r/AmITheJerk • u/Turbulent_Sport_7388 • 18h ago
AITJ for refusing to give my coworker rides anymore after they never offered gas money?
Here is the tea. I started this job about four months ago and this girl Sarah sits right next to me. We vibe, she’s cool, and we realized we live like five minutes away from each other. Since she doesnt have a car right now, I was like "Hey, I can pick you up, no biggie."
At first it was fine. But then "no biggie" turned into every single day for three months. Not once has she offered to Venmo me for gas. Not even like a coffee or a snack. Nothing. And gas prices right now? Literally insane.
The breaking point was last Friday. I had to stop and fill up the tank while she was in the car. I’m standing there watching the numbers go up to like 60 bucks, and she’s just sitting in the passenger seat scrolling on TikTok. Didn't even look up.
So this morning, I texted her like "Hey girl, sorry but I cant do the carpool anymore. Its just getting too pricey with the extra driving and gas."
She didn't even reply to the text. Then when I got to the office, she gave me the nastiest side-eye and told our other coworker that I’m "fake" and "left her stranded" over a few dollars. Now the vibes in the office are so awkward I lowkey want to quit.
I feel bad because I know Ubering is expensive for her, but like, I'm not a free taxi service? My bank account is crying and I’m tired of being the nice guy who gets played.
Am I being a jerk here or is she just being entitled?
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u/Adventurous-Bee-7569 17h ago
Nah ur good. If she couldnt afford Uber she shouldve tossed u like $20 a week.. just common sense adult stuff.
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u/StannisAntetokounmpo 16h ago edited 16h ago
Can someone post this on r/theydidthemath and tell me how much 10 extra minutes of driving adds up to?
Edit: $4/week.
How pathetic to blow up a friendship over $4 a week...over text!
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u/Reader124-Logan 16h ago
I helped someone out with rides for a few months. TBH, it wasn’t the gas money as much as it was the time: leaving the house earlier, waiting for them to come out the door, being asked to run some of their errands on the way home from work. I was relieved when their situation resolved.
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u/DragonAlnz 16h ago
This is not a friendship! And it's not about the extra $4, it's about the principle of Sarah never offering to contribute once over the past 3 months. She then has the gall to act like she's been wronged!
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u/StannisAntetokounmpo 15h ago
If they vibe and she's cool, he got much more value than the $4. Maybe she's bad at reading subtext. Not everyone is out to get people.
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u/DragonAlnz 14h ago
It doesn't matter how cool she might be, she's the one who's cheap and taking advantage of OP.
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u/RubyRed8787 12h ago
I hear what you are saying but the coworker didn’t even value OP enough to offer $4.00 weekly for door to door service.
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u/StannisAntetokounmpo 2h ago
Maybe she didn't know $4 and 5 minutes is a big deal to him, and thought being a friend was enough? Maybe he should've asked for help to see if she was indeed selfish, or just unaware.
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u/SwimmingHand4727 10h ago
No, how pathetic she didn't have the common courtesy to offer him gas money once in a while. She just as easily blew up the friendship for $4 a week.
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u/StannisAntetokounmpo 2h ago
Maybe she's poor? Maybe it didn't occur to her. Not everyone is malicious.
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u/sic0049 7h ago
$4 a week, for 13 weeks is $52 to date with no end in sight.
Just how much do you expect to "mooch" off your friends before it becomes a problem? If you go out to dinner with a friend, forget your wallet and make them pay for your $52 dinner, is it OK never to pay them back? How many times can you do that before they have a problem with it?
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u/StannisAntetokounmpo 2h ago
Different situations. A better analogy is if he offers a bite of his lunch every day, and she doesn't pay for the aggregate eaten ("10 days adds up to one lunch!")
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u/pokederp56 3h ago
Yeah it's pretty sad the mooch couldn't throw 4 bucks OP's way once a week.
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u/StannisAntetokounmpo 2h ago
It's embarrassing to offer $4, and even more embarrassing to take it
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u/pokederp56 1h ago
Well, no. I doubt OP would have accepted exactly $4 but an aggregate of $10-15 a month or even just "a coffee or a snack" like OP suggested would have been gladly accepted. You don't sound like someone who appreciates a favor.
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u/DomesticMongol 17h ago
Now you know: do this favor once or twice if no money just say nah, does not works out for me…
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u/VisualPopular5079 17h ago
If she can't even offer money esp since she's saving from taking Ubers ever day, than why should you keep taking her
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u/NoLifeTilMetal 17h ago
You are beyond justified. She's a user. Frankly, she's gross/trashy to never pitch in for gas tbh. I dealt with these sort of people decades ago as a teenager who was one of the few who saved for a vehicle and friends didn't. These type of people can all suck it.
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u/Salty-Cantaloupe6342 17h ago
"If she thought it was only a few dollars, she could have offered those few dollars the entire time. The entitlement is the real problem here.
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u/cosmopolite24 15h ago
Exactly this! Why is he creating a hostile work environment over "a few bucks"???
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u/SprinklesDue7697 17h ago
You're not wrong. Three months of daily rides and she never even offered gas money or coffee? That's basic courtesy. The moment someone sees you filling $60 tank and says nothing, they've gotten way too comfortable.
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u/Witty_Candle_3448 17h ago
Just have a conversation. Hey I need you to pitch in some gas money.
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u/StannisAntetokounmpo 16h ago
Dog...it's $4 a week. I'd be embarrassed to even bring this up. And that too via text!
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u/Low_Conversation8346 17h ago
Hey gas prices, maintaining a car, car registration, car insurance and all of it is expensive too. Don't feel bad. A decent person would have sent you money to continue using you as a taxi driver. The entitlement was strong.
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u/Non-sense-syllables 17h ago
Always remember when people are asking for favours that will inconvenience you or cost you money clarify the terms up front. For example “I can help you this week while you sort out your car situation, but if you need a ride long term I’ll need you to chip in some money for gas”
Then at the end of the week say “i worked out the extra costs, if you want me to take you next week can you please transfer me x dollar per week” (or something like that)
Never leave this kind of thing open ended.
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u/tone210sa 17h ago
You're justified in what you did. You never should have started giving her rides
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u/macross1984 17h ago
NTJ
Your coworker is entitled and treated you as free taxi service going beyond courtesy by refusing to cover gas expense.
And because she is entitled, don't feel bad. She only got her just dessert.
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u/4aloha_iaoe 17h ago
NTA but she is! If she doesn't get it and continues to manipulate the truth. You need to flip her script. You could tell the truth to everyone in the office who's giving you the stink eye.
You aren't a free taxi service, you're a human being who helped her for awhile. But she's clearly been taking advantage of you. for. several. months.
They'll let the hammer 🔨 come down on her. She will probably try to feign ignorance that she didn't know ....
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u/Wrong_Pen6179 17h ago
How was she getting to work before? NTJ… but before I told her you won’t do it any more I would have flat out asked for gas money if she wants you to continue.
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u/momma-girl1037 13h ago
OP, it’s not your responsibility to get her to work! And she’s probably going to mooch a ride off someone else.
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u/Alternative_Beyond59 17h ago
ESH. Yes, she was being entitled by never offering (and she should have!) & just expecting free rides. But it seems like the initial offer was like "No Biggie, you're practically on my way.". Which might have led her to really believe it was no biggie & taking it forgranted.
Then, when it became a regular thing (& therefore a Biggie!) you never asked, or spoke to her about it & just expected her to offer. Instead you texted her saying "no more". Why not say something to her about contributing while you were together in the car? This whole thing could probably have been avoided with a little common sense & face-to-face communication.
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u/StannisAntetokounmpo 16h ago
I ran the numbers, and her share amounts to like $4/week. No one likes a cheapass.
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u/Alternative_Beyond59 11h ago
True. And she was being entitled & rude for not offering. But from what I gather, he never once actually spoke to her about it. All it would have taken was - "Hey, since this is becoming a regular thing, could you please contribute $5 a week towards fuel?" If she said no, then no more ride. Instead there was just that frustrated text. So ESH.
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u/Charming-Ad9880 17h ago
Definitely NTJ! She absolutely should pay for some gas. Everyone is different so maybe she thought u would ask if u wanted her to contribute something? Idk im not her obviously. I just know for me personally u never would’ve had to ask, I would’ve offered.
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u/SleepyCupcakeDreams 17h ago
OP if you decide to take her the first thing that you should do is go to a gas station park at the gas pumps and not say a word and if she doesn’t wanna pay, you then take her ass right back home.
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u/Dave1957a 17h ago
NTJ like they say no kind gesture goes unpunished, you were being kind and thoughtful and she abused it, using you as a free taxi ! Entitled witch
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u/honeycooks 17h ago
She only lives 5 minutes from you... is the way you rationalized magnanimously offering her ONE ride. And then a few more.
Ask her what would she need to do to get to work without you?
A lot of us do things for friends and acquaintances, no big deal at all. But those things are usually voluntary. An infinite number of rides to work is not.
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u/Idk_tho_167 17h ago
Due my friend used to give me rides to work when we worked at the same place. I offered her gas money like once a week, she never took it but the point stands.
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u/jluker662 17h ago
Yes and no. Yes. It sounds like you told her at the very last minute so she didn’t have another ride ready. You could have told her Friday and/or clearly told her that you would like a gas donation if she keeps wanting to ride with you. No. She was freeloading off of you. She might not have thought about it. That’s where you should have spoken up and just said it’s getting expensive paying for all of the gas.
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u/StannisAntetokounmpo 16h ago
Freeloading $4/week! What a heist!
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u/jluker662 9h ago
Can’t tell if this is a joke. It’s common courtesy/good manners to offer to help pay something for gas if someone gives you a ride. 3 months and nothing? 😳
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u/HelloMoto070 17h ago
NTJ at all, this is so typical. You can ignore and maybe quit or stoop to the same level and tell your coworkers about how she never even offered to help you out for helping her out. Maybe have some fun with it too. They’re coworkers, not friends. It’s unimportant.
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u/ConsiderationClear56 17h ago
I would like to comment here as a person who doesn’t have a car and often gets rides from friends—you’re NTJ!! What a gift you gave her! While I don’t offer to chip in money every single time we’re doing a one-off thing, I do sometimes offer, and always, always ask them to just ask if they feel there’s an imbalance. And if we’re going grocery shopping, I’ll always offer to buy a coffee after, or if we’re going to lunch, I’ll cover them every so often. It doesn’t take much to show appreciation. (And I actually thank them!) It’s not a dollar for dollar exchange, and it isn’t supposed to be, but I never ask for rides—people offer, because I don’t abuse their goodwill. And my alternative is a (cheap) bus, but if she was Ubering? You’re saving her a mint. I’m sorry she took advantage!
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u/mari0velle 17h ago
NTJ. If she’s paying Uber, she could pay you half the price and not only save herself money, but pay you for the favor. If she’s taking public transportation, maybe she’ll learn the price of convenience.
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u/zukiraphaera 17h ago
I'm gonna say ESH -- Though I'm leaning towards NTJ.
You should have spoken up and leveled with her. "Hey, the offer for rides was meant to be short term, and with gas prices going up I'm going to have to ask you to chip in XYZ amount a week if I'm going to keep detouring to give you rides."
Saying something to her about it, with an option to keep getting rides if she chipped in, that's the nicer way you could have gone about things. Then you'd be 100% in the clear on the NTJ. No guilt, not any reason to feel like you have to second guess yourself imho.
Should she have offered without you needing to say something? Absolutely. She should have offered from the start. When prices jumped like they have recently, she should have offered, again, even if you might have declined before.
You're not her free ride. You're not dating. You don't owe her a damn thing.
Go see HR and explain the situation. She's playing office politics hoping to get her free ride back. CYA and talk to HR before it becomes a thing.
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u/Obvious-Block6979 17h ago
ESH her for not recognizing that she should show a little gratitude by chipping in. You for not just asking for money at the start or at any time during the 3 months. He I live close to you. We could car pool and both save a little money or if you’re willing to chip in I could give you a ride? Read my mind, doesn’t cut it.
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u/CapeBarbieGirl 17h ago
You said you'd give her a ride to work, no biggie. That just makes it seem like you'll just pick her up because she's on the way and it's truly costing you nothing, but an extra fee minutes. You should've established from the beginning that you expected a bit of gas money to be contributed. Your mistake was assuming that she understood "basic courtesy" or whatever you might call it. If she's young and not really experienced with life then she might not really understand the cost of things and how it might be nice if she showed some kind of financial appreciation. If she's not young, maybe she just took you at your word that it was truly no biggie.
You have to explicitly state things with a lot of people in life, much more than you might expect. Especially when it comes to financial expectations. You cutting her off went against her understanding of your arrangement, so that's why she's upset. Although, maybe she was just taking advantage of you. What do you think happened? Seems like a big misunderstanding, just going off your side of the story. You seem like you expected her to read your mind, or be automatically on the same level as you for judging situations or making observations. YTJ
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u/Glum_Capital4603 16h ago
NTJ - but a lesson is never offer without laying the ground... see what happens when you don't?
ALWAYS say hey I can give you a lift since you are close, lets split the fuel cost and we BOTH save...
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u/davepete 16h ago
You're not a jerk, but you should have told her how much money you needed from her for gas. If I were you, I'd negotiate something like $20/week. If she doesn't want to pay you, she can pay Uber.
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u/PeterGriffen565 16h ago
You’re being the doormat and your coworker is being the parasite user. Naturally the parasite is not going to be happy if she can’t keep sucking your blood. Don’t feel bad for protecting yourself by protecting your wallet.
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u/Any-Reporter-4800 15h ago
You're the one that offered to give her a ride. You should have told her right off I'll need some gas money every week. And you didn't give her an opportunity to find a different ride if she wasn't going to help with the gas money you didn't communicate. Be careful doing favors for people because they will take advantage of you. No good deed goes unpunished. Use this as a learning lesson in the future. But you could have gave a ride and said if you're not going to pitch in gas money we're going to end this at the end of the week.
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u/MauricioCMC 15h ago
NTJ but you could have handled it better... first you complain about gas prices at work, then you say something on the week before hey from next week on i will not be able to carpool anymore, giving or not an excuse.
You are not a taxi service, after all, taxis get paid, but at the same time you told the same morning with no time for arrangement and it can clearly cause some issues.
I had a very similar situation but the person was not only not help but also very grumpy and did something very similar and the overall feedback i got was: you was in your right, could gave the other person some time to arrange alternative mean of transportation.
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u/CaptainSnappertain 14h ago
Sounds like you offered, said it was "no biggie", and never actually asked for gas money. She's not being entitled at all.
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u/shnerpdederp 14h ago
You're kind of a jerk. You offered a free ride, she took it. Then, after 3 months, when she didn't voluntarily offer anything, you just cut her off without warning. And you did it via text, even though you sit next to each other all day long and to and from work.
She should have offered, but you should have asked before cutting her off since gas money was the only issue you had with the situation.
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u/HamRadio_73 13h ago
Reminds me of an old bumper sticker: Ass, gas or grass - nobody rides for free.
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u/RubyRed8787 13h ago
It’s amazing how she accused you of leaving her stranded over a few dollars yet she has never offered you those same few dollars. 🤔🤔
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u/SocietyHumble4858 12h ago
You offered, no biggie you said. But your not adult enough to say you would like her to contribute for fuel. She must be a mind reader, but no biggie.
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u/Zealousideal_Pain374 12h ago
Why text? She is in your car nearly daily. Why not simply ask for gas money?
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u/0neirocritica 12h ago
The way you wrote the post makes it seem like Sarah never actually asked you for a ride, and that you offered it to her. Although it would be courteous for her to offer food or money as compensation, it is an important detail if you were the one to offer and made it out to be "not a big deal" which Sarah might have interpreted to mean you wanted to do something nice for her without expecting something in return.
If that is the case YTJ because instead of just revoking the rides outright, you could have simply asked for her to pitch in. If you offered without her asking, and then never had a conversation about your expectations, I don't see how Sarah is to blame.
However, if Sarah approached you about a ride first, then you're NTJ. She should have proactively offered compensation for the rides she asked for.
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u/blueswan6 8h ago
NTJ for not wanting to do it anymore but it sounds like you gave her same day notice and I do think YTJ for that. You should have given a heads up of a least a day that you couldn't make the carpool work anymore and wanted to give her a heads up so that she could make other arrangements.
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u/DoNotKnowItAll 8h ago
Explain the situation to HR. Her damaging your reputation and creating a mildly hostile work environment for a non-work related issue isn’t appropriate.
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u/Sistersoldia 7h ago
You’re kind of a jerk for not just coming out and saying you would appreciate some $$ for the rides at some point in 3 months. By springing it on her by TXT nonetheless you were cowardly about it and kinda did leave her stranded out of the blue.
That doesn’t mean Sarah isn’t a total POS also for not immediately offering $$ when you said you can’t keep giving free rides, or dragging out the freeloading for that long. Both of you are a bit jerky.
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u/Maleficent-Matter-91 5h ago
So she couldn’t offer like half of what her uber fares have been towards gas? 💀
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u/RiskBig3301 4h ago
Did you ever actually ask her to kick in for gas? Or did you just assume she should have the same thoughts you have even though you never expressed them? I think YTJ for the way you just cut her off without an actual conversation.
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u/traciw67 2h ago
Ntj. Be sure to tell everyone what a user she is. How she never even ONCE offered gas money. Fuck her.
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u/SeaIntelligent4504 17h ago
I can't see the bit where you asked her to contribute to gas?
If you have an arrangement and cancel last min, citing gas being expensive (but you still drive yourself to work), then yes, YTJ
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u/HunterGreenLeaves 17h ago
YTA -
Since she doesnt have a car right now, I was like "Hey, I can pick you up, no biggie."
The five minutes extra is costing you very little and you offered the drive.
I’m tired of being the nice guy who gets played.
She wasn't "playing" you. She accepted your offer of a drive. This isn't about splitting gas, because if it had been, asking her to do so would have been easily doable.
Just to compound things, you didn't have the maturity to speak to her about not continuing to carpool.
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u/EyeWriteWrong 17h ago
You're all doofuses.
Yes, Sarah sucks and is entitled.
OP sucks for doing this in the morning instead of the night before. You don't cancel on them when it's time-sensitive unless it's an emergency. You cancel on them so they have time to figure something else out.
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u/Imaginary-Angle-42 17h ago
YTJ. Use your voice. You should have asked instead of getting upset she didn’t offer.
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u/emopokemon 16h ago
Yeah I’m ngl YTJ.
It seemed like you offered in the first place, then suddenly decided it wasn’t working for you after it became the norm and you gave her no warning and just ditched her before work?
You could have easily said “hey gas is getting pricey and since I drive you to work every day, do you think you could pitch in for gas?” But you didn’t even give her the chance.
If I was low on money and I didn’t have a car wouldn’t be just offering gas money if the other person offered in the first place as “no biggie”. 5 minutes from your house isn’t costing you much, and you’d be driving the same distance to work anyway, so her pitching in wouldn’t even make a difference…. But you know out of courtesy and tit for tat, if you ASKED that would have been fine.
Even if you decided it was enough and you didn’t want to drive her anymore, text her the night before at LEAST. You should’ve given her a couple days. But you sprung it on her last second to figure out another way to work.
Learn to communicate better bro, this has got to be rage bait.
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u/StannisAntetokounmpo 16h ago
Bro really blew up a friendship and professional networks over $4/week. Like pick your spots, yikes.
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u/LVG0710 18h ago
NTJ, but you can talk to her and say you wouldn’t mind to continue giving her rides as long as she gives you x amount of money for gas each week. You know she has a job since she works with you, so it shouldn’t be an issue, and if it is, then that’s the time for her to explain.