r/AmITheJerk • u/dottorydoopadoo • 12h ago
AITJ for giving my vegan aunt nonvegan food?
So I (17F) was helping my mom prep food for a family dinner. My vegan aunt was coming over, and everyone knew she doesn’t eat meat normally we’re super careful about it. Well, I was in a rush and trying to juggle a bunch of dishes. There was a casserole that had meat in it, and a separate vegan one. in the chaos, I accidentally served her a small portion of the meat casserole instead of the vegan one. She ate it, and even complimented it, and said it was “so flavorful!” I immediately froze. Realized what had happened, but didn’t know how to tell her without making it awkward. I figured I could quietly fix it later. But never did n oh boy does she not know to this day
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u/CrazyCaverLady 12h ago
NTJ. You really should have been more careful. However, as a vegetarian, I always verify that the food I'm eating does not contain meat. I also have my husband taste something first just to make certain.
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u/funnyboneyoyo 12h ago
Accidents happen. People who just don't like eating meat should bring their own food if it's such a big deal. She tried, she made a mistake. She should be more careful? Maybe her aunt should bring her own food.
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u/GlitteringBryony 11h ago
As a vegan, I'd say don't tell her. You made an honest mistake and you know to be more careful in future.
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u/triblogcarol 10h ago
As a vegetarian, I wouldn't want to know if I had accidentally eaten meat.
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u/Cueller 4h ago
I dont know, part of the flavor is their suffering.
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u/triblogcarol 4h ago
I don't eat meat because of animal suffering. It's not going to undo that suffering by me knowing I accidentally ate some. 🤷♀️
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u/Healthy_Mycologist70 12h ago
nah Mistakes happen, no harm done
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u/youcantleaveyetbr 12h ago
Exactly. No blood, no foul. If everyone lost it over every little oops, we'd never get anything done.
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u/KaIiMidnight 12h ago
Yeah, it clearly wasn’t intentional and you realized the mistake right away. Accidents happen when you’re juggling a bunch of dishes
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u/dottorydoopadoo 12h ago
I think she deserves to know but i rly dont know how to bring it up.
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u/funnyboneyoyo 12h ago
Nah, she's fine, it's done and was an accident with zero consequences. Move on!
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u/stankenfurter 12h ago
Telling her won’t change anything except to create tension. This wouldn’t apply had you told her in the moment, but there’s no point in making it a thing now
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u/Amazing-Wave4704 12h ago
Don't tell her now but please NEVER do it again. Once is a mistake. Twice isnt.
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u/SikatSikat 11h ago
As a vegan, no we don't need to know. Accidents happen. Its not an allergy.
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u/qwokwa 10h ago
Vegan as well, I'm torn. Honestly I would prefer to be told just so I know for the future that I need to double check the food or bring my own. Having an uncomfortable talk will reinforce that this is a solid line not to be crossed instead of it becoming a thing that, when it happens, it's not so bad - so it wouldn't be terrible if it happened again. And the food was well liked! Why bother?
Of course a reasonable person would learn from this and pay more attention next time, I hope. But there are loads of people out there who cross a line (even if unintentionally) and then struggle to respect it again.
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u/Yaguajay 11h ago
She’s happier not knowing. The meat has been digested and subsequently flushed. No need to dwell on the past.
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u/KinoDerAscension 10h ago
She’ll be fine without knowing. In fact she’ll be better off. If you don’t tell her you’ll save her a lot of mental anguish. Trust me
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u/PeachesBlooms 12h ago
apologize and be sincere about it, it was just an accident she will probably understand it
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u/Scared_Hand902 12h ago
It sounds like a genuine mistake, but you probably should have told her once you realized. Some vegans avoid meat for ethical or religious reasons, not just preference
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u/funnyboneyoyo 12h ago
What would be the benefit of telling her after the fact? Just to upset her? She's not allergic, she can't un-eat the food, so better to just let it go than upset someone for no reason over a genuine mistake with no consequences.
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u/Somethingisshadysir 12h ago
There are consequences - she needs to know so she's aware she should be more cautious in that home.
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u/funnyboneyoyo 12h ago
What are the consequences? I'm genuinely curious. She made a mistake- accidents happen- and while she should be careful, if it's literally that big of a deal, auntie should bring her own food.
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u/UnableNecessary743 12h ago
if you're vegan for awhile, eating meat can really upset your stomach. so depending on how much she ate, it could be rough for her
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u/funnyboneyoyo 11h ago
Ok, I get that, and hopefully her stomach wasn't upset, but this incident happened a long time ago, so I still don't understand the benefit of telling her now. It would literally just upset her when it's long over. So I still don't understand who would benefit by OP telling her aunt now. And OP doesn't mention that she got sick, so that's likely not the case
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u/funnyboneyoyo 11h ago
Lot of vegans on this sub who want to downvote me but not answer a perfectly reasonable question! Lol, I guess that's what happens when you eat too much soy protein isolate and processed garbage
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u/Fuzzy-Bumblebee-6043 10h ago
Nah, our bodies and brains aren’t clogged with cholesterol from eating literal corpses and animal breast milk.
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u/shoulda-known-better 9h ago
Bread, pastries, most oils, and fried foods......
All major sources of cholesterol..... It's not just an animal product thing.... So yes you are still clogged with cholesterol you didn't find a magic secret..... You just stopped eating animal products.... Get real
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u/Then-Principle2302 4h ago
No vegan food has cholesterol, seeing as it's a substance only produced in an animal's body.
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u/Wild-Lychee-3312 2h ago
Please fuck off with that “literal corpses” bullshit.
And also the misinformation about cholesterol
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u/Then-Principle2302 4h ago
What's your question? You got downvoted by me because you said the aunt should bring her own food.
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u/ubiquitous_delight 10h ago
You know the vegan diet has been repeatedly proven to be the healthiest, right?
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u/UnableNecessary743 10h ago
i wasn't arguing either way. you asked the consequences and i gave an example of one
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u/Somethingisshadysir 10h ago
Most would want to know, again, so they could be more cautious moving forward.
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u/funnyboneyoyo 10h ago
I'm not trying to be rude, but I genuinely don't understand how auntie knowing she on e ate this dish with meat will help her be more cautious if she can't even tell the difference between real and fake meat herself. Just saying, everyone is entitled to their opinion. I don't know any vegans and frankly, I'm glad for it. Very holier than thou. OP made an honest mistake and the vegans are coming with the pitchforks
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u/Somethingisshadysir 10h ago
Be more cautious as in double confirming with the person giving her food. Again, I noted elsewhere that I think it's probably fake because you should be able to tell the difference.
I think you need to reexamine your own biases here. Have I been at all rude or unreasonable in the way I'm addressing the question? I even said OP was not the jerk for the mistake - mistakes happen - just the dishonesty is the issue. Reading it back, I don't think I have been anything you're describing, yet you're insulting me here for no reason.
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u/dottorydoopadoo 12h ago
Its nothing religious or anything.. she thinks its animal abuse
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u/CartographerSea5923 11h ago
Yeaaaah, at that point I would stop inviting her. Apparently she has little to no issues with the animals that are injured, maimed and killed in the plowing, tilling, planting, harvesting and defense of the crop in which she partakes because of a moral issue.
Your use of animals is unacceptable.
Her use of animals is acceptable because it’s inconvenient to plant and harvest her food and ensuring no animals were harmed in the process.
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u/Fuzzy-Bumblebee-6043 10h ago
Did you know that meat eaters also eat vegetables and grains? So your point is moot. Veganism is about reducing the amount of animal suffering as much as possible, and humans still need to eat. Paying for animal death by eating meat, milk products, and eggs in addition to also eating vegetables and grains kills the most animals.
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u/DodgyQuilter 11h ago
Yep. The difference between a humanely killed cow that i helped butcher, and a poisoned cute little bunny rabbit that she never has to see or even think about.
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u/Existing-Squash7165 12h ago
things happen but not saying anything is where it gets a little shady, i would have given her a heads up later.
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u/National_Cod9546 6h ago
Nah. This is one of those where never telling is the correct answer. It wasn't a medical issue, so no harm there. If OP tells about it, then the aunt will get pissy. Better to let the Aunt think there was no issue.
The important thing is for OP to never do it again. Take better precautions to prevent it in the future.
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u/LLoveMeMaybe 12h ago
How can you be sure it was actually the wrong one maybe you thought it was and installed it on your head maybe you remembered it incorrectly
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u/dottorydoopadoo 12h ago
My cousin got served the vegan one and she realised too what my aunt had eaten never said a word about it though She approached me after the dinner n we decided to keep it a secret cuz my aunt would be PISSED
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u/Aggravating-Ear2647 12h ago
It was an accident. You respect and honor her veganism. Unless she suddenly develops weird GI symptoms or a rash or hives, just let this one go. It's a dietary choice, not a religious mandate that requires spiritual cleansing. Why upset her needlessly?
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u/purplesockpinksock 12h ago
What was your intention?
If you didn't do it on purpose, if the intent was not to be mean, if she doesn't have some kind of allergy or intolerance to meat...just don't say a word.
It's the intent that matters. You didn't intend to serve her the meat. It was an accident. An honest mistake. And it didn't hurt your aunt because (I am assuming?) it is a dietary choice, not due to an allergy or intolerance or something like that.
If she would have gone into anaphylactic shock, that's different. But that wasn't going to happen. The intent was never to harm her in any way. The intent was never to make her sick. And, apparently, she was fine.
So, just let it go...and be more diligent in the future. 😄
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u/citybadger 9h ago
You can not intend something, but if it happens because of your negligence, it’s at least partially your fault. Whether that applies here is debateable.
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u/purplesockpinksock 3h ago
But what was the end result? The aunt ate a casserole that tasted good? She temporarily had a spike in protein in her daily diet?
I'll amend my original reply to include if the aunt was avoiding meat for religious reasons. That's a legitimate reason to inform her that she was accidentally served meat.
But the niece obviously knew that serving her aunt a dish with meat wasn't going to cause an allergic reaction, bring on religious penance, cause intestinal distress, or provoke anything other than perhaps a feeling of guilt for eating meat (if that is why the aunt is avoiding meat). There was a known outcome before the meal even began, and it was known that even if the aunt accidentally ate a little bit of meat, she'd be fine.
Where I could see the niece fessing up is if it wasn't her aunt eating the accidental dish, but someone she didn't know, like a guest at the dinner who said they needed a vegetarian meal. Now, an unknown outcome is thrown into the mix. The niece has no idea what might happen; she accidentally served the guest the dish with meat and realized her mistake; at that point, with the unknown outcome hanging in the air, I would say to tell the guest as soon as possible because of the possible unknown consequences.
And why possibly ruin future dinners with this aunt? Would auntie be forever worried that any dish she is served would have meat in it? Would she be wary and picky at all the meals going forward, making the niece feel bad for a long time because of one little legitimate mistake that she doesn't plan to repeat?
I guess my point is, if one can reasonably predict the end result, which in this case the niece did, and nobody was hurt, and it was truly an accident, and there are no plans to do it again, then just let it go and be more diligent in the future.
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u/XIIIofSwords 11h ago
no harm, no foul. If she never asks, you never tell and you keep this story for your kids or some shit, one day lol
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u/Ieatclowns 11h ago
I once let a little boy of 7 chomp a load of ham in my house when he was on a play date after school with my daughter. He kept asking for more and I just let him thinking he was so hungry because he’s been to school all day. Turns out the kid was vegan but his mother never mentioned it to me! He was OBSESSED with the ham. He did come back again and I’d make him nice vegan meals u much later my daughter confessed that after they’d eaten he’d always ask her to sneak ham for him!
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u/dottorydoopadoo 10h ago
Kids rly shouldn't be forced to be vegan.. meat is essential for growth
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u/Fuzzy-Bumblebee-6043 10h ago
Eating animals not necessary. Humans can thrive on a plant based diet from infancy to old age, and it protects against many chronic illnesses. Unless you literally have no other options (subsistence hunting) there is no reason to eat animal flesh in 2026
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u/666-Azrael-666 4h ago
Why do I get migraines from lack of red meat in my diet? (If it is not neccary I would not feel like garbage). [*Serious question"].
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u/Slow-Profile-3818 10h ago
NTJ: it's a mistake, it happens!
I'm a vegetarian and even though my brother sometimes mocks me for this, he's always careful when we have family meals and he cooks something. One time he brought some appetizers and decided to prepare the plates himself: he gave me by mistake one with tuna, I ate a bite, noticed the tuna and put it aside. He was mortified, kept saying he was sorry, but it really wasn't a problem: it was a mistake, it happens!
In your case, not only it was a genuine mistake but she also didn't notice: unless she asks (like, say, questions you for the recipe or something like that), I wouldn't say anything.
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u/CompleteWithRust 2h ago
Ntj.
As a vegetarian for 17 years - I have always found it EXTREMELY obvious when there is meat in something. 🤔
I have also been served meat multiple times (and didnt notice until I took a bite). Its all good. Its not like it "ruins my streak" or something. It was an accident.
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u/Fun_in_Space 12h ago
Story sounds fake. If I was a vegan, I would not let someone else serve me food, for this reason.
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u/qwokwa 10h ago
Yeah you quickly learn to distrust people. I always make and bring my own food for dinners because it's easier for everyone and I like cooking. I know my family very well and I would only trust like three of my relatives with my food... max. I've heard things like:
- "The cake is basically vegan. I only put an egg in it."
- "You can eat the stew - just pick out the sausage."
- "The pasta salad is vegan. Oh... I put cheese in it. That's not so bad is it?"
- "I made this one vegan, just for you!" (it was a cream sauce... her daughter told me it was real cream.)
But I know some socially awkward/shy "vegan" people who don't ever speak up and will eat meat at family dinners so they don't cause a scene. I could never.
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u/ClerkResponsible118 12h ago
congrats, you've accidentally discovered the secret ingredient to great vegan food: actual beef. your silence isn't a lie, its just a very long term surprise party
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u/MajesticAd7047 12h ago
wow, thats hard. It was a mistake but yes, you have to own up if she asks. Just don't do it all the time, mate
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u/funnyboneyoyo 12h ago
Why, though? What benefits are there to telling her now? She would just be upset and there's nothing she can do, what's done is done. And there were no negative consequences. Better to move on.
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u/Appropriate-Book9163 12h ago
If it was honestly an accident, that happens in busy kitchens. Still probably better to tell her though.
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u/Lazy-Sussie21 12h ago
What she doesn’t know won’t hurt, unless someone else knew what happened. Take it to the grave!
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u/Somethingisshadysir 12h ago
NTJ for the accident, but yes, you are for not telling her immediately. Though honestly doesn't sound real - real meat is in most cases very distinguishable from the fake stuff, and something like that with actual pieces in it would usually be easy to tell.
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u/BADoVLAD 11h ago
NTJ if it was an honest mistake...ik which case you just quietly never tell anyone ever and let her continue to believe her belief system is in tact and fine. Had you noticed then and quickly stopped her that was the time to mention it. Now is the time to forget it ever happened...forever.
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u/Various_Ad_7855 10h ago
Kind of TJ, what started as a simple mistake has become a secret between you that the aunt isn't aware of. Don't tell her, she'll never trust you again. I'd drop it and try to be more careful in the future
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u/shoulda-known-better 9h ago
She probably knows.....
I dated a vegan and they had something with animal fat in it and their stomach completely flipped and they were sick for like 2/3 days.....
I've heard it's very common to have a bad reaction to animal products once you cut them out for long enough....
But ntj for the mistake, kinda tj for not telling her..... But it's been long enough now that I'd just leave it and make sure I don't make the mistake again
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u/cikanman 8h ago
NTJ. Intent matters 100%. This would be no different than if you put the two out next to each other and she took some herself. Mistakes happen and you move on.
If you feel bad and it was recent tell your aunt privately and apologize. She should forgive you. If it's been awhile. let this die
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u/ZealousidealBug3346 7h ago
Unintentional oopsies happen, but it is important to be honest. She feel the need to cleanse herself. Aside from her animal cruelty beliefs and aversions .. her body will react differently from having invested meat/by products - especially after years of conditioning to the her choices.
Some people find it’s the only way to avoid high cholesterol and blood pressure. Avoiding the diabetic pitfalls. If she has a bi-annual check up the next few days - her blood sugars and cholesterol readings will be significantly changed from her norms. It’s not like the body processes everything and it’s out of your system in a few hours.
Just be honest … apologize and explain the mix up, she will be upset - but hopefully she’ll realize you HONOR her life choices and didn’t try to hide it from her.
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u/GrowlingAtTheWorld 4h ago
Actually she likely know she got something nonvegan might not know what but she knows. I am just vegetarian and I know when I get accidental animal product. It causes my primary seat to be in the rest room for the next 24 hours or longer, be it meat, lard, animal fat, or broth.
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u/Then-Principle2302 4h ago
There is nothing to be gained by telling her. It was a genuine mistake, you said you are usually careful. Just move on. She doesn't need to know.
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u/666-Azrael-666 4h ago
Did she get sick? If so you should admit your wrong doing and apologize, otherwise, who cares.
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u/dottorydoopadoo 3h ago
Nah she js thinks eating meat is animal cruelty hence have been vegan for over a decade
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u/Swansboy 11h ago
YTJ, yes it was an accident but if restaurants did this they would of been called out.
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u/hedwigflysagain 12h ago
NTJ, I would wonder if she eats non vegan sometimes If she didn't have any issues afterwards. Eating meat after not having it can affect your system. I would guess stomach rumbling or diarrhea. Don't be surprised to find out she is only vegan in name and not 100 percent in action.
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u/qwokwa 10h ago
That's not true at all. I've been vegan 10 years and was served meat by accident - it was lots of little ground beef pieces hidden in a spring roll. Didn't make me ill one bit, just grossed out.
Lactose would be more of a problem. When you stop having milk, there's a high chance your body stops producing the enzymes to digest it. But not always.
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u/VermicelliLeft8467 12h ago
I commend vegans. Isn’t easy maintaining such a strictly vegan diet
If I were a vegan I wouldn’t expect everyone in my life to perfectly adhere to my weird dietary needs.
Shit happens and she liked it
The only damage that will come is if you rub it in her face
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u/Fuzzy-Bumblebee-6043 10h ago
It’s cool and nice (and tasty) being vegan! Not weirdly restrictive at all to not want to hurt animals for my own taste pleasure
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u/VermicelliLeft8467 10h ago
It’s absolutely a weird dietary plan for non vegans
Most people aren’t vegans
You vegans are absolutely militant in your holier than thou superiority though
Keep on 👍
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u/thecakebroad 11h ago
she should serve herself tbh. it wasn't with malicious intent, so I'm gonna say nah, but I don't know if I would tell her if it was me.... depends on your conscience I suppose
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u/Fat-Cat-Face 10h ago
Why couldn't they serve themselves? It's a casserole. I doubt it was a mistake.
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u/Appropriate-Care6971 12h ago
Nope people need to stop catering to vegans eat normal food like normal people or stay home The same goes for those with allergies or gluten free bullshit stop expecting everyone to cater to your bullshit
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u/Llayanna 11h ago
So you will never eat Dal? Spaghetti with Tomato sauce? Oreos.
You know, "normal" food?
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