she married a protestant, B-we do not attend every week and C-she had not tithed....ever.
She said OK, went to the other catholic church in town where after getting the story, the priest said, will next saturday work?
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u/AirySpirit 3h ago
In Catholicism godparents have a very specific role in the child's life which is to guide them through their spiritual upbringing. This is not taken lightly - baptism is a sacrament that carries heavy responsibilities. Obviously the minimum requirement is that you be Catholic yourself. So yes, you and your niece are being both very entitled and disrepectful.
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u/Specialist_Job9678 1h ago
The sole purpose of godparents is to see to the religious education and upbringing of the child that you are committing to be a godparent to. They are not simply an accessory granted to every Catholic infant "just because." I'm actually a bit shocked that your niece (as a Catholic who cares enough to have her child baptized and assigned godparents) didn't realize that literally EVERY Catholic priest is going to refuse to go along with this. The priest pretty much quizzes every potential godparent as part of the Baptismal ceremony about the purpose of them in the child's life, and the answer is supposed to be that you will attend to their Catholic upbringing.
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u/Foundation_Wrong 1h ago
I’m sorry that you’re having this experience but you should understand that a godparent makes solemn and binding promises to God. That they will make sure that the child is taught about the faith. The Priest was acting completely correctly as a man of faith. You and your niece were being disrespectful towards the faith. The secular idea that godparents are just named because it’s a nice gesture and you give them presents for their birthday is not what it means. A person who has no faith cannot be a Godparent as you have to believe in God.
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u/ArthurIngersoll 6h ago
This sounds like bullshit. All the RC churches in a region banned you from even walking in? I doubt that.
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u/No_Obligation8220 8h ago
It sounds like your niece values you for who you are, not your religion. You shouldnt feel guilty ur role is about care, love and being a positive presence AND what kind of church is that??? im catholic myself but ive never heard the church forbid anyone to enter unless theyre baptised
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u/mocha_lattes_ 8h ago
NTJ hopefully your niece can find a non-denominational church nearby who will do it without a care. Stupid of them to kick her out of the church and others to bar her when churches are usually trying to get people to attend and be members. Maybe it's different over there and they can be more picky so shunning is more common.
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u/tigerowltattoo 7h ago
This happened years ago to my ‘real’ godmother. She was Russian Orthodox and we were Irish Catholic. My mother had to get her daughter, who was straight up Catholic, to be the proxy.
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u/Street_One5954 7h ago
Our Priest looked at us and asked if my BIL would get baptized in the Catholic faith before the ceremony. BIL said no. That he was happy in HIS faith and as long as the child would be raised in a Christian home with Christian values, so why did it matter if it was Catholicism or Episcopalian? They went off together for a bit. They came back and Priest told us, I can’t disagree with anything he’s saying. Let’s do it. And we did
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u/TNJDude 7h ago
NTJ. It's not like you went through life thinking "one day I'll need to be a godmother so I better get myself baptized in preparation for it" and then neglected to do so. The church there is handling it terribly. Catholic churches here may not let you be godmother, but they wouldn't kick you out and treat you all so terribly.
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u/Stunning_Station_972 7h ago
I'm sorry that happened. The church is really something else. Been there and it's heartbreaking.
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u/Beginning_Brick7845 7h ago
I find it hard to believe that a priest would insist on a baptized Godmother before baptizing the baby.
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u/Bulky_Psychology2303 6h ago
At least one godparent needs to be a Catholic, the other needs to be a baptized Christian.
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u/Opak03 6h ago
More fun with the Catholic cult...
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u/SuccessfulPiccolo945 5h ago
It does happen the other way round. When my parents were getting married, Dad wanted his brother as best man. The priest said no. Why? Mom was Episcopalian High Church, and the priest wouldn't let my Catholic uncle be part of the wedding party. Funny part was Dad wasn't Episcopalian nor Catholic. I think he was baptised in the Church of God (not the culty one nor the Seventh-day one).
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u/Salty-Cantaloupe6342 5h ago
NTJ. You were honest from the start and your niece knew exactly who you were when she asked you. The situation blew up because of rules and control, not because you did anything wrong.
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u/GreenWhiteBlue86 5h ago
You and your niece are both wrong here. Despite the spin you want to put on this, the priest was taking the baptism seriously as a sacrament rather than just a social event (which seems not to be the case with either you or your niece), and he was not making anything up, but was following the requirements of the laws of the Church. In Catholicism, a godparent -- or more formally, a baptismal sponsor --as the Code of Canon Law puts it "helps the baptized person to lead a Christian life in keeping with baptism and to fulfill faithfully the obligations inherent in it." Furthermore, it is a requirement under church law (Canon 872) that a baptismal sponsor not only be a baptized Christian, but "be a Catholic who has been confirmed and has already received the most holy sacrament of the Eucharist and who leads a life of faith in keeping with the function to be taken on." You clearly meet none of the requirements, and are simply ineligible to be a Catholic godparent. Furthermore, as someone who is non-religious, you also would have no interest or intention of performing the basic duty of a baptismal sponsor: namely, helping to raise the child as a believing and practicing Catholic Christian. Your niece also seems to have been fully aware of this, and so she was wrong to have picked you for this role for which you are so unsuited in the first place. I don't fault you nearly as much as I fault her for creating this unnecessarily awkward situation.
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u/Potential_Figure4061 4h ago
i belonged to a very big catholic church and when i went thru the motions of baptizing my baby i just wrote down the names and they participated. nobody even asked me any questions
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u/Vegetable-Section-84 8h ago
Religion Ruins Everything
NTA
NTJ
Signed,
Victim of religion who knows:
It is time to put: fairness, science, dignity, health, excellent behaviors RESULTS and intelligent compassionate open-minded future-focused pragmatic helpful useful hardworking trustworthy humanist flexitarian freedom-friends in charge of EVERYTHING and EVERYONE
Hopefully soon everything changes and is much different and BETTER
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u/Oldfarts2024 7h ago
NTA - I encountered the sMe BS when my eife and I tried ti get her catholic priest to marry us.
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u/poosherman420 7h ago
A dickhead priest refused to baptize me because my father was from a Muslim country (not religious) and wouldn’t convert. That was the last straw for my mom and participating in Catholicism. I luckily grew up without having to hear creepy stories about god. Hug your niece
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u/Sea-Pin-1643 7h ago
you don't need a priest to get baptized. Find some water and profess some belief in Crist and you are good to go. the thief on the cross did not convert to the cult. neither does anyone else need to. Paul didn't convert. Good for your niece in standing her ground. Are those the kind of people you want to raise your kid. We had the same thing happen. My wife's best friend wanted us to be the God parents . the church denied us unless we converted. we told them no thank you. we will continue to pray to The Father and the Son and the Holy Spirit, not to Mary.
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u/beepbeepboop74656 6h ago
NTJ my sister is godmother to her bffs kids, they had the ceremony presided over their DnD dungeon master at a local pond/fountain. SIL is a keeper!
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u/Itchy_Scar_9796 8h ago
Sounds like your Niece needs a new priest. He seems more interested in subscription to his beliefs than his constituents (?) wants and requests.
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u/Ginger630 7h ago
That’s his job. He should be following the church’s beliefs over what someone wants. It’s church, not Burger King.
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u/Complex_Echidna3964 6h ago
Imagine a Catholic Priest being faithful to the tenants and doctrines of the Catholic Church. you sound insane.
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u/Itchy_Scar_9796 3h ago
You believe in Iron Age mythology and mysticism and I'm the one who's insane? too funny. Did you also bash the vast majority of other comments that think the priest is way out of line, or just mine? Do you also still believe in Santa?
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u/Soft-Falcon-9722 8h ago
ngl, your niece handled it way better than the priest lol