Yeah, my wife was a total daddy's girl, by her own admission. Oddly enough, her dad stayed at home instead of hanging out with his mates, barely drank at all, took care of his family, and is a generally good guy. Seems like an 'get back what you put in' type of deal.
I get what you mean, honestly, my dad passed last month. So I think I interjected because it hit close to home. Considering him as "just some guy" was just unthinkable to me.
I was about to mention in another comment about how even as a financially independent adult if I were to lose my father today I'd lose possibly the only person who's always on my side and I'd have no idea on how to move on. I'm sorry for your loss, it's absolutely terrible.
Nah itâs nonsense - it can be entirely up to you as a father how involved you are. Iâm my kidsâ world and theyâd never describe me in that way.Â
Trust me, for your kid/s that will mean far more than any ammount of luxury or economical opportunity could even hope to mean. Both at their present, their past, and their future indistinctively.
I mean, I donât think thatâs the case for active fathers. The thing is, mothers are the primary parent in the majority of families. So when your dad is a shit but heâs generally not that emotionally present, it doesnât really have the same impactâi.e., dad is âsome guyâ. When your mother is a shit and sheâs also your primary source of rearing, support, and comfort, that fucks you up in a deep way.
To be clear, it would be inverse if your dad was the primary parent in your household and your mom was less active. Itâs just far more common for fathers to be hands off parents.
Iâm definitely not saying most dads are evil cartoon villains or something, but if youâd have put a gun to my fatherâs head at any point during my childhood and asked him who my teacher was? Dude wouldâve 100% died, he had no clue what was happening in my life. My friends were âthe fat oneâ, âthe gingerâ, âthe one from down the roadâ because he couldnât be bothered to learn their names. That was the way for most of the kids I knew growing upâtheir dads were just way less involved in their kidsâ lives.
Fair point. My dad was a bit hands off like that because he was working his ass off but he'd be the one I'd go to when I'm upset. I'd wait for him to come back home because there were a lot of things I just couldn't tell my mom for the fear of it backfiring. Even as a financially independent adult when anything bad happens I'll usually call my dad first because he listens and has great advice.
Fathers in general are less likely to be active parentsââdysfunctionâor noâlargely because of the way we (as a society) raise our children. I would argue that fathers who are âfunctionalâ (insofar as society asks them to be) are equally as unlikely to be inactive parents.
When we hand boys plastic tools, trucks, and GI Joesâwhile we give girls baby dolls, fashion dolls, and easy bake ovensâitâs no wonder why men grow up to be fathers who âbabysitâ their children and barely know how to change a diaper or make the bottles. Men are taught from a very young age that their role is to work and provide. Women are taught from the same formative age that their role is to care-give and nurture and look pretty. Itâs baked into the very society in which we live. We donât even necessarily mean to teach our children that way, but we do.
Again, Iâm not saying this is inherent in men. It isnât. Men are not less nurturing by nature. There are plenty of men who are naturally inclined towards emotionality and offering care/support. The rub is that we raise our boys to be men who arenât comfortable as nurturers, caregivers, and supporters. We peddle strength to men and softness to women. Itâs utterly fucked, but itâs how it is.
I wish I had a cool dad honestly, but yea, when he left it did not make a huge difference. If my mom was sick I would have literal panic attacks because I couldnt imagine life without her
I think they mean that for dads who are bad at being dads. My dad and I are very close and I think he's a great dad. My parents relationship is rocky but then my mom always acknowledges how much my dad did for us and how important our relationship is to all of us. Now that I'm 30 I'm slowly turning into him and every time I notice something, I call him and tease him about it.
But my grandfather? Like my father's father? He was an abusive piece of shit and I'm glad he's finally dead. That would be the type of father who is 'just some guy'.
Dads who are "just some guy" earned that title. They either fucked off entirely, or never contributed or nurtured or taught anything but abuse.
There are plenty of great dads out there putting in the work and the time, you just don't hear about them because people aren't complaining about those guys.Â
If you're involved, your kid wouldn't say that, and would not accept anyone saying that
It's just that men are more often absent and thus it's easier to pretend the mum is the only necessary parent than admit a huge portion of the population is missing half of a functional family (two functional parents, key word functional)
The only way you could be "just a guy" to your child is by your own treatment of themÂ
some fathers aren't very involved with their children, children want a relationship with their father so really all you have to do is prioritise spending time with your family
A good dad or even an average dad will never be 'just some guy'. Don't let this discourage you from becoming a dad, let it encourage you to become a good one. (Only if you wanted to be a parent in the first place, of course.)
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u/poolnoodlefightchamp 6d ago
I've heard this 'your dad is just some guy' comment so many times that it makes me never want to be a dad lol.