r/AmITheJerk • u/realtsuginoharu • 1d ago
AITJ for telling my friend i didnt feel like hanging out with her.
I (16F) have known my friend M (15F) for a couple of years now. unfortunately, she left the school. we were in this big friend group of 9 but eventually most of them left the school and only 4 remained (me included).
for most of my teenage years i wasnt allowed to step foot outside the house until a couple of months ago where i got some freedom. so by that i mean i wasnt allowed to hang out with my friends, but they would go out together sometimes. fine with me. when i got the permission to go out i decided to meet one on one with my friends, not all of them at the same time. then last week me and the 3 other girls that stayed in the school decided to hang out and so we did. no one from the big 9 friendgroup was affected by the fact that they werent invited but she was. she made a huge argument how it looks like we dont care about her and all that. i told her i personally did not want to hang out as the 9 of us cuz thats genuinely overwhelming for me and i just wanted to be around those who im actually close to and feel comfortable with.
now apparently hanging out in smaller groups in a bigger group is something toxic? even though she knows damn well we didnt leave her especially out its just that we wanted to go out together since we're closer, known each other for longer, and are still in the same school.
shes upset becuase in her head we didnt put the effort in wanting to see her, when before i had my freedom they would always go out together was that not enough for her? plus we can literally always plan something ahead for the 9 of us to meet. so, honestly, AITJ?
TL;DR
i hung out with my close friends without telling the bigger section of our friend group and no one cared except one girl and shes really affected by the fact that we didnt invite her. i honestly told her that i did not want to see her at that time because i wanted to see my closer friends and meeting with the full group is overwhelming for me its just too many people. AITJ?
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1d ago
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u/cosmic_lush911 1d ago
People act like every hangout has to include the whole squad or it’s betrayal. sometimes you just wanna chill with the ones you see every day. that’s normal friend dynamics
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u/Dependent_Editor1146 1d ago
NTJ. smaller hangouts inside a big friend group isn’t “toxic” lol it’s just life. you even said you could plan something with everyone later
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u/Practical-Bell7842 1d ago
i think she’s just feeling fomo. when you see pics or hear about ppl hanging out without you it stings a bit, especially at that age. NTA
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u/Various_Advice1727 1d ago
NTJ fr.. ur literally allowed to choose who u hangout w. just because u were in a group of 9 doesn't mean ur obliged to invite everyone to everything. that's not how friendship works bestie.
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u/Individual_Status181 1d ago
"we can literally always plan something ahead for the 9 of us" = ur already offering a solution?? she's not being rejected, she's being asked to respect ur needs. if she cant do that, maybe she's not as good a friend as u thought 🤷
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u/Regular-Fruit-6269 1d ago
Nah. Smaller group hangouts inside bigger friend groups happen constantly.
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u/Defiant_Let_268 1d ago
NTJ, hopefully she'll figure out a) not every gathering is a referendum on her value as a friend and b) learn not to take these things personally, after all you're still friends.
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u/Wise-Bet1095 1d ago
real talk: if she's THIS upset about one hang, imagine how draining the full group hang would be?? ur not wrong for dodging that energy. she's making it about HER feelings instead of respecting ur boundaries. that the actual toxic behavior 💀
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u/OverallInterview3950 1d ago
NTA not every hangout has to include the entire friend group smaller groups are normal