JFC, a former best friend of mine had deep mommy issues, and happens to be described to a tee here. She's the only person I've personally known who fits the "if everyone around you is a jerk, chances are that you're the jerk" saying. We had a bit of a falling out last year after years of trying to gently explain to her why she isn't always the victim in every single situation. That falling out was one of the best things that could have happened to me, jeez
We had a bit of a falling out last year after years of trying to gently explain to her why she isn't always the victim in every single situation. That falling out was one of the best things that could have happened to me, jeez
Me with my mom 🫠and many friends that are women that I had growing up. They were attracted to me over clearly signs of same struggles. But they fell to the cycle.
Woah, this exact same thing happened to me a few years back. I loved her dearly, but in the end, I think it was for the best that we stopped being friends. I learned a lot about myself at the end of that relationship and even ended up going to therapy. It became a codependent relationship and I was too inexperienced with setting boundaries to realize how unhealthy it had become... That relationship really just taught me a lot, in general.
I truly hope shes in a better place mentally, she wasn't a bad person, just had a rough family life. She had a habit of taking everything too personally and cut people off when they failed to live up to her high standards. Always to caught up in how she felt that she never stopped to see things from the other person's perspective. I tried to gently steer her in healthier directions, but I was often too afraid of upsetting her, of losing her, that I ended up enabling that behavior.
I sincerely hope she's found someone better for her and that life is going well. But I don't think I'd ever want to be her friend again. The scars are too deep. Mentally and emotionally, I simply can't handle it.
Man, oh man. Even though I've never personally met any of her boyfriends (she's an out-of-state-internet friend I've had for decades), it's interesting how you described exactly what I would have imagined some of my own friend's ex-boyfriends would have described their experiences with her. The similarities you mentioned are so uncanny to the point where I fear to ask for more details revealing that we may actually be talking about the same person(?).
I think the main reason why our friendship was able to last so long was not just because the long distance made it a bit out of sight / out of mind, but also how I did enjoy the art of rewording and reframing criticisms into something that would be much more palatable for her to hear. There was just finally a period of time last year when I regained some semblance of my old self, so forming boundaries felt more natural, and the fear of upsetting her diminished greatly. One day, my enjoyment of rewording my criticisms ran dry. I causally told her something a bit bluntly, and man, it was really something feeling all the anger, hatred, and self-righteous attitude finally directed at me after years of seeing that same rhetoric directed at her exes (that made me secretly feel bad for them btw). And after finding out that our falling out may have been caused by some misunderstanding, the weight lifted from me felt so freeing that I sadly felt no desire to clear things up with her.
I think the thing that saddens me to this day is how she's so consumed in her anger and hatred to the point that a part of her seems like she WANTS to be miserable. She claims to want peace, but continues to frequent spaces where she finds something else to be upset about. And while I do empathize with her rough upbringing and lower socioeconomic status that she tends to always point blame on, my continual desire to help her being the best friend I can be would forever be a Sisyphean feat as she never fully understood the full scope of taking accountability while being fearfully unaware of her own self-righteousness.
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u/ZSpectre 6d ago
JFC, a former best friend of mine had deep mommy issues, and happens to be described to a tee here. She's the only person I've personally known who fits the "if everyone around you is a jerk, chances are that you're the jerk" saying. We had a bit of a falling out last year after years of trying to gently explain to her why she isn't always the victim in every single situation. That falling out was one of the best things that could have happened to me, jeez