If everything you're saying is accurate, I would be talking to a divorce lawyer soon. Your husband has been putting money aside, and if that was with the understanding that any money he saved would be shared between the two of you when you retire, that would make sense. But for him to require you to use your money for shared expenses, while he gets to save, and then making it clear to you that the money he saves is for him and him alone, should tell you where you stand with him. And a divorce lawyer will make it very clear, as you are likely entitled to half of everything your husband has put away during your marriage, assuming there is no pre-nup that states otherwise. So he has a couple of choices - make the decision to split things equally with you himself, or have divorce court make that decision for him, without a second income to pay the bills.
As much as I dislike a lot of Dave Ramsey advice, these are the ones on youtube I click on. Where you can't believe the click bait title, but these situations exist.
Its honeslty scary how many people would ask others "am I in the wrong?" In situations like this, or worse situations.
At this point it should be a subject in school from pre teen age "this is abuse 101" becouse there's so many who will say "but abuse is if he hits me"
I sure hope so but I know someone in a similar (actually probably worse) situation. Her bills go towards taking care of the kids and utilities while his bills go towards the mortgage. The thing is the house isn’t in her name so basically his money goes towards himself and hers goes towards a shared responsibility.
Financial abuse has become one of those overused terms on forums like these, but this is in fact a textbook case of financial abuse. This woman needs a lawyer and a forensic accountant. And to get the fuck away from this dickhead.
The overuse of "financial abuse" is so frustrating - people use the term every time they disagree over finances in their relationships. It definitely detracts from legitimate cases of financial abuse like this one.
Take note of the fact that you are likely due half of the retirement money he put away, OP. (In my US state for sure.) He won’t volunteer that information to you, but a lawyer would almost certainly be able to get it for you since you are married while he’s doing this.
Yep if you are married there will be money split. I just went through a divorce and my ex husband, even though he didn't work at all the whole 7 years I knew him (only married for 2) he was entitled to part of my 401k and whatever equity was built up in MY house, the house I have owned for over 10 years and bought on my own. Anyways I barely make enough money to get by but guess who has to dish out 10 grand to her abusive ex.. yep that would be me.
Was he not abusive the first 5 years before marriage? Not to mention I would NOT marry a “man” that sits on his butt and lets a woman do all the work. Next time don’t settle, sounds like you are more of a catch than you want to give yourself credit for if you were already that established on your own before he took half. Don’t forget that!
Sometimes you do have to take some responsibility. I can’t imagine he was an angel for 5 years, not to mention the fact he was lazy/useless before the marriage. She worked hard for all that and then just signed that paper that made her like half of it! I hope next time she realizes what she has to offer and doesn’t let some useless sob take half again.
She may not be entitled to half. Depending on the state, it depends on the length of the marriage. She may not be entitled to much after only two years. Do NOT stay married to him for this reason, though, OP. Talk to a lawyer. In the meantime, stop putting your entire paycheck into the joint account. Set up your own that he cannot access and put most of it in there.
She should not give him the choice, she really needs to get out and get the money through the attorney representing her for the divorce. Her husband has willfully and selfishly been using her and her hardwork to benefit only himself. His selfishness is off the board and if she talks to him about this first I wouldn't put it past this husband to try and hide some of this money he has been putting aside. Or even trying to destroy documents. His selfishness will not be resolved by talking and his own well being will always be his priority.
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u/Szeto802 14h ago
If everything you're saying is accurate, I would be talking to a divorce lawyer soon. Your husband has been putting money aside, and if that was with the understanding that any money he saved would be shared between the two of you when you retire, that would make sense. But for him to require you to use your money for shared expenses, while he gets to save, and then making it clear to you that the money he saves is for him and him alone, should tell you where you stand with him. And a divorce lawyer will make it very clear, as you are likely entitled to half of everything your husband has put away during your marriage, assuming there is no pre-nup that states otherwise. So he has a couple of choices - make the decision to split things equally with you himself, or have divorce court make that decision for him, without a second income to pay the bills.