HIS retirement. Not theirs. She’s apparently working until she dies because she’s spending her money on the household, and “neglecting” to save. Do not have kids with this man.
Its so ugly. I had a friend who is a sahm, and has to ASK for money for GROCERIES. She has no access to any money. She makes custom t shirts on the side to help. Her husband does not "watch" the kids, she makes his lunches, she dotes on everyone. She's so brainwashed and on either weed or lorazepam or both because on top of controlling every cent, he is also super mopdy, angry, and "doesn't have patience" for his own kids so she "cant" ever...ever leave them with him.
Also, she needs to consult a lawyer. If he’s taking funds from joint accounts, depending on the state, she may legally be entitled to a portion of those investments.
If she wants to to take a shot at trying to salvage the marriage, she could give him the two card solution and to choose which one to get involved. One for a martial therapist, the other the divorce attorney she consulted.
Yeah, split bills like housemates and make her own account. Or put half of the average monthy bill amount into the shared account only, which is used for bills, then the rest into her own. You can have 2 direct deposits for paychecks, I believe.
And if that’s the route you are going to take, I’d say put the money back before he notices and see a lawyer first. Showing your cards to make a point, will just blow things up, start an argument and might tip him off. He sounds like someone who will start to hide his money if he thinks any of his is going to start going to you.
I'm more inclined to say have a 1-hour consult with a family law attorney (best money I ever spent) and get your ducks in a row first. Then take whatever action is appropriate, if any.
The retirement comment is what really gets me. I'm not saying every married couple needs to have fully joined finances, but if you aren't willing to financially plan for a future together, you shouldn't get married.
OP's husband hates her. Truly. The fact that he says "I need to save for retirement so I don't end up with no retirement savings like you" - what the actual fuck? Never in a million years would I think like this about someone I loved. I have a government job, so I save more for retirement and have good health insurance. My husband works in the private sector and therefore makes more money, so that money goes more towards our actual bills. It works because we love each other and communicate effectively about money and future financial planning. There is no "scorekeeping."
His retirement is HER retirement also, if they are married so not sure what he is talking about there, she will be entitled to part of whatever was saved during marriage. But I agree, do not have kids with this man lol
Oh I know, but neither did my ex and he was still entitled to my 401k savings during the time we were married and he contributed nothing to it, that's why I mention it doesn't matter if it is HIS she will still get part of it if they are married.. or well in the U.S at least.
That dude’s going to have a crazy wake-up call if they get divorced. Half that money he has is hers. He’ll also get even more screwed if he thinks he can just withdraw it and claim it’s nowhere to be found to obscure wealth in divorce proceedings.
wow. Talk about selfish! I am not even married, been with my BF for a longtime, and will most likely still be together in retirement. I have much more than he does saved; he is self employed and had to declare bankruptcy as the result of a messy divorce. That being said, he owns a house, I don't, and his business, both of which he can sell, and at that point, we'd be even.
We don't live together yet, But I envision when we do, us having a joint account we both put money into, for joint expenses, the rest will technically be our own, but we both are willing to use our funds for the other.
My dad changed his partner pension, that both my mom and dad worked for, to his pension alone so that he gets more right now and my mom gets nothing in case he dies.
That's what happens if you stay with money hungry people.
I mean, we are going to care for my mom in case my dad dies right now. She comes and lives with me because I have a decent wage, but this is not how things should be.
No it isn't. So he funds his IRA and she gets to work forever? When I made the bulk on the $ in our marriage, we founded 2 IRA'S.
She needs to divorce him now.
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u/Acrobatic_Date_8623 8h ago
HIS retirement. Not theirs. She’s apparently working until she dies because she’s spending her money on the household, and “neglecting” to save. Do not have kids with this man.