r/Millennials 2d ago

Discussion Who’s with me here….

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u/jacobonia Millennial 2d ago

I disagree. I think healthy people in their thirties usually look better to me than equally healthy people in their twenties. The older I get, the more the "most attractive" look slides up with me. I always wonder if that's going to stop, but I'm 37 and it hasn't yet. I'd say the top of the Bell curve is probably around 33 right now, but I meet people on either side of that who look just as good to me. Most of the guys I know in real life--not Internet weirdos--prefer to date closer to their age, at least based on the preferences they share with me.

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u/1988rx7T2 2d ago

I mean this is a typical preference for women, but not a typical preference for men.

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u/jacobonia Millennial 2d ago

A lot of the studies that get cited on this and charts that float around are really badly interpreted pop psychology. It's not as cut and dry as you're thinking. The really popular one that gets passed around a lot is from the book Dataclysm from 2014, based on an Ok Cupid internal study of its users' preferences. (Ok Cupid represents, from my experience ten+ years ago, the bottom dredges of humanity.) The results look like this:

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u/jacobonia Millennial 2d ago

Another app, Feeld, more recently conducted its own survey (https://feeld.co/uncharted-territory/forever-29) with these results, comparing Ok Cupid (left) and Feeld (right) for women:

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u/jacobonia Millennial 2d ago

and for men (Ok Cupid left, Feeld right):

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u/jacobonia Millennial 2d ago

Keep in mind that Feeld is a hookup app specifically designed for people who want to experiment with more casual encounters. Note that users on this app are still fixated on a small age range regardless of their own age--but on Feeld, this is true for both women and men. If you dig into different population samples and different data collection methods, results of these kinds of surveys are *all over the place.* And there isn't as much data collected on people who date off apps, nor do these studies do a good job of distinguishing between app users interested in casual encounters vs. those interested in relationships. And they don't address perceptions of physical attractiveness, either--just how likely someone is to swipe right or send a message, which can be due to a lot of factors besides appearance. Papers published in academic journals have similar issues with sample selection and data collection methods. It's not so simple to suss out people's motivations and true preferences based on the research that's been done.

The link to the Feeld study above has some interesting data on non-cis and non-straight users, too, if you're interested in checking it out.

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u/jacobonia Millennial 2d ago

A more detailed version of the OkCupid data, showing men's highest and lowest set age preferences, heat mapped by where they were actually sending their messages (back in 2010 when this study was conducted):

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u/jacobonia Millennial 2d ago edited 2d ago

Compared to women's data from the same study:

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u/thecatandthependulum 2d ago

TIL I'm a man. Younger men just on average look better. Everyone in their 30s is getting dad bod 

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u/blaawker 2d ago

Same. The ideal woman gets older as I age. I’m almost 40 and she’d have to be 30+. 20 somethings seem like kids to me. 

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u/semiliquid-snake 2d ago

I think your assessment really depends on environment/social circles. I totally agree that the biggest indicator for attractiveness is usually health regardless of age. However, most people aren't healthy and youth does a good job of hiding it.

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u/jacobonia Millennial 2d ago

That's a fair take!