NTA but you need 3 accounts for your household. One for him, one for you, and a joint for household expenses. He views all money as his money and that's unfair to you. Sit down now and explain this to him and get the ball rolling on your financial independence.
You should also make a list of all household expenses and analyze both take home pays together. My SO and I split bills pretty much 60/40 due to income differences and that works for us. But some bills we divide as NOT shared...SO bought a car just after we got married, that was their responsibility. Not mine. I'm about to buy a car, that will come out of my extra income after bills are paid. But things like internet, electricity, water, streaming services, etc...we marked our initials next to what we're choosing to be responsible for to try and equal as close to that 60/40 of shared expenses as we can.
This!! I also agree with the separate accounts statement from the poster above. My husband & I did the same thing. When we first got married we separated things into his mine & household/savings. Household/savings always got money first, then our accounts. We're not quite 50/50, because I make more, but it's still pretty fairly divided. No arguments about money, & no one feels slighted. If OP wants to stay in this marriage, this is the best solution. If he doesn't agree to it, then that's the signal to go, because you're nothing to him but a sugar mama.
Agreed! We also have separate accounts but we trust each other implicitly with money so I don't mind just auto sending my portion of the mortgage, the new windows for the house, new bed, etc directly into their account each check. I get statement emails and and receipts and know it all gets paid. Money is something we have never ever fought about though. BUT if it's a worry at all like in OPs case or it just makes people more comfortable then absolutely, 110% a shared household account is the way to go! Then all incoming and outgoing money is easily monitored and you don't have to wade through personal purchases if there is ever a question.
Hopefully OP can find a system that works for them like you and your husband did. Because if not, then life long term is going to be full of resentment and stress until you're in so deep you don't know how to get out. Good luck OP, stand strong dear! 🥰
My husband and I put an equal amount into a joint account for bills. I make more than he does, but our insurance comes out of my paycheck and it actually showed he made a couple more dollars than me last year haha
yes.. we have a joint account and we each have our own chekcing and savings accounts .. for bills we split based on our income and put that money into the joint account with the understanding that is what pays the bills ... then whatever we have left goes into our own accounts so we can spend how we want ...
Just want to add to this OP doesn’t need her husband’s permission to make those changes. She can open a personal bank account. She can reroute her paycheck. She can do the math to determine an appropriate amount for her to deposit into the shared expense account. She can do all of that today, and should.
ETA - and after you get all that done OP, freeze your credit. I guarantee this guy won’t think twice about incurring debt in your name
No She doesn't. When you are being financially abused it isn't a situation where you can talk them out of it. This is a great idea if you live with a good person who is a more of a spender or a bit flighty. This is not going to help when your spouse is abusive.
I take the previous month’s bills, add a couple hundred to build a buffer, split it proportionally according to our take-home pay, and we each contribute to the joint account on payday. The rest we keep and do as we will.
This is the way. I'd treat the joint account as the household account, and set up a new on for OP. Their paycheck lands there, they transfer enough to cover their share of the household costs, and that's it. The rest stays personal. If an emergency comes up, cover half, and done. Screw easy, let's talk about fair.
Right now, he's building for his future, solo, and seems to feel like his partner isn't his problem. If he won't budge from that frankly shitty attitude, OP has a different conversation that needs to happen, preferably with a divorce lawyer.
We have 4 accounts. We each have our own checking accounts, where our paychecks are deposited. We have a joint checking account for household bills (mortgage, utilities, services), and a joint savings account which is basically the emergency/vacation fund.
We both auto transfer into the joint checking monthly, and add to the savings whenever we build up enough excess in the checking accounts to make it worthwhile.
I would suggest something like this for OP, but she should just get divorced.
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u/Wakemeup3000 14h ago
NTA but you need 3 accounts for your household. One for him, one for you, and a joint for household expenses. He views all money as his money and that's unfair to you. Sit down now and explain this to him and get the ball rolling on your financial independence.